Adventures of Hollywood Jim Ch. 86

Guess I was asking for it.

When I arrived on the "Return of Hannie Caulder" set, I could sense this would be a different production than the last film. Mainly because Miley was nowhere to be found. She was in Europe on a concert tour and would join the production once it finished. The atmosphere was more low key than before. Mark was in control of things, he had the luxury of shooting everything "in sequence" and following the script.

"Smooth sailing, Captain Stein?" I asked

"Very smooth...no divas on set...at least not yet." he said casually "And for a first timer, my co-star has been rather good."

"Oh, yeah...I never heard who else would be in the film."

"Well, our co-star is over there getting a little touch-up done."

I looked across to where a makeup tech was working on a girl in a weathered frontier dress. The girl's hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she was fidgeting with a few buttons on the front.

"She looks familiar..."

"Yeah, that's Ariel." Mark said

"Ariel..." then suddenly realized who it was "Ariel?"

"Yeah, Ariel Winter. You know, from "Modern Family"."

I was staring at the girl I'd had a beach side tryst with in Mexico. And Mark seemed to know by my face what could be on my mind.

"Planning on a little cradle-robbing, Hollywood?"

"Me? NO! I just...uh..." I stammered "Uh...h-h-how old is she?"

"She's old enough to know what she's doing, or don't you read the papers?"

"I do read them...I'm just...how old is she again?"

Mark looked at me, his eyes narrowed, like I'd just landed from Mars.

"If you must know...she just turned 18. Didn't you see the story, it was in all the tabloid rags. I'm sure a zillion guys were counting down the days 'til her birthday."

I tried not to show my relief.

"Try and control yourself, dude. Remember, I was once here too." he said as he walked away. He was right. Mark knew all about the Villa del Sol debacle, and was lucky he hadn't been caught up in it like I was.

Best thing for me to do was to be "Mr. Professional" so for the remainder of the shoot, I took my pictures, stayed out of Mark's way and watched movie magic as it happened. Ariel didn't seem to notice me the whole time I was there.

And Ms. Miley? She blew onto the set 2 days late, argued constantly with Mark, and ignored me.

And just as I predicted, the film went straight to the shelves of Wal-Mart Superstores nationwide. If I wanted a copy, I'd have to buy it myself."Associate Producers" aren't entitled to freebies.

From the studios, that is.