About Music and Determinism

"Well, like I was saying about myself yesterday, the only thing that matters is if you like how you feel with them and if you like who you look at in the mirror. Personally, I can just drool over them all day long!

"I know and I'm glad." Mea was smiling lazily. "But what about the scar on your face, baby?"

"No big deal. I had a relatively large birthmark. If you ever lose at Gin, you'll also see several smaller ones on me. When I was 14, it started changing color and texture so, following a medical recommendation, I had it removed. It was supposed to be a procedure that would be barely visible. Well, that was when I found out I scar very badly and I also mark very easily. One of my doctors even wanted to use me as a subject for publication on the matter."

"Is it bad or dangerous?"

"No... except of course in the rare instance of explaining hickeys on my neck one month from now!" Mea blushed and giggled.

"Matthew? I think my first installment is just about done and I feel absolutely limp. Thank you baby. For everything. In fact, can we talk about that?"

"What about?" He said as they both sat on the bed, facing each other.

"Are you happy here, with me?"

"Shheeesh! After all these declarations about forever yesterday, you worry about me on our second day together? Have I done something wrong, my love?"

"No, no, please baby, you're perfect... and that's a little it... I mean, you're this amazingly giving and willing lover, plus you make coffee, cook, clean, teach me cards and massage. That's not a life... it's never about you. And I DO appreciate all you do, but I feel like a taskmaster."

"God, I love you so much... and the fact that you worry about it is much more than enough. But this an area where age difference does matter, whether we like to admit it or not. Try to look at it from my perspective: I have been working, at THAT job, since before you were born. I'm not even talking about my odd jobs before that. I have given, a LOT, of myself to causes, to others, even for the public good. Now I am happy and I believe I make you happy on top of it. I have time to nap, because baby I DO need the energy at night, and I have peace, both inside and out."

"My life is with you, and here, and trust me on this: I'm happy and grateful for this domestic phase. The rest - new friends, shared hobbies, and all of that - I believe it will evolve. And I'll say another thing: to me love is a verb, and of course the big gestures are important when you act on it, you know... the anniversaries, the lovemaking, the support in health and sickness... but to me the small attentions also matter very much... sure they're small and get blurred in the daily routine, but they matter to me, and I hope to you too. So please, baby, let me love you my way."

"Now, since you brought up the subject, you've been cooped up with me all this time: don't you have friends, hobbies or a social calendar?"

"My beautiful Matthew. I love you and I adore you and I admire you. And I will let you be happy by making me so damn spoiled. As for me, baby, don't even try to look at it from my perspective and take my word for it: I have seen enough of, and from, people to last me more than a lifetime... I am SO ready for this domestic phase, as you call it. I just wish it could be about you, once in a while, you know?"

"First of all, I believe it is very much about you AND ME every night, honey. But hey! Tomorrow is Saturday and we have an actual daytime period to ourselves. I'm not allergic to pampering and I'm sure I'll be buzzed with whatever you want to do."

"That's the spirit, Matthew!" Mea was all shining smile now, maximum wattage. "And, on that thought, why don't you give me of couple of minutes and find sexy music to play on your IPod." (kiss) She jumped from her sitting position, ran to the closet, shielding with her body whatever she was grabbing from it, and dashed to the bathroom.

(Sexy music? She's in the bathroom? This could be fun...)

Matthew quickly perused his titles and made a choice. He'd had luck so far in his musical mood choices and he hoped it would keep up.

"Matthew baby? are you ready?" She opened the bathroom door, on cue with the beginning of the song, and Matthew simply could not believe the transformation. Mea was clad in a tight black leather bustier, a crotchless and seemingly strapless design that was accompanied by fishnet stockings and sleeves. The makeup on her face - lips and eyeliner - was all blood red and her hair was tied in a curly ponytail. Her chin and exposed breasts were accentuated by long golden earrings and a choker necklace. Her legs were fully exposed and enhanced by her stilettos. Every single atom of her body exuded sultriness and Matthew was agape, completely paralyzed and incoherent. Every movement Mea made was studied to be fluid and titillating, as she sleeked along the studio wall towards Matthew and the bed.

Mea asked, in a husky, sexy voice that both shocked Matthew and snapped him back to his senses, "What is that music, Matthew baby?"

"It's called In your eyes, baby... do you like it?"

