All Comments on 'Aberrant Pt. 01'

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The writing seems a bit jumbled at times with two or three conversations going on at the same time without a clear marking. Not saying that's bad, as it clears up relatively fast, but it's very unusual.

Also I don't yet understand what the exact powers of the teens are or what the factions exactly do - but I believe you're aware of that :D

All that being said, I like the premise of the story and I'll definitely read the other parts.

Greetings, G

And yeah, it can be a tad jumbled.

It is "written" by five people at the same time while rolling dice after all.

I just couldnt follow the thread of unnecessary group conversation... I usually enjoy your writing... this one is a confusing jumble at best.

The conversation is very jumbled, but it suits the characters well. Looking forward to reading the rest

I might have given this more than two stars, had I not just read “Stranger Things on Heaven and Earth”. The quality of writing was so remarkably superior to “Aberrant” that it’s hard to believe that they were written by the same author, and within eighteen months of each other.

I'm a little put-off by some of the characterizations in this opener. I get that the world is full of "Capes", and there's a Vought-like organization for the training and development of heroes and PR brand stuff, which makes perfect sense. I like that.

But, I think some of the teens are grating. Vanessa especially. They GOT SUPERPOWERS, their worlds have just fundamentally changed from 99% of all human experience. They are walking WMDs, and I believe that should be absolutely stressed. People would want Metas chipped and tagged, if not rounded up into camps and detained indefinitely. There should be Government plans to wipe out legions of Metas. You don't let someone who can bend a tank in half with their dick just wander around.

None of your characters are thinking about the implications that should realistically come up. Most are just coming off as self-absorbed and unable to think about the bigger picture beyond wanting to be a wrestler and associated lunacy. There should be someone who comes along and gives these kids a hard reality-check. Realpolitik would dictate that other states like China would weaponize their Novas.

I rarely post negatively, but read 2 chapters, and the pace was slow, the characters unimaginative and the storyline dull and predictable. Sometimes a story just won't catch fire, and unfortunately this doesn't. Sorry.

Strand