All Comments on 'Alisha: A dark Romance Ch. 04'

His ego is more important than his daughter's safety. FAIL

Keep em rolling. Great storytelling. Thanks.

I think it is good until ch 4, chapter 5 is literally a trainwreck. I think the writer got so worked up in the reconciliation that he bulldozed his way to it.

So many issues, so many unresolved facts.

Trust but verify. But no the protagonist takes ali mac for her word and believes everything she says.

After all the emotional punches i wonder how he did not go into clinical depression.

Its a dark romance but all that there is sex, and physical attraction.

I do not know in what way he loves ali mac other than having sex.

Seeing that the last chapter has not been posted here i highly recommend tbe author to maybe edit the final chapter.

The ending line is rather like a teaser for part six.

And goddamn i think jamal is the only person ali hasnt slept with, how is it possible to brush up the fact that she has slept multiple times with everyone he hates.

Your story makes sex seem so fickle.

Please Andyhm rewrite the last chapter.

I didn't enjoy ch 3 & whilst this was better I still find the story kind of drifting along aimlessly - surely Ch 3 & 4 could/should have been combined & edited harder to achieve the same points. 3 ***

she wants the attention, people blowing sunshine up her ass, she lies, and she hid his child for 13 years. get divorced, visitation and go back to his quiet life. so called success, the bs that goes with it, isn't worth it. the constant need to be praised, that's why marriages fail , it surpasses the needs of loved ones. yet at the end, it doesn't take care of you when you are ill or old. it doesn't make you happy or feel better . its like a drop of water,there and gone and doesn't do much of anything for you.

Looks like some previous are reading a different story.

Good job as per

5*

This is just going south. I wasn't sympathetic to Alisha before this chapter but now she is becoming revolting and you are turning Ben into her pathetic victim.

Unfortunate for a story that started quite well.

I read this complete story on SOL. The ending really made a mess of a good story. I've read similar stories from different authors .youll see after tomorrow's posting . 5 chapters.

I can't read anymore. The characters are unbelievable and I don't like any of them. There are too many holes and contradictions to make this an enjoyable read for me.

Great writing but terrible storytelling. Characters swapping entire personalities between paragraphs, a plot that requires more suspension of disbelief than an episode of Star Trek and plothole after plothole, just make a bad story no matter how well it's written.

Andyhm, you really need to stop describing your female characters as smart, intelligent and brilliant when you have them acting and behaving in the most retarded and brain dead manner. Alisha is not a likable character to begin with but when you have her making life destroying actions with the same people who have caused every one of her problems over and over again, you really need to step back and have a serious look at what you write. It's gotten to a stage when every one of your tales have the exact same premise.

Dialog that helps develop both character and plot, unrushed scenes that acknowledge the complexities of human feeling and interaction...I can see why the LW crowd isn't more supportive.

Some of this is very covered ground (great...a model and an author AND a child he never knew), but your characters are rich enough to make it engaging to read.

And I don't mean Ali. For the first time, ever, I'm thinking the woman should grow a pair, and tell this whinny-assed, cry-baby BITCH-BOY to take a fucking hike. 99% of the trouble in this relationship could have been avoided, if Ben had just acted like a man. Now, it's 13 years later, a daughter he never knew, a wife fighting for him, and it's still all about him. Doubt it will happen, but Ali should put his ass on the high trail out of there,

You have them. I feel similar to unoriginalist (and wow - compliments from one of the best storytellers on here). Though I can't relate to the wealthy crowd in this story, you suck me in anyway with compelling, developed people. Heck, now I wanna know more about Sandy ..

I'll wait till the last chapter before voting. robt1157 apparently doesn't understand the lack of respect on the wife's part in this mess. I don't think they will make it as he doesn't seem to be comfortable with the lifestyle his wife seems to crave. The daughter has my sympathy.

Everyone in this story, except maybe the 13-year old Julia, acts like they're 13 years old. Ben is exactly a temperamental little bitch who can't let go that Ali pissed in his oatmeal. He totally eliminates her from his life because he is so scarred and traumatized by her blind and duplicitous ambition and fornication. Then takes her back after a few days of brief discussions and one night of fabulous sex. All in a day's work for Wonder Slut.

Ali wants what she threw away because she otherwise always get what she wants, even if she has to suck cock or throw some pussy on the table. The other hangers on and Ali-fucker wannabe's, including Jamal, kind of fill out the kindergarten class with their juvenile attitudes and demands and expectations. And if you think Ali hasn't already and regularly fucked Jamal's eyes out then you lose your place in line to fuck her next.

This reads like a middle school play about middle schoolers trying to pretend they are adults, with real genuine grownup problems. Like how to finesse past Ben the number of cocks she's really had. Or how to get him to again kiss her ass and give her whatever she wants, until she gets all those other meaningless just-sex affairs out of her system. The real mystery is why Ali even bothers trying to keep the little bitch boy. What has he got that Ali needs or wants and hasn't already had better after he left?

So keep the kids squabbling for another chapter and maybe at least Julia will come out with a better appreciation of how to actually conduct herself like a genuine adult and decent woman.

You were too cowardly to post under your real ID, Swingerjoe, but you are just obvious. What a fucktard. You make your same comments on every story and then don't think people will know? What a fucking idiot. You're the only grade-school retard around. "I'm back!" like you're some fucking Terminator or something instead of a pathetic fuck throwing shit at every writer better than you, which is almost all of them.

It would be more believable if the separation had been shorter. I wonