Airbag Thanksgiving: Absolution

"Did she threaten us?" Her eyes rounded in shock and then flamed with rage. "How dare that bitch do this! She's not getting away with it."

No matter how I pleaded and cajoled, there was no getting through to Selena. Old rivalries never die, even death it seems could not stop the bitter struggle between the two sisters.

****

Weeks before Thanksgiving 2014

Ian

After several days of looking around her to ascertain she was not stalked by some ghostly apparition of her hated sister, Selena decided she was in the clear. Things were tense and what didn't help was the absence of the comforting figure that the housekeeper had become for the children. They fretted and whined and then they refused to eat. Selena saw in this the wicked scheme of her sister in interfering and therefore driving a wedge between us and the children. She continued in her determination to rid all remaining influence of Melissa. She removed Melissa's photos from all corners of the house and dumped them in the basement. Even Melissa's favourite china had to go. She virtually replaced everything that Melissa had bought or used in the house. The only place that was closed off to her was the children's room, which was a sore point for her. I couldn't resist Piper's pleading eyes and Steve's whiny tantrums so their room remained beyond the reach of Selena's campaign. Selena wasn't pleased and she showed her displeasure every chance she had. For one, she refused to cook after the children ate virtually none of the dinner she cooked the day the housekeeper left, hence we had had takeout every night. Then she wanted to hire part-time help to do the household chores which she was hopeless with. I agreed but somehow she was still unhappy, complaining that the new help didn't know how to get the chores done right. Finally, three days before Halloween, the current reversed.

The new hire quit because she couldn't take the children's mess and Selena's highhandedness. The laundry was undone, including Selena's important stuff. The kitchen sink was clogged and dishes were left unwashed. The house was in a mess. We had takeout for dinner again and even Selena was getting tired of her favourite deliveries. So when Steve started whining about how awful the limp fries were and how he needed that T-shirt for school tomorrow which was missing despite it never having left the house, Selena apparently had enough. She slapped her hand on the table, making the food and soda jump while I eyed her cautiously.

"That's it! Get that old woman back here if you want. Just make sure she stays out of my way and doesn't interfere with us."

Selena's baleful glare as she stalked off to the bedroom was counterbalanced by the children's gleeful smiles as they realised they had won the battle. I was just relieved that I didn't have to do all the chores and would have time to work on my Mustang.

Little did we know that disaster was just round the corner.

Halloween in our household was marked by 2 main traditions: unbelievable loads of candy, which we often had to hide from Steve who would demolish everything otherwise, and homemade costumes. Melissa never bought any of the costumes the kids wanted to wear for Halloween, she made them together with the kids. It was a great bonding process. The only time that tradition was broken was last year when she retreated into alcohol. Even then, she had helped the housekeeper put together something for the kids. Piper beg me to allow the housekeeper, who had graciously agreed to come back after the kids both got on the phone and excitedly asked when she was returning, to get Melissa's stuff which Selena had relegated to the basement along with her photos.

"Mommy always kept her scrapbooks and sewing stuff so I'm sure we can construct a costume with the cloth she kept and all the pictures she stuck in her scrapbook."

We spent much of the afternoon sorting out through the mess that Selena had created as she tossed Melissa's stuff in a haphazard manner around the basement. I had the good grace to blush as the housekeeper tut-tutted when she saw how carelessly my late wife's belongings were treated. We were briefly distracted when Piper found an album of photos of our family. The memories of all the good years we had before I discovered her affair with Johnny came flooding back. I could hardly keep the tears from my eyes when I saw how Melissa had pieced together our wedding photos which I'd torn in my fury and stuck them into the album. She had written on a beautiful piece of paper, which I recognised as hotel stationery from our honeymoon destination, the words "I won't let us go, I will repair what I've broken" The words that followed were too smudged with what looked like water stains though I thought I could make out the words "love" at some point. I shook my head and wondered why I was letting this all get to me again. I thought I'd buried all the emotion I had in me with regards to Melissa along with the guilt when I finally decided to make my relationship with Selena a permanent one.

The whisper in my mind echoed the doubts that rose at that point.

Would you have given us a second chance if you saw this before Thanksgiving?

