by Rabbat
For a writer to improve, it is certainly about the grammer, plot development, character development, etc. For me, this was an entertaining piece and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
I second that stopping fast as the other person commented about doing. This is another author who knows nothing about basic human anatomy, and less about decent grammar. Just scanning to reach the end showed a high frequency of "word...word" construct which proves the point of bad grammar.
Seems to be reasonably good as far as grammar and punctuation. Plot wise...meh.