"Hooo... how a propos... I do like it, honey... very much. Please, baby, put it on repeat, get naked, lie on the bed and watch ME." And Mea danced for her Matthew, a slow dance full of sensuality, a visual offering of herself and a gift of lust and love.

Matthew could not imagine moving a single degree away from her magnetic gaze and slowly undressed. When he was finally lying on the bed, propped on a pillow and completely still, Mea was dancing right in front of Matthew, forbidden and wanton at the same time, and she slowly, purposefully murmured to the newfound love of her life.

"Look at me, Matthew... look at me. You know all of me now, and I am glad. I am a woman, Matthew... I am ALL woman for you and I am YOUR woman, Matthew. And tonight, lover of mine, you will claim me as a woman, you will love me as a woman and you will make me happy for all time."

By that time, the song was starting again and, this time, Mea started a hypnotic strip tease that had Matthew swallowing hard and gasping constantly. By the time the bustier was off, Mea waited to be in synch with the beginning of the chorus and started a lap dance of her breasts on his chest, increasing Matthew's gasps to moans. Matthew felt his cock as hard as it had ever been in decades and, knowing what was about to happen, was trying, in vain, to relax in order to allow the experience to last.

- In your eyes... the light the heat

- In your eyes... I am complete

- In your eyes... I see the doorway to a thousand churches

- In your eyes... the resolution of all the fruitless searches

- In your eyes... I see the light and the heat

- In your eyes... Oh, I want to be that complete!

- I want to touch the light, The heat I see in your eyes

Mea was a total master of her body, proud of the trance she could induce in her so beloved Matthew and expectantly thrilled and hopeful for what was to come. Without ever leaving his gaze, she wetly kissed his cock and pulled back, making sure Matthew could see the painted lipstick on it, and then slowly licked in synch with the music, not so much to excite as to ensure every bit of hardness that she could.

By the time the song started a third time, Mea straddled Matthew and, still watching him, guided his cock to her love canal. Matthew gasped both in excitement and relief as he entered her with little friction - she obviously had thoroughly lubed her anus while getting ready. This time, Mea was determined to take him with her on the journey and would not rush anything. "Do you feel how good your penis is inside me, Matthew baby? Fuck!!! Baby, you make me sooo hhaappy! Do you see yourself entering meee? You have a magnificent cock, baby! HHHmmmgghh... do you feel it frotting my prostate? HHuughhh! Matthew you make me feel GOOD! AGAIN! You always make me feel GOOD! And you're gonna make me cum, baby!!!" Mea was about to lose her countenance, but Matthew was happy to tears, and relieved. By now, he knew her loving effort would be a success and they would come together. He could truly relax and let the pure feeling of joyful bliss invade him.

Matthew always knew he was not a worldly man. For him, fucking made little sense: only loving did. And at this very moment, he felt love from the tip of his glans to the very end of his fingertips. He knew now that, come what may, he would love Mea to his very last breath. And he was happy, and as he was cuming, his thoughts focused back on the carnal grunts of his beloved. "MMwwwaaaahhhhh! I'm cuuuummmiiing Matheeeew baby!!! Come with meeeee!"

And Matthew granted her wish, coming inside her for the first time. Oddly enough, although they were still panting and his softening cock was still inside her, Matthew noticed they were both crying. Deeply moved, he blurted out, sobbing "Thank you, thank you, my dear Mea, I love you so much and you have given me so MUCH... and this was SO beautiful... YOU are so beautiful and I am so lucky..."

"You're very welcome, baby, but the luck is like everything we do... it is shared. I have never been so happy, Matthew... and I love you and you love me and I DO feel loved, I feel a beautiful woman. You are the giving one, giving me freely a life of love and happiness that I will share with you always. I am also so very lucky to have you... and to be yours."

By now they were rested and Matthew's soft cock had subsided and was being awash in Matthew's own dripping cum. "Shower?" Mea happily queried.

But Matthew, seeing Mea's dick was still rock hard, had another plan. "Hold that thought, sweetheart, and come closer, please... there's something you forgot to share." Mea was astonished to watch his playful grin and hungry eyes and complied quickly. Matthew did not waste a second and took her cock, as deep as he could, and massaged her balls. He correctly guessed it wouldn't take much to make her cum and went straight at it, bobbing his head to-and-fro furiously with a skill he didn't even knew he had.