I didn't need to turn around to see the whisper of air on my back to know Melissa had appeared. Then the voice of Selena sounded out and we all hurried upstairs before she could throw one of her tantrums again. Curiously, neither the housekeeper nor Piper seemed to notice the glowing figure I caught a glimpse of out of the corner of my eye before it disappeared.

Upstairs, Selena looked in growing disapproval and anger as the housekeeper and Piper brought a whole load of Melissa's stuff upstairs. They wisely scooted off to the children's room before Selena could make any noise. Selena was moody the rest of the night. Everything seemed to be the usual buzz of a Halloween bustle the next day till early evening when the housekeeper and Piper unveiled the kids' Halloween costume. I'd been working quietly in the garage on my Mustang when Steve came running in and gasped out, "Aunt Selena is going crazy on Piper!"

I groaned inwardly thinking how my quiet evening was going to hell. I didn't know how accurate I was going to be.

Selena was in full rage, towering over Piper, the housekeeper was in the middle trying to shield my daughter from her aunt.

"How dare you! Give me that diary and get rid of all those stupid things! You will stop helping your stupid mother torture your father and me!"

Piper looked slightly worried but the steely determination she inherited from Melissa and me was clearly there as she struggled to hold onto Melissa's scrapbooks and what looked like a battered journal that had pages torn from it. Suddenly, I realised what it was, it was Melissa's diary.

Selena had not noticed me standing there, neither had Piper, whose focus was on the centre of contention: the diary. They struggled and Piper, for all her determination, was losing to the strength of an adult. Yet she clung on, unwilling to lose her mother's treasured journal.

"No! I won't let you burn mommy's book."

"Let go you brat!" Selena yelled, stunning both the housekeeper and me with her open hostility towards the child.

"You're just like that stupid bitch! Well, I'm not going to let her or her brat win again! Give me that diary it's mine."

With that Selena raised her hand, ready to slap my eldest. The housekeeper pulled Piper to her side, forcing the kid to let go of the diary. I'd started forward, incensed by the way she treated my child. Selena's look of triumph at having won the battle was brief. The voice that rang out stunned us all.

If you ever try to lay a hand on my children again, you will hurt beyond what you can imagine.

Selena stared in silent fear at her dead sister, her hands clutching the diary in an almost nerveless manner. The feel of the journal in her hands might have triggered a sense of defiant rage in her for Selena began to straighten herself. Clutching the diary in one hand, she took out a lighter and began brandishing the lighter and the diary in front of her.

"I'm not afraid of you and I won't let you get away with it bitch! Threaten me one more time and this goes up in flames forever!" Selena practically snarled the last line. As Melissa watched with anguish on her face, Piper ran forward, yelling, "No! Mommy! Your diary!"

My little girl had ran forward, snatching at the diary at the instant that Selena's lighter touched the cover. I watched in horror as her hands were about to come into contact with the flame when Melissa was able, by some force unknown, to whisk our little girl away from harm. I'd stepped forward and grabbed my daughter before she could endanger herself once again. Looking up, I saw Melissa's face overrun with iridescent drops of tears as she watched our daughter struggling to reach out to touch her, yelling "Mommy" all the time. Whatever force she had harnessed had deserted her and her outstretched hand barely made contact with our daughter's cheek. Steve had stood beside me through much of the harrowing struggle and when Melissa stretched out her hand towards Piper, he yelled and ran forward to hug his mother. Both our kids kept yelling "Mommy" as Melissa looked helplessly at them both and faded. At the sight of my kids' faces with their expressions of devastation, my heart felt as if it were ripped out of the cavity in my chest and shredded. I knew I was largely responsible for the scene that played out in front of me.

"Ian , I can explain," Selena stuttered. I brushed her aside with the detachment that I'd shown Melissa a year ago. She shrunk back. The housekeeper, having seen the kids were safe, had proceeded to save the diary, which had been a little damaged by the flame that scarred its cover. When she was satisfied that the book was safe to handle, she handed it back to Piper who hugged it while muttering "Mommy's book" as Steve looked at her in askance. Both sister and brother eventually calmed down and were reassured enough to be persuaded to prepare themselves for the Halloween party. Neither seemed to question the curious sight of their late mother's sudden appearance. It was only months later that Piper explained that the housekeeper had told them their mommy had gone away to heaven but would be watching over them. So neither of them were too surprised that she had reappeared that evening to defend Piper.

