All Comments on 'Afternoon Delight'

Afternoon Delight is a superb tale

"The lightening was nature's most stunning work of art. Crackling across the darkened sky the long fingers of silver seemed to have a life of their own."

Your work of literary Art shines head and shoulders

above the rest sweetie~ anm Annora delight~

next time it rains I'm looking for a barn. <grin>

One more chapter for us, you are the inspiration that brings my writing to life. Thank you for the wonderful journey...

Alex

A favourable comment from MET is often a good guide as to whether I will like a story. But NOT this time, I'm afraid.

I have no idea if this story is any damn good because I got fed up trying to work out, too many times, what you were trying to say.

Look at this:

**** The market was exciting the scents the sounds. The people it was so alive we enjoyed the shopping. ****

At first I thought...."Huh?..The market was exciting the scents???"

I spent so long working out that you meant to say, "The market was exciting; the scents, the sounds, the people. It was so alive; we enjoyed the shopping."

It becomes tedious having to do this and I stopped reading.

Some punctuation makes a hell of a difference.

I've sent you a mail showing 50 corrections in two pages. Unfortunately they don't stand out so you might not even notice them...but I think you REALLY should use an editor.

This story, in particular, shows a lot of potential. If only the lack of punctuation wasn't so distracting I would have said that your story was good...but because I got distracted over and over and over and over and over again....well it makes it very painful to read. An editor would take care of your "punctuation problem" and you would have fewer people complaining about your stories if you used one.

No...not me...you'd hate me too much...but please....be good to yourself, stop being so pig-headed and listen to what people are saying.....USE AN EDITOR!!!!!

Lady Cibelle attack my work on this venue. Tell me the problems that the over 5000 readers, overlook. But DO NOT

send me email!

I'm not asking for your help. My story rings of truth to stop and explain each sentence to my reader. Well, it makes me come out like I find them ignorant.

I do not know you. I don't want to know you.

I want no email from you.

Attack me here in the open. Don't blind side me, again. We are not friends nor ever will be.

Well you got it!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried to be nice to you, I didn't want to demean you which is why I sent you a mail instead of plastering this board with how bad your "writing" *makes me want to puke associating writing with you in the same sentence* is. It'll show me to try and be nice to an undeserving pile of CM like you!!!

I'm not your friend, don't want to be your friend and DEFINITELY NOT asking for your friendship..you stupid COW!!! My friends are literate and show some decency when somebody points mistakes to them.

You're only crying foul because I showed you in black and white how shitty your "writing skills", (I apologize to the REAL WRITERS, to call THIS drivel "skills", are. You didn't ask for my help, true, my bad...but what's the problem really??? You want to go and cry to mommy because someone had the guts to tell you to your face how pitiful your stories are???

Not only are your stories pitiful but you're even incapable of writing a pile of shit to me without making grammatical mistakes in it....what kind of school did you attend?? One for the mentally challenged..or should I say..one for those who lack brains???

Let me see, just in the first few para’s:

Ended up DOA you want to go out? Isn’t this a Dead On Arrival?

Then why say “I couldn't do that; this was a living human.” 4 sentences later? Are you pronouncing on a zombie? Shouldn’t the sentence have read “this had once been a living human being”???

Love this one ” The phone jangled my nerves awake before my mind woke up. I reached out to stop the annoyance in hopes to not wake up.” First, because you never said you were asleep, then because from the gist of the rest of the story, you never did wake up.

Oh and I loved this one: “His face cracked into a beautiful smile I loved that face” You love the smile, that his face cracks, or both? Period or “full stops” are not just for breakfast anymore, you know!

You owe LadyC an apology. You really do need an editor. And if you are getting 5000 hits then I would have expected better.

Let me see, just in the first few para’s:

Ended up DOA you want to go out? Isn’t this a Dead On Arrival?

Then why say “I couldn't do that; this was a living human.” 4 sentences later? Are you pronouncing on a zombie? Shouldn’t the sentence have read “this had once been a living human being”???

Love this one ” The phone jangled my nerves awake before my mind woke up. I reached out to stop the annoyance in hopes to not wake up.” First, because you never said you were asleep, then because from the gist of the rest of the story, you never did wake up.

Oh and I loved this one: “His face cracked into a beautiful smile I loved that face” You love the smile, that his face cracks, or both? Period or “full stops” are not just for breakfast anymore, you know!

