All Comments on 'After Work Special'

I really liked the descriptiveness of the scene. Watching can be very arousing. I look forward to more.

quite good as a stroke story, especially for a first time effort. I noticed a few mechanical errors but not enough to detract from the story. There is one other thing, which I will describe in an email.

We love to play in front of each other, too. Your descriptions were very arousing. We both loved it.

Kay and Steve

I've noticed in my own writing over the years a tendency toward bathroom stories and stories about masturbation, so perhaps I'm not the most objective judge here. However, I found this tale very arousing and wonderfully descriptive. Though I'm not crazy about the term "stroke story", I'd say this definitely qualifies as the kind of erotica the average reader can identify with and thus use as fuel for their own masturbatory fantasies. One particularly nice touch was the decision to have your protagonist perform fellatio on her husband rather than simply watching him finish himself, yet keeping the focus of her thoughts primarily on her own arousal while doing so. By structuring the scene in this way, you afford the male reader the opportunity to indulge in his own fantasies about a submissive wife intent only on pleasing him while simultaneously keeping female readers engaged in the heroine's own sensual experience. Personally, I feel that too many writers stumble during first-person narratives by placing too much emphasis on descriptive language about the partner's endowments, sensations, etc., causing readers who, to that point, identified closely with the protagonist to momentarily lose that vital connection. While we all love to pleasure our lovers, it is also true that we are frequently thinking of the delights that await us during such moments. By sticking to one voice, you make your tale and your character much more believable. On the negative side, I'd say the line about the students in the opening paragraph could be a little tighter, and the realism might have been further enhanced by giving the husband a name. Still, a very hot story that's worthy of multiple reads. Looking forward to more of your work!

At first read, my thought was okay; but not outstanding, not memorable, just a stroke story and there is nothing wrong with that and it was, I think, a first submission.

But after reading the second story listed, I felt I would go back vote a 5, which is all I ever vote, either no vote or a 5, personal preference, to buffer your total score because I want more out of you than stroke stories....smiles...

amicus...

The idea of a lover and I watching each other masturbate is one of my hottest fantasies. Thanks for indulging us with this, Cerise.

Rather short but really well written for a first attempt.