About Music and Determinism

"Now, obviously our union would be civil, but I haven't followed the US or state statutes or the public opinion on the question, especially here, as I seem to recall North Carolina in the news on this issue. Your life is here, and I feel I belong here with you, but I will never want to put you through a painful process for its own sake."

"Second, well... in fact, marriage is an institution that we don't specifically need. From our conversations, I can't tell whether it's you or Oliver that hates kids more and, in any case, I'm getting old for parenting all over again, so I don't see kids in our future, even by adoption. When we will buy property, I am absolutely willing to draw up a life contract and my favorite option would be the same as a marriage - 50:50. My will is already about to be amended. We can, therefore, live and thrive in a common-law union. On that same line of thought, know that if I ask you to marry me and you refuse, I'm not leaving you... Mea, I'm NEVER leaving you unless you want me to."

"Now, last but not least, marriage is an institution based on family and forever. And I don't take this lightly. I joked once that I was a pelican, but Mea, I really am. This means that, first of all, I tell my kids about us and live with the consequences, come what may. You will have to decide if you approach your folks - that's not for me choose. It also means we have to ponder the future. Mea, right now we are nothing short of perfect together. And I know from experience that I can work to sustain a marriage and you have already shown me you could. So, in fact, I believe you and I WOULD make it work. Even 10 years from now. If I take really good care of myself, probably even 20 years from now..."

"But then you get to take care of an elderly while you're still 48 and full of life. And when the fateful day comes for me to go - and please know that my fondest wish is that the last I see and hear on this Earth is you telling me you love me - I fear it will be difficult for you to rebuild your life and you will still have much to live for. Mea, I'm aware of this and it somehow makes me feel selfish to ask about marriage. But, on the other hand, how can I sit here saying I want to love you forever and ever and not ask?"

Matthew was done. He was breathing deeply and heavily.

Mea was silently crying, both her eyes welling like fountains. She wiped them and took her turn. "Wow... you really have thought this trough. And forgive me for ridiculing your determinism thing, I see it all so clearly now."

"What do you mean?"

"You have foreseen, with absolute certainty, the end of our life together. Well, Matthew, my gorgeous Matthew that I love so much, I will add to the certainty right here and now. Knowing what we both know, about how it will end, I tell you that I choose to have it. I want this. I want this happiness, whatever amount of seconds I can get. Matthew, I never lied to you - just carefully omitted once or twice - and it was the truth when I told you I was learning to live by myself. I was battered and my soul was broken. You made me whole and, even better, you made me happy. I WANT this, Matthew. I want YOU. When the fates take you away from me, then I will go back to the initial plan, with all the fond memories of a lifetime of happiness with you to sustain me. Matthew, if you ask, when you ask... I will say yes."

"Now take me to bed or lose me forever!" Mea was crying and smiling at the same time.

Matthew, wiping his eyes and starting the engine, grinned "You know about Top Gun?" Mea pulled his ear.

Once Mea opened the studio door, Matthew pulled her back, picked her up and carried her over the threshold. As he was about to settle her on the bed, Mea changed her mind. "Matthew, please dance with me." Matthew could not be more pleased and agreed silently. It had become part of their foreplay, especially after the Front Grill incident. Mea had Matthew assemble a playlist of all the ballads on his IPod and they slow danced, right there in front of the bed, until the closeness excited them to lovemaking. They danced every night except when Mea preferred the seductive approach via sexy lingerie.

The playlist lasted almost 90 minutes and, tonight, Matthew and Mea danced throughout all of it, barely needing to speak. Except during one song, when Phil Collins sang "If leaving me is easy" Mea asked:

"Is it?"

"No Mea, it will be the hardest thing I have ever done. Half of me will be here and there will be nothing but a shell, over there without you, watching the autumn leaves." Matthew choked up.

"Won't you miss Gatineau?"

"No Mea, home is where the heart is, and Beaufort is already my home. I don't feel like I'm returning home, I feel like I'm going away... to my house."

"Will you keep it? The house, I mean..."

"That will have to be discussed with Oliver... that and your beautiful hickey." Mea giggled as she watched her mark on Matthew which, as he had predicted, remained very preeminent. If it was only my call, I would sell it and leave the kids their inheritance shares of the sales price to start their own life. I've not talked much about Oliver to you, haven't I? Or about Emily, either... I'm so sorry baby, I wish so much for more time..." He choked again.