She barely had time to scream. "HHHOOOO! WOOOOWWW BAABBBYYY!!!" and Matthew greedily swallowed rope after beautiful rope of cum. Afterwards, he kept softly kissing and licking her cock clean.

Matthew playfully acted as if this interlude was a pause on a recording and replied "Shower."

By the time they had mutually washed themselves, reiterated words of love dozens of time and dried themselves, they made it back to bed and Mea asked "Please, Matthew, no wake-up call tomorrow and let me spoil you for a change. (kiss). Please? (kiss) I love you (kiss)"

"Very well (kiss) I promise (kiss) I love you (kiss) good night my love..."

Matthew kept lazily his word so Mea had the joy watching him sleep, for the first time, in the morning light. She silently walked around, inspecting his baggage. Poor Mathew... she would need to find some living space in her place - in their place now - and was inwardly overjoyed to realize she had room within herself for logistics and passion to coexist, another first in her life.

Then she went to fix breakfast and, as she now knew Matthew did not drink coffee, squeezed him an orange juice. When all was ready, she was happy to kiss him awake and see him greet her and smile. "Good morning, my angel of the morning... have you slept well?" He asked, and added "any morning wood for me?"

"No silly... and don't worry, baby love, my carnal needs are VERY WELL taken care of. Breakfast in bed?"

"Ho Wow!!! Sure! Thanks a million, honeybunch, I can't remember my last bed-in... and I have very good memory! I love you and you spoil me too much already."

"Right... in 50 years, maybe... now eat!" Matthew did so, smiled and let her jest slide... Mea obviously did not realize they would likely not have 50 years together and, as he was lost in that thought, Mea broke the ice. "Youhou! Where did my lover go? Everything all right?"

"Yes, honey... just mesmerized by the heavenly taste of this breakfast burrito."

"Hmm hmm... say sweetie, I couldn't help but noticing your blood pressure numbers. Is that all on me?"

"Ha! Ha! Sure! Most of it and I'm VERY happy about it!!!" Matthew laughed heartily, with a booming voice that filled the room and that surprised Mea. She was used to him whispering or speaking softly to her. "But, on a more serious note, I do have to admit that most of my sports were done at the office and if I want to keep on being careful, I'll have to adapt my weekly routine."

"What did you do at the office?"

"Well, the one nice thing about working at City Hall is that we had free access to a gym and shower rooms during the noon hour. So I organized a volley-ball league and we played on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Also, my former colleague Nathalie is a Zumba trainer and she had outlined a routine for us on Fridays."

"You? Zumba?"

"Yes, honey... is that so hard to believe?"

"Baby, I've seen you dance, or rather try to..." Mea smirked.

"Qui aime bien chatie bien, huh? I never said I was any good! But I moved and sweated a lot... and the ladies were happy that some of the guys joined in."

"Wow... and the other days?"

"Settlers of Catan, in my office. It's a very fun board game, especially for planners!!! Anyway, I organized that league too, and kept stats and scores."

Mea was having a puzzled, disbelieving look. "Have I got this right, Matthew? Let's recap... you had a full-time career, two part-time jobs, a home life that sounded like the modern equivalent of the book of Job, you donated plasma weekly, you did volunteer work in a children's hospital, you supported your family AND you organized extracurricular activities??!!?? Have I got it all?"

"No..." Matthew was trying hard to not laugh "... there were drum lessons on Saturday afternoons."

"This is crazy!!! I fell in love with a Saint!!! How could you be alone? Any sane woman should be in love with you, just on principle!!! And I'm not talking about the mind-blowing sex!!!"

"It's nice of you to throw back my compliment at me, honey, but from my perspective, in all these endeavors I came up short. The jobs were essential but we were always 1-2 months away from financial collapse and every time I felt things were about to settle, some new drama required both attention and funds. I love volley-ball, very much, and I love the dynamics of team sports, but look at me: I could barely manage a block at the net. Same thing for drums: I have a good ear for music but no musical talent whatsoever... I can't jam or play by ear my favorite songs, which all happen to be rhythmic pieces of anthology anyway..."

"All I have ever tried has always fallen short or I ended up inadequate... but at least I did see the happiness my efforts brought in others and I lived vicariously through that. It often pulled me through when times were tough."

Mea has stopped eating and silently went behind Matthew's chair, hugging him snuggly. "My beautiful Matthew... there is nothing inadequate about you when you're near me. I love you."