You owe LadyC an apology. You really do need an editor. And if you are getting 5000 hits then I would have expected better.

plus groupies ...how quaint more rainbow poet society fans wanting to be grammar police. I read the feedback edit from LADY C! all the while correcting and editing and saying how bad annora writes. (that's not a good sign of a good person)I told annora I felt the feedback was sincere anyway and she (lady C) did take time to 'play' with the story. I find this curious because if you really don't like annora's story then why read it or 'EDIT' it, when I read a story I don't like I leave no comment and go on to more moving tales. Not try and change a person to be what I want from them of course many do. I like Annoras stories very imaginative. She has a style of her own, her stories, cabin and river boat would show she writes from passion. That's writing with the wind, type and go. She does this for a hobby, hint hint this is an amature site, her true profession takes up a lot of her time so she comes home and writes a tale like afternoon delight about her day mixed with what she wants out of life ...love! and then gets monkey chatter from the critics. Excepted! some can not see the forest for the trees, some can't see a good story past their own grammar hang up. When you read your childs write, do you tell them they can't write?

I heard it ten times or less <grin> use an editor, well thats a bigger problem, I still am waiting on some to reply from last year, one editor still has my valentines day story contest tale because I thought using an editor would make it perfect or close to it. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm not screaming at the editor who has had her fill of problems. The one good editor I found no longer edits, so there is more trouble with trying to find one much less use one. with that ...annora writes good stories you know she doesn't use an editor, don't read her tales. (I will)

verbal lashings don't help. you know how an author writes,

I go to a book store and look down the shelf and see some authors I've purchased a book from and won't again <grin> then some I hunt their names and read all they write. It's the same any where. I apologize to annora for her comment section being a verbal debate forum, I apologize to lady C for calling her the grammar ploice but when you site some one for their grammar instead of exceptance then I feel some one is police-ing anothers actions...'Dick' got it from the fashion police the other day ...now this! Freedom has a price, everyone police everyone, but not themselves.

Exceptance is the key to tranquility.

sorry this grew while writing <grin>

I just read the reply to the criticism of the writing and I am tempted to critique HIS writing! You can certainly tell English isn't his primary language, nor secondary and barely tertiary! No wonder his editor takes so bloody long! There are so many mistakes! My turnaround time on a submission: 4 hours max. Suggest anything? And I have ""The Bitch" for an editor!

We need the grammar police! I would like to point out to him that a major problem in the US and one reason we are losing our preeminece at least educationally, as exemplified in this "piece" is because we have emnbraced the idea of "if one can't rise to a standard, immediately lower the standard"! While this may work at a bar at 2AM (At 10PM the women are all 2's and at 2AM they are alll 10's!) it isn't true in the case of showing basic composition skills!

If one cannot demonstrate basic skills and, as I demonstrated in my rebuttal keep at least within ones owns damn plot and common sense then one should think twice about posting to this site. A site which does at least attempt to strike a standard. When I see so many shining examples of good erotic and non-erotic poetry, fiction, and audio, and then comes across something like the aforementioned dreck, then I wonder what the heck is going on. If she can't take it, then I suggest she submit sans comments. I get burned as well, sometimes deservedly so. But as someone once told me (Godbless her for this) if you are gonna stick your butt out there expect to get it slapped. The rest of you may not care but I for one am sick of always partonizing to the bloody lowest common denominator!

Annora, I don't have the credentials of most of the folks here. But I can tell you that I went to your bio and read some of your other stories and they make no sense, just like this one. It seems that there is a good story there but the writing is so painful to get through. Please get an editor or someone to help you.

Annora

It's been a couple of weeks since I last looked you up and I thought I'd come and see if you have taken the advice of those people who recommended you use an editor or whether you carried on being the only one who was in-step. I see it's not the former. That's the first one BTW.

I'm kinda glad, though, that you continue to defy logic.

If your story had been edited reasonably well, I would not have enjoyed laughing when you referred to the dead person as living......lol

I see your 'defender' says you 'write with the wind, type and go.'

Would it be so difficult type and go to an editor? Or anyone?

I see your story has appeared in the 'most commented' list. Usually this is because a submission receives many favourable reviews; an exception being the abusive stuff thrown at writers in the Loving Wives category. The negative comments on the actual writing in this particular tale are 4 to 1. You must be the first person to get on these lists for POOR writing. You must be soooo proud of yourself.