All Comments on 'Alice from Next Door'

A peer pressured zombie.

Sorry you didn't like it! Thanks for reading though :)

Liked it very much. It's a good first story. Keep going you'll get better

Look out! An anonymous whiner who probably doesn't write, complaining about people who don't write for a living expressing a story which they already warned the reader about! Ugh, those anonymice are the worst of the anonymice!

Your story was great, but the ending was slightly abrupt. Add an "out-ro" that has her making her friends jealous, then leave the crowd hanging by telling them that "Jerrid and Alice had many more dates as their relationship bloomed, but those, my friends, are other stories."

Also, make sure to re-read your story completely before submitting it. Look for missing or misspelled words, as well as unclear statements (like when he brought his cock to her "lips"... which "lips"?). I thought she might be "bringing him back to life" before going for the big finale.

As a whole, I really enjoyed the story and I hope that you will write a few more about Alice, as well as one or two about her friends' first times/best times. Maybe they can all get together and reminisce about the old friend group later in life. 5/5