Ali's Story

Friday dawned. Our 8 AM rendezvous at the train station went without a hitch and we headed to a local restaurant known for its breakfast cuisine.

I looked at Ali as she attacked her omelet and I seriously wondered if I could fulfill our dreams. Hell yes. No doubt in my fevered mind. Ali was going to be mine.

We headed over to our soon to be love nest. I gave Ali a tour and suggested we could go elsewhere, I had made other arrangements. Ali liked the setting and wanted to waste no time

Many things raced through my mind. Adequacy, competency, honesty rose to the surface. I was determined to be everything my Ali wanted and needed.

Do you expect me to describe our BDSM antics in detail? Various ties were tried. Dominant - Submissive protocols were exchanged. Ali loved it all. The spanking was intense and very pleasurable for us both. We drank wine, we cuddled on the couch. Our plans for being together in some future wonderland were examined and found acceptable. More than acceptable, required, longed for.

Our day progressed. I needed to fulfill one of Ali's darkest desires. I checked my ropes and clamps thinking how I could test my little darling next. Ali was leashed and in a state of Submissive reverie that I think is call Sub Space. But who knows what was going on? At least I was sure that Ali was happy and content with our play. Ali was determined to please. Ali wanted it all for her Dom. So pure, so elemental. I could not begin to be worthy. I plowed forward determined to be the man, the Dom Ali needed, wanted, had to have.

I had collared and leashed Ali earlier and she loved to be led around. I had Ali crawling around and assuming a position of submission. She loved it and I couldn't believe her satisfaction.

I believed I was in love with Ali, that I held her heart and would find a place in her history. History is the operant word for all I have is history and a poignant place that will never heal.

History speaks and I'm am still listening.

Ai had sent me a striking series of pictures of a women in what looked like a large dog cage. The women was tethered to the cage. In one of the shots her leg was extended and secured to the top of the cage. Ali commented that she would like to experience such stark and raw bondage. I explained that I didn't have a suitable cage right now but if tight bondage and a serious predicament was her desire, I had a great solution in mind.

I led Ali through the hallway into the bedroom. She was directed to kneel on a pillow by the bed. I had a short blanket that I warped around her even though she said she was quite warm and enjoyed being naked for me. Something snapped in me and I found myself on the rug next to Ali kissing her and assuring her she was mine to do with what I pleased because I loved her. Ali seemed surprised that the play had gone off the rails and that I had become romantic at a time she expected at least another spanking. Ali looked up at me and said that was why we were so good together, that she felt the same way. I needed to get things on track so I pointed out that she had broken one of our rules by looking up at me and she'd have to be corrected.

My supply bag yielded 4 nylon wrist and ankle straps with Velcro closures and nice D rings. I made Ali first present her wrists and then sit down with her legs presented to me. The straps were installed and I used the leash to guide Ali into a standing position. Naturally I cautioned her to keep her hands behind her back and her gaze downward. I asked her what her state of mind was, did she want to continue, had she had enough. Ali knew we'd moved into a new serious phase and I could tell she was excited when she commented "Sir your needs are so important to me but I was disobedient and need a spanking, a good hard spanking." It was very apparent to me that Ali was revved up again and her love of impact play was sometimes hard to satisfy. I didn't want to really hurt her but she so loved to be hand spanked, paddled, and sometimes caned. I planned to use the paddle for this session.

I moved Ali on to the bed face down. Using some rubbing oil I massaged Ali's rump and her thighs. I kneaded her soft ass and paid attention to squeezing her, pulling her two cheeks apart and then squeezing them together. Ali was murmuring her appreciation but she knew this is how most of our serious beatings stated. When I was finished I told her I would make sure she could neither resist nor complain. I heard Ali's soft voice somewhat muffled by the blankets, "Sir, my Sir this time I really want to feel your power, I want to remember what this felt like. Don't hold back and if you can, leave some marks."

Why is it that some enjoy doing the spanking and some enjoy receiving? We'd made a game of it. We had ritual spanking, punishment spanking, and pleasure spanking. Somehow this session seemed to be a bit of each for me. As I mentioned earlier I was having trouble separating my romantic feelings from my dominance lust for my dear partner Ali.

I produced a neat little ring device and clips that let me pull in Ali's arms and legs into a classic hog tie. I made Ali squirm and asked her if she could get loose or move. She said no in a way that sounded like she was thrilled to be in such tight control.

I found my ball gag and straddled Ali from behind. "My dear do you have anything to say before I stuff this gag in your mouth?"

"Oh Sir I am on fire for you I can't wait for you to make me accept the ball in my mouth again"

I slowly pulled the straps and pushed the ball into Ali's mouth. I took my time and did everything slowly and surely. "Open up my little slut"

I stepped back to admire my work. Ali was in a classic hog time with a nice red ball gag in her mouth. I left her like that and walked out of the room. I went into the living room and sat down to try to make sense of my feelings. Could we sustain this intimacy and passion? What would the years and time do to either diminish of strengthen the bonds we were forging in our nascent Dominant - Submissive marriage?

I left Ali for almost 10 minutes. Sounds cruel? Not really. She loved to be left in a helpless position. I'm not totally sure why and she tried to explain her feelings about this to me many times.

"I'm back my dear and I found your favorite paddle." As an aside I had found a really nice paddle used for some European beach game. It was at least 10 inches across. I bonded some textured leather to both sides. The first time I showed Ali she squealed with delight. I was stunned that she was so happy, that I had made something special to beat her with. Curiously exciting to say the least.

We had some special protocols, safe words and for this safe gestures. If Ali shook her head back and forth in a "No" we would have a hard stop. Shaking her head up and down in a "Yes" meant keep it up and maybe a little more.

Ali looked up as I entered the room so I showed her the paddle. She enthusiastically nodded her head up and down. She wanted this and I had to deliver.

I went to the back of the bed and started to rub the paddle on Ali's butt cheeks in slow gentle circles. Ali wiggled and seemed to trust her ass up to meet me. I took this as a signal to begin.

I stated slowly and without a lot of force to strike both sides of Ali's ass. She seemed to calm down a bit so I hit her harder. I could hear her grunts behind the ball gag so I knew I was on track to give her what she wanted. I moved down to the sweet spot on the back of her legs just below her ass and rained down a series of shots that turned her skin a nice red. I moved back up to her ass and just didn't relent as I hit her harder than before. I was somewhat amazed when I saw that she was signaling for me for harder attention. Ali was grunting and trusting herself up to meet the paddle she couldn't see. I continued to paddle my darling. That's right, my darling. When you love someone you give them what they want and in this case I was enjoyed myself immensely. I couldn't wait for our cuddle and debrief.

Ali's ass was a bright red and she was panting and drooling behind her nice red ball gag.

"I think this is enough my pet, you've learned your lesson and endured this bearing with grace and style."

I put my paddle down, unbuckled Ali's gag, and worked it out of her mouth. I had some trouble as she had clenched onto the ball and was reluctant to let it go.

"Please my dear let it go I might want to reward you with something more interesting to put in your mouth."

Ali loved to suck on my cock after I beat her so she knew what I had in mind.

What happened next? That's unimportant but this was how we rolled, how we related to one another, how we met one another's needs. Ali loved this and as I marveled at her red ass she rolled over and spread her arms for me.

"Terry I know this is breaking the rules but please, please take me in your arms and tell me you will love and treasure this thing we have"

How could I refuse?

Ali and I continued in our play. Nothing was out of bounds. Experimentation, innovation. We tried it all and more. We were never satisfied. Ali wanted more, demanded I fuck her in the ass. I complied. My penis entered her smoothly and she sighed with pleasure. "Don't just put in in there, fuck me hard my dear, don't hold back" were Ali's instructions. My fondest remembrance of my now departed lover. I didn't think so at first but finally we were exhausted, spent.

I turned the tables and warmed the left-overs from breakfast. Ali and I ate in contented silence. We rested, gathering our desires, expecting things would soon heat up again.

The heating never happened. Disaster struck. Ali got a call from her boss. A problem with her son at school had drawn her spouse into the picture. Ali's husband had cut his trip short and was heading home. Ali had to be there and we lost no time collecting her things and quickly rushed to the train station.

Everything happened in a blur. I wanted to be supportive and not weigh on Ali's problems.

Ali kissed me good bye at the train station. She kissed me goodbye and though I didn't know it at the time, left my life forever.

I don't want to dwell on the details but Ali had to choose between her children's well-being and our relationship. We exchanged terse emails. I told her I would withdraw, allow her the space, the peace to repair her life. It was done, a sorry completion to a torrid love affair. Our frenzied last trip to the train station left behind a trail of Ali's spore, clothes, underwear, earrings, and her beloved Hitachi vibrator. All of this and my BDSM supplies repose in my black knapsack tucked away on a shelf in my backyard shed. My knapsack is like some time capsule waiting for me to open and inspect but instead of wondering what the artifacts mean I'm sure the memories will create the avalanche of emotions and visions that I just can't face right now.

Our last emails to one another sum it up nicely. I don't know why two intelligent, sharp people would stoop to such cliché but I know for my part it was all about my inability to accept the loss.

Our last echoes have reverberated and I must honor our final good byes. I can't bear the loss but I must move on. Painful, devastating? Hell yes. Knowing all this would I do it all again? A sane person would of course counsel avoidance. I would not trade the experience, the memory, the friendship for anything. I plan a short BDSM sabbatical but I know that door will never be firmly closed for me.