All Comments on 'Alan's Thoughts Ch. 01'

I like the soft touch in MC stories and you did that very nicely. Too much control gets boring quickly.

Keep writing.

Please continue, and please ... don't make them STUPID bimbos. Smart bimbos are much sexier, and you don't have to work two jobs to support them.

Very nice, subtle mind control story. Well written and smartly thought out. Hot too and that counts for a lot, lol.

Please keep up the good work.

...A good premise with solid story telling style, please continue. Panther fan.

Great flow to the story! I look forward to the next chapter!

Good. Like the subtle approach. You should watch out for homonyms and near homonyms like passed - past, wonder - wander, etc.

What I liked:

• Good story – engaged in character development, backgrounds, motives, not only sprinting to the next fuck fest

• Good sex scene

• Seconding the previous readers for smarter cast

Onto chapter two 

Good luck!

Laurel's name switched to "Lauren" a few times during the story. 5 stars anyways.

Solid story.

Very little boring character development.

Cons: condom. Its a fantasy, not a trojan commercial

Estou relendo pela segunda vez. Espero que continue logo.

Spelling errors spoil the mood - like farts during oral sex

So the story started getting good, a bit more involved and the the author gives up. This happens so much on this site. Writing a simple story is easier than a complicated storyline, so as the simple story starts to get repetitive the author starts adding twists to liven up the plot. Now the story is more complicated, difficult to write, harder to maintain the new more involved storylines and just more difficult to keep coming up with ideas.

The solution.... the author blows of the story, just goes silent and stops writing or even more obvious, the author starts a new story.

This story has been blown off. This story goes nowhere for 11 chapters, every chapter is the same and he just fucks a new chick. Here’s another chapter just like every other one. Then a plot twist is added in desperation and then it’s all too hard and the story abandoned.

Hey Jackspeed2u. Thank you for spending the time to read my story. I truly appreciate it. It's not everybody that will sit through that many words (AT is over 130,000 words now!). It shows emotional commitment, and I think that's a beautiful thing.

Unfortunately, life has many more factors than just what I'm writing, and how the writing is going. Those prevented me from writing almost anything for about 2 years. Things have settled down a little, at least for the moment, so I hope to do a little here and there. I do admit writing is not as easy-breezy when a story gets a little longer, that's for sure.

But for me personally, writing chapter by chapter for fun has been my goal in this site. That doesn't mean I don't plan ahead, but my style is less outline heavy and more "pantsing" it. As you noted, I've started several new stories to keep fresh back and forth. It's a technique I'm trying to steal from one of my favorite authors, Brandon Sanderson to keep me inspired. I'm sorry if you're expecting something like a finished, polished work, or something closer to the next American novel, but that was never my intent. A fun, ongoing, sex-driven story fulfilling different fetishes and peccadilloes the way I want it written, the way I haven't been able to find---that was my goal. It's about all I can manage to offer when working for free.

I'm hoping to have a new chapter of AT done in the next month or so, and if possible, I hope you read and enjoy it. Thanks again for being a great reader. Have a good one!

but a little too quick

Is it weird to sat that he took too much control in a mind control story? What's the point of getting a woman worked up and ramping up her desire if MC is just going to dictate every move she makes and every word she says? He just masterbated himself with her body.

If he's got a hot woman who "wants" to please him, ramp her up and let her go.

Just a personal opinion. Still looking forward to reading the remainder of the story.

Quite nice so far :)

Quite nice. You should write more in this genre

I expected more. I liked this but it didn’t drag me in totally like some others do.

Bill S.

No appliance needed, just the power of his thoughts, great! A great start to what promises to be a well thought out and written story. I look forward to reading the next chapter. As this is my first foray into your writing and the first story you posted here I have added you to my favorites list. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.

Fun stuff.