"Shhhh" and Mea kept on dancing, gently stroking his hair. When the playlist was over, she whispered "Please make love to me, Matthew baby."

"Yes I will, my darling love... but you first, pretty please."

They silently shared a shower, almost in reverence, got themselves clean and toweled each other lovingly. And proceeded to the bed.

Their kiss tonight startled them both as it carried desperation for the first time. After exciting themselves by their warmth and fondling caresses, Mea proceed to re-introduce herself to Matthew's anus, licking it extra clean, probing it with her tongue and, finally, lubing it with two fingers. It was obvious to both of them the lovemaking would be facing each other, to allow their wet eyes a last contact, and Mea slowly penetrated her beloved in a single, slow, gentle, push. She kissed him and proceeded to make love to him, with long slow strokes. Matthew returned the kiss with ardor and, this one time, preferred caressing her back and her hair rather than her breasts. With both their mouths full by kissing, they still vocalized their love with playful moans. When Mea came, she could feel in her mouth Matthew panting, signaling his own orgasm.

"I'm in heaven Matthew, I never want to stop doing this... I love you... now it's your turn."

By now, they knew their bodies well. Matthew returned the courtesy of licking and probing Mea's sphincter, pleased at hearing her breathing quicken. While he was lubing her love canal, he turned around to allow Mea to suck his cock back to full erection.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Come, baby... take me now..."

And so Matthew penetrated Mea, with little difficulty. The kiss was returned as if they had never stopped, the desperation even more intense now. He still did not have her skill and control, but he managed to stroke her gently. At this point, Mea's moaning foretold she was going to cum quickly so Matthew let his passion override his control in the end. While he was coming inside her, he started a gentle handjob on her hardening cock, keeping their lips locked until she erupted again, on both of their chests. They took turns licking each other clean, whispering words of eternal love, and let their bliss drift them asleep in each other's arms.

---

"Is your cell phone fully charged?"

"Yes Mea. I will call you at all the pit stops and take the nearest exit to read your texts. I promise." Matthew did not say this flippantly. He wanted their last moment not cheapened by banter.

"Checked the road conditions?"

"Yes baby, no snow in Gatineau and I don't have to put on winter tires until December 15." She obviously did not know much about September climate in Gatineau, but Matthew didn't care and addressed her unfounded worries seriously.

"Then go, baby, be careful and return me quickly and forever... I love you so much, Matthew."

"I love you Mea... I promise I will be careful and quick. When I return, it's for good."

Then Matthew left the parking and drove away. And Mea lost herself, in tears, in her studio, before readying herself for work.

**** Follow you, follow me ****

Mea was standing in front of her parking lot, her eyes on her cell phone. She was puffing with impatience, looking at the last text.

"Last Pit stop. Leaving Bethel now. Arrive in 2 hours. Can't wait. Love x 1 000 :)"

That should put him here at around... 9h 34min PM.

11 days, 16 hours and 23 minutes since he had left. Mea had hated every stinking minute of it, and nothing had alleviated her loneliness, almost her grief - not the twice daily phone calls, not the progress reports by e-mail, not the attempts at phone sex. She hated particularly those because she felt them to be one way, a graceful effort at intimacy on the part of Matthew, but she could feel he was either not into it or incapable of fully enjoying it. A topic for later, maybe...

Then, yesterday afternoon, the triumphant progress report on which Mea staked her entire happiness arrived: success. Her Matthew was coming back to her, and forever. He promised so at least 20 times during their last nightly phone call, before he rested for the long road tomorrow.

So now her despair was replaced by a craving, a wanting need. She just could not wait, as she tried to recognize all the headlights and grille patterns flashing past her. For all of her self-reliance and self-control, Mea could not foretell how she would react in front of him.

At last, almost on cue - she was learning that Matthew was indeed an uncompromising practitioner of cruise control - Mea recognized the shape of a Sentra. A familiar shape that headed this way and slowing. His Sentra. He was here. Her breathing was not.

(He has driven 16 hours, Mea, he will be exhausted... take care of him, you love him)

Mea was standing by the contour lines of the parking lot by now, the wheels on Sentra mere inches from her feet. Mea could see the smiling beautiful face of her lovely Matthew, lit from the instrument panel, through the window. She actually felt a pang of anger when the engine stopped, depriving her of this sight. And then he unbuckled himself and opened the door...

The kiss was so passionate, it was almost violent, Mea needing lips, tongue, teeth, hands, breasts and every inch of her body she could latch on her beloved to express need, gratitude, happiness, impatience... and above all love. They hadn't yet spoken a word and Mea had, in fact, pinned Matthew to the open door of his car and was almost trying to merge with him.

When Mea felt, from all this friction, both burgeoning erections from their groins, she increased the pace, moaning appreciatively, and rubbed her crotch. Matthew, bedazzled, went from being a tired homecoming hero to being dry-humped in the open. And, feeling Mea would not sway, he reciprocated and gave it his all. They were now both kissing, humping, caressing and moaning to the side of the car and Mea briefly interrupted the kiss to ask. "Babyyyy, are you close to cuming? I ammmmm..."

"Hmmmmgghhhh... yeaaaa..." and Matthew immediately pulled Mea's lips back on his. They came together and stayed interlocked in their embrace, panting alongside the car, for what seemed a blissful eternity.

There was a shiver in Mea's voice as she greeted her beloved. "Hi baby... I want you so BAD!" And, without another word, she led Matthew by the hand to her bed, foregoing luggage and barely leaving him time to close the door. Matthew usually walked briskly... this time Mea almost ran, leading her Matthew who was as perplexed as on that first afternoon.

When they got in, Mea would simply not wait: she dropped her shorts to reveal her pantyless derriere and tossed the lube in Matthew's hands. Her voice was low and savage. "Get in there baby... NOW... please..." and Mea was pulling his hand towards her ass. Matthew was bewildered, at this point, and excited to the point of befuddlement. He lubed and caressed her sphincter with one, then two fingers. But tonight, he quickly realized, would be different.

"More, Baby, More! and HARDER!!!"

Three fingers.

"MOOOORE!!! Come on baby, GIVE IT to me! GIVE IT ALL!!!"

At this point, Matthew was paralyzed, and he did not know if it was desire or fear - probably both. Never in his wildest imagination he figured he would be fisting the love of his life, tonight of all nights, and he was seeing, with his own eyes, the blurring of lines between her pleasure and her pain. He was four fingers in now, and lubing his thumb and fist area.

"COME ON BABY!!! GET IT ALL IN THERE!!! COME OOOOONNNN!!!"

He felt ridiculous trying to delicately angle his thumb so as to diminish the area of contact... but he kept at it and soon was stroking his entire forearm in her. Mea was wailing like a banshee. "AAAAAHHHHH!!!! CUMMMING!!!! FFFFUCCCKKKKK!!!"

As soon as he felt the orgasm subside, Matthew proceeded to gently pull out but Mea yelled. "OOOOHHHHH NNOO BABY!!!! KEEP GOING! COME ON!!!"

"Mea, darling... this is crazy..." Matthew was feeling his eyes moisten.

"Remember the safe word?"

"yes..."

"Then DONT! EVER! STOP!"

So Matthew kept at it, terrified of what he was doing to her. She came once, twice and, by the third time, Mea sounded like a constant howl, her arms flailing the pillows in front of her.

"Mea... please ... please stop..." but Matthew was whispering and Mea was bellowing her orgasms... his pleas were useless until, thankfully, came the word of deliverance.

"PEAAACH!"

He immediately pulled out, in one swift stroke, fearing she would change her mind. While she was panting, her entire body slouched forward on the pillows, Matthew was inspecting Mea's anal area, dreading to find blood or lesions. He was still at a loss for words, when he perceived a mumbling coming from the pillows. He leaned forward.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou... oh thank you..." She was crying.

And he decided to wait her out, hoping to make sense of what just transpired. Luckily, it appeared he inflicted no damage to his darling Mea, who was still scaring him at the moment. When she was ready, sense came all at once, seemingly in one breath.

"Oh baby thank you, thank you so much. You cannot EVER leave me again for so long! I was so miserable, and hearing you, on that first phone call, crying in your room, in Lupe's room, got me so scared and alone, back to the broken soul I once had. Baby, I was afraid you would never come back to me... I cannot compete with a dead wife of 30 years and I thought I lost you forever... and part of me died and the rest of me just waited to follow suit!"

"And then you keep your promise, like you always do with me, and I have to wait and wait and realize I'm burning inside for you. I'm afraid of you Matthew, of what you do to me... we only met a MONTH ago! So I led you to my darkest place, to my lowest - believe it or not, you were not even the worst at it - and like all you do for me, you made it pure, you made it loving and you followed me, trusting me like always. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, Matthew... please tell me you are mine... I really need to hear it."

When Matthew recovered his voice and his senses, he kissed her first, a soft kiss on her wet lips, then confirmed, full of tenderness "I am truly yours Mea. Forever. And, as soon as I get my things inside, I never need go anywhere, far from you, ever again."

Matthew was stunned at Mea's transformation, as she morphed from harpy to giggling lover in less than an instant. "You silly man!!! You make me crazy! You go get your things, baby... I think I need a bath... sorry if I'm not any help. I love youuu!" And, like a month before, her kiss of love healed all.

"Take your time, my love... we have all the time in the world." He even graveled his voice, going for a Louis Armstrong impression... nothing... she just headed in the bathroom, giggling.

When Mea got out of her bath, she found Matthew sitting on the bed, almost dozing off. On the table, beside his luggage, was a single red rose alongside a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, full of different textures and with a rainbow of colors. Matthew had placed them in a vase with water and he was watching them. Mea recognized that look from the ferry: he was inwardly talking to himself. She shrieked in delight, both to show appreciation and rouse him.

"Mattheeeew!!! They're beautiful! You are spoiling me, already! Thank you!!! But why the separate rose, baby? There are nice ones in the bouquet..."

"We can solve that little mystery tomorrow, honey... there is no rush..."

"I am SO sorry, I was telling myself you must be exhausted before the fire in my butt took over my brain. Come on baby, please go to sleep. There is no way in hell I can sleep... I'm waaay to worked up. Go ahead, baby, good night... I'll watch you sleep and we'll talk in the morning."

"Like I could sleep with you awake!" Matthew chuckled and propped himself up. "Do you know that, when you made me that hickey - yes dear, the one you can still see here - I thought for an instant you were a vampire about to drain me?"

"No kidding?"

"Absolutely. The only thing I could not settle in my mind was whether you were about to feed on me or Sire me to keep me with you forever... of course, I wished for the latter." Matthew was blushing now.

"How romantic!!!" Mea was all giggles and Matthew had not seen that smile in a long while.

"Indeed! It would have given our couple a nice Twilight or Vampire Masquerade flair..." Matthew was in on the fun... but suddenly turned solemn. He had made up his mind.

"Speaking of forever... Mea my love, would you please sit on the bed, please?" It was a nice change to see HER puzzled, for once...

"Ooookkkayyyy..."

Matthew then silently walked to the table and picked up the single rose. Turning back, he gave Mea a look of love that mollified her where she sat. Matthew was caught up in the emotion as well and wiped his eyes before carrying on his scenario. Without saying a word, he stepped towards her, took a deep breath and dropped on one knee.

"Matthew?" But she could not continue as Matthew gently placed a finger on his lips.

After a moment, he spoke very softly. "Mea, 37 days ago, I stepped out of a boat hoping to relieve my sorrow by reliving my past. Little did I to know that, instead, I would be walking towards a future full of beauty, love and hope. I am already grateful, and loved, and happy to be with you, but tonight I wish above all else to be true to the last promise I made you. Maria Elena Cordoba, would you make me the happiest man in the universe by agreeing to let me love you forever and become my wife?"

Mea was incoherent with emotion, her hands shaking, her head quivering, her entire body bobbing on the bed. She was fighting with herself because she did not want to make Matthew wait, even though she had already promised her answer. She signed repeatedly in the affirmative with her head, her hands still shaking on his cheeks, when finally it came out.

"Yes!!! Oh Yes Yes!!! My beautiful Matthew, I want so much to be your wife! Thank you Thank you! You have made me, AGAIN, so HAPPY! I am yours... and you are finally mine and I am SO HAPPY! I want this forever! Now please kiss me..."

For their first kiss as fiances, they both instinctively chose a long, chaste kiss of love, with an ambiance of appreciative moans. Then Mea remembered something nagging at her. "Honeyyyy, why the rose?" she asked, now able to take it from his hands and smell it.

"Because of your name."

"Huh?"

"You see, from the very beginning I found your name lovely, but rather unique. The French equivalent is common. In fact, I had schoolmates, friends and neighbors named Marie-Helene, and even the current general manager in Gatineau bears that name. But there was only one Maria Elena I knew about, and she would be Maria Elena Santiago, Buddy Holly's widow. And since I was so smitten by you, the image stuck. You should know Buddy Holly proposed, with a rose, five hours into their first date. So there... sorry if it's unconventional and corny."