All Comments on 'Across Black Seas of Infinity Ch. 01'

I'm intrigued! It seems a bit rushed, but I like the concept and am interested to see where it leads.

Interesting that you say it feels rushed. I felt like some of the scene-setting was verbose, and the dialog is wordier than in my previous writing I think. Is there any specific part that you mean? I greatly appreciate the feedback.

Like a wam bam thank you mam story. To the point. On the surface the prof and his asst drugged and raped the young student. Absolutely no reasoning was gone into to have the girl give an informed consent to what they did to her. Then at the end I could see no evidence she remembered anything, except for a sore pussy and an obsession for an old blunt knife. He even admitted to drugging and raping her.

Well, hopefully the mystery will become more clear as we go!

I wasn't going to comment, since I didn't have any constructive criticism or feedback that might improve this or future chapters/stories, but after reading the comments I felt that I wanted to add my own take on this chapter.

It didn't feel rushed to me in the least. Sure, if you were writing a novel-length story then a reader should expect a more drawn-out introductory chapter, but that's not the case with this story, so I don't find any fault there.

As for "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" and rape/non-consent, etc... I didn't interpret the story that way at all. It seemed obvious to me that what had occurred in front of the fireplace was all accomplished magically/mystically or whatever, and that the professor and his assistant didn't participate in anything physical during this vision. Whether or not it was meant that way, I don't know, but that's how I read it. It also seemed obvious to me that the reason Abigail didn't complain about being sexually abused when she woke up the next morning was because she too knew that the events were not congruous with anything that had taken place in the real (physical) world. Quite frankly it seems crass to assume that this was nothing more than "roofies and a date rape".

Thanks for your perspective. I hope you enjoy the later chapters.

I think this is a very good first chapter. I think it's difficult to pull off purple prose in erotica (or even generally, TBH) and I think you did it well. I also really liked the level of detail and the way you present your world building; there aren't any info dumps and we are only presented with new information when we really need it. For sure, Victoria is my favorite character so far: smart, cautious, dedicated.

All that being said, you did ask for constructive criticism and I do have one critique. I thought Abigail's emotional response to the whole ordeal was kind of apathetic or, at the very least, a major underreaction. During the branding ritual, that apathy made sense; she was clearly under the hypnotic influence of the knife. But the next morning--after the protective rune has been placed--she is only mildly embarrassed. She thinks she just had sex with her professor in front of his grad student! I would be mortified! And if Abigail is as studious as we have been led to believe, she knows just how badly that kind of student/teacher misconduct could look, but she just kind of shrugs it off and leaves with a magical knife. This makes it hard to relate to Abigail as a character and truly empathize with her.

Just my two cents; will read more.

Thanks for the feedback. I agree that Abigail's reaction to the aftermath is underwhelming. I'm going to take a stab at rewriting it.

Really really good, but heads up, it seems to be abandoned after Ch 10, which is a massive shame.