All Comments on 'Alana's Heaven'

Please get an editor, to start. Nothing breaks the flow of a good story faster than grammar, spelling, and punctuation problems.

Second, we need more character development. They just practically fall into the sack, little questions asked. If you want a pure stroke story, then the sex needed to be a lot hotter and nastier. If its more a love story, then the characters need to be played up more.

Please continue writing though. There's real potential here.

Another LAZY author who uses apostrophe's instead of quotation marks for dialog. Pure laziness.

good one.. grammar wasn't the best.. but this was a wonderful story. keep up the good work!

Its rather late for me to comment here, but i enjoyed the story. Although it did feel unusual (my actual name is cheryl, my niece is alana, and i have a best friend named david), it was a nice read aside from grammar mistakes.

How about a little character development. "We had a long talk and she wants you to be her first."

Really, dude, that is the extent of your ability to come up with a plausible explanation of why a girl wants to fuck her dad.

This is not a story but a useless cartoon. Its kind of like the porn video where the three hot girls want to fuck the pizza delivery guy for no other reason than bringing the pizza.