After the kids were sent on their way to their Halloween candy rounds, having hidden their mother's diary in a secure place, I returned to my bedroom. Selena was sitting on our bed, looking anxiously at me when I entered.

"Ian," she began tentatively, "I can explain."

I held up my hand and simply said," Cut out everything else, just tell me why?"

She didn't pretend not to know what I was referring to.

"Yes, I'd gone into your office the day after Melissa's funeral and found Melissa's diary. I was curious, and-and worried because she'd hurt you so badly. I'd read the accident report and I knew why you felt so bad. So-so when I had read her diary, I was afraid that it would hurt you even more or make you feel worse. S-so..so I burnt part of her diary. When Melissa's stuff was packed into the basement, I tossed it there."

"What could have hurt me? Her words? Did she insult me? Or maybe she humiliated me by describing her 8 years of happiness with Johnny?"

I asked, hoping against hope that Selena would finally take the chance to confess since she had no idea that I'd read at least part of Melissa's diary. But she persisted in lying.

"Yes, most of that diary was her gloating about her affair with Johnny. She hardly mentioned you or the kids."

I stared at the woman I'd married, who I'd thought I'd had feelings for over the years, who I thought loved me truly as she lied without even blinking. If anyone had asked me six months ago which sister was more duplicitous, I would have had no trouble answering Melissa. Now, I wasn't so sure. I began taking stuff out of my drawers and moving them into a small bag I'd taken out of the closet. Selena watched me nervously.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't sleep next to someone who keeps lying to me, not when we agreed that we wouldn't do that to each other," I snarled as I began moving my stuff at a faster pace.

"But I didn't lie..."

"Save it, Selena, I read part of Melissa's diary and I know the truth," I blurted out as she paled and her hand moved to her mouth.

I spotted the small bag of ashes that the housekeeper had handed to me scarcely a month ago and took it out of the drawers that I'd stashed it in. Moving faster than I've ever seen her do so, Selena snatch the bag out of my hands and hurled it against the wall.

"Damn you Ian! How could you let that dead bitch and her pathetic words tear us apart!"

The bag of ashes hit the wall and then flopped to the ground, spilling ashes, some of which floated in the air. Then it happened. A tiny glow initially, then it seemed to burst into a glorious flame-like incandescence that spread across the walls of the room. It felt like minutes but it had to be mere seconds as pages and pages of Melissa's handwriting flashed across the walls like they were projected for my viewing. It was flashing too rapidly for me to read properly, but the emotion contained in them was palpable. It was as if I could feel Melissa's emotions as she wrote those words. Misery, confusion, bitterness, fear, anger and above all, love. My cheating slut of a wife was in love with me but realised it only too late when I was stubbornly blind and deaf to all her overtures and her truth. I wasn't aware that tears were streaming down my cheeks till my vision blurred and the sounds of broken gasping sobs reached me. It took a while but I recognised my own sounds of grief and realised my blurred vision was a result of the tears that poured out of my eyes unbidden.

Thank you Ian.. I can leave now..

Melissa appeared as the glow in the room dimmed slightly. Her eyes were filled with tears and what I now recognised as love.

'No!I really need you here, please, Melissa!' I screamed in my mind as I found my voice stuck in my throat. I barely heard the background noise of Selena yelling and cursing as she threw every object possible at the walls.

I only felt the light whisper of air that brushed my forehead as the glow faded and Melissa shimmered till all that was left were those iridescent teardrops that coursed down her cheeks when she kissed me.

I captured the iridescent drops in my hand, thinking that was the very last bit of Melissa I'd have left. Bringing them to my lips, I kissed them, feeling the mingling of her tears and mine. The hidden reservoir of bitterness I'd carried within me against Melissa all this time faded, leaving not just a hollow emptiness but also the ache of regret.