"You know what Mea? I absolutely believe you... that certainty, when we're together, makes me feel good about myself and also about ourselves."

"So... since it is a BE-AU-TIFUL day today, and you need to get acquainted with your new hometown, what do you say we take a nice long walk down historic Beaufort and talk about hobbies we could share along the way?"

"I would like that, Mea... very much, in fact."

"Oh... and since last Thursday was payday... could we also make a couple of stops to do some shopping?"

"Sure thing ... that would be great."

Mea shrieked in delight "I am SSSO spoiled!!!" and showered him with kisses.

**** Why can't it wait 'til morning ****

Mea woke up in agony on her bare bed. Despite Matthew's best efforts with the curtains, the little mid-morning light that shone through was murderously bright and stinging a throbbing headache. She was hearing Matthew doing chores near the sink and, at a thankfully low volume, some music she never heard before. She recognized Phil Collins singing but Matthew had never played this song until now. The drums were hard, loud and bare. Both the guitar riffs and the lyrics sounded... angry.

As Mea knew, by now, that Matthew modeled his musical whims on his mood, she started to worry. When she tried to get out of bed, nausea warned her against the idea and she cried out, in misery, as memories started inkling back. "Mattheeew, I'm sssooorryyyy..."

Matthew immediately stopped what he was doing and rushed to her side, with a tall glass full of water. She saw kindness, she saw benevolence but she saw no smile. "Here Mea, drink this... even if you think you can't hold it in... you need it. Rest... I'm not going to ask you how you feel."

"Thank you... eeuugghhhh, I do feel sick... and can I have some Aspirin?"

Matthew looked at clock and deliberated "We're cheating a little, but sure, I'll bring you some right away. Be right back." He kissed her softly on the forehead.

Now she was really worried. "Matthew, please stay near meeeee... I feel awfffful..."

"Of course, darling, take these and I'm not moving an inch away from you."

"Matthew, I know I did something wrong... I can see you're hurt and mad. I'm so sssooorrryyyy but I can only put some of the pieces together. Please tell me what happened."

"There is no need, baby. First of all, I am not hurt and mad... I am sore and worried, there's a difference. Second, nothing terrible happened, so please let's just focus on getting you better."

"I need to know, baby... I reaaally feel awful."

"I'm not going to be a reliable narrator, so I don't think it's a good idea."

"That bad!??! What happened?"

Matthew took a deep sigh. "In essence, you were frisky and you fucked me, like I was a cock-sleeve, through hell and high water. Don't worry, baby, I love you and, thankfully, there will be no consequences we can't live with. I'm not going anywhere... now please rest."

"Oh myyyy ggooooddd." Mea was sobbing now, which would surely not help her headache. "I feeeellll horrrible, baby... so my blurs and visions are true!!! I feel like I raped you! You're going to leaaaavvve meeee! You HAVE to tell me. Evvvery stinking detail... Matthew baby I love you and I failed you. I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry-I'm-sorry..."

"Shhhtttt, sweetheart, or that headache will turn into a migraine... will you calm down if I tell the tale... at least the part in which I was involved?" He was trying to dry her tears.

"Promisssssed."

And so he told. Caressing her face and hair all along.

Matthew parked his Sentra in front of the Front Street Grill at Stillwater, to pick up Mea and two coworkers, Gina and Elizabeth, from a girls night out from work. Normally, Mea did not take part in these things, but ten days of amorous joy had changed her all-around outlook on life and her mood at work, to the point of people noticing and complimenting her about it. Technically, it was a send-off for Gina before she took a short leave of absence, but she guessed she would be partly in the spotlight and, to her surprise, wanted it. Matthew was to be the beck-and-call designated driver and he was sincerely delighted for Mea, wishing her a good time.

When he saw the ladies, it was obvious they had spent a lot more time at the rhum bar part of the establishment than at the grill. Silently cursing himself for hoping no one would throw up in the car, he helped his passengers limp along, get seated and fastening their seatbelts.

"Ssso you're the cream in Mea's coffee!!??!! My my... no wonder ssshe's ssso happy. Sssuch a gentlemannn. I tell you, it's like you made a whhhole nnneeew Mea... good for youuuu!"

"Now, now, ladies..." Mea slurred in "... Matthew and I had a disscussssion on the vvvery subject and he doesn't like to shhhhhare. Nnnoooo threesomes or orgies. Ssssorrry, go find your own creamer."