A year ago I was bitter and angry because I'd found out that my 8 year marriage was a sham and the woman I'd married didn't really love me. She had had a lover for all the years we were together and had trapped me into marriage. In my anger and without real knowledge of her true feelings, I engineered her death. At the moment she faced death, Melissa had chosen to push me out of the path of danger, an act of love; love that she had never been able to fully express or even if she had, I'd been too deafened and blinded by my wounded pride and jealous anger to understand or believe. And I'd allowed myself to indulge in the fantasy of thwarted true love that had marked my relationship with her sister Selena. Selena had encouraged the fantasy, reinforcing it with the promise that we would get together once I'd divorced her sister and that Melissa was the one keeping us apart. Selena also convinced me that she truly loved me where her sister had merely duped me and used me. I now know this all held fatal appeal for an angry ego which thirsted for love after the shock of discovery of betrayal.

I don't doubt that Selena had feelings for me or that I'd had feelings for her after all, I had taken her virginity or rather she had cleverly engineered me into the whole incident years ago. However, those feelings have always been complicated, on her side, by rivalry with her sister and on my side, by the guilt and the fact that whatever feelings I had for Selena certainly didn't do much to prevent me from banging her sister. And Selena had been happy to transform that guilt into fuel for the anger that burned in me a year ago. We'd focused our anger at having been deprived of what we thought was mutual true love on the easiest target, Melissa. Today, our illusions or delusions and excuses were all destroyed in a brilliant show of truth rising literally from the ashes. Whatever her initial motivations, Melissa had loved me, I'd have to read the diary to know more but the love that poured out of her words just minutes earlier was unmistakable.

My mind had always shied away from the truth that had flashed across the walls. Perhaps I'd known the moment Melissa protected me in that fatal crash. But my mind had shied away from being confronted by my act of killing true love. And I continued to blind myself with help from Selena of course, the very person who was now trying to explain her actions.

" I couldn't let her destroy us! Can't you see, I did it all for us. For you! I won't let that stupid bitch hurt you again!"

I extricated myself from Selena's tight embrace, cynical distrust of the scheming sister of my dead wife rising within me, choking in its irony.

"Selena," I uttered in a dead, weary manner. " Don't fool yourself. We both know why you burnt it. You may have thought it spare me pain but a part of it, a big part, was your fear that you'd lose to your sister, even in death."

I didn't have to hear her gasp or to see the flush that spread across her face to know I was right on the money in my words. Selena stood looking at me as I picked up my stuff and bags, moving into the guest bedroom.

****

The next few weeks proved harrowing for the couple. Although Selena was relieved by Melissa's absence, she did look nervously around her in the first week or so, the awful feeling that it was a Pyrrhic victory began to build in her. She tried every trick, from seduction to appealing to his feelings for her to even using her baby, to get Ian to return to her bedroom. All attempts proved abject failures. It worsened as the kids and the housekeeper gave her a wide berth. Something else also preyed on her mind, what Melissa had said about the baby. What did she mean when she said it wasn't her love child?

Selena's mind began to darken with all the wild speculation and myriad possibilities. A week after Halloween, she quietly asked her doctor for a prenatal DNA test on the child. The spiral that began on Halloween accelerated as Ian withdrew further, limiting his time in the house to activities with the children, often ignoring her or giving the shortest of replies to her questions and attempts at conversation. He spent increasing amounts of time in the garage on his Mustang. The last straw came when she spotted Ian emerging from the kids' room with what looked like Melissa's battered diary in his hands as he left the house for the office one morning.

"What are you doing with that damn thing?" She shrieked.

He was on his way down the stairs and had turned on hearing her shrill voice.

"What I should have done a long time ago," he said flatly. "Read it."

"No! Don't fall into her trap!"

She pleaded to no avail as Ian simply exited the front door with the journal still in hand. Selena crumbled into tears and then started drinking that very day. As the alcohol slid down her throat, she comforted herself with the thought that Ian wouldn't be able to read the worst part, since she had burnt it. That freak show that happened on Halloween had been too rapid for him to have read or understood everything. Somewhere in that morose mind was the thought that she was pregnant and wasn't supposed to be drinking alcohol. However, what egged her on was the possibility that Ian might be provoked into engaging. By the time she'd drunk enough for the housekeeper to be concerned and for her to have contacted Ian, she'd emptied an entire bottle of brandy and was asleep on the living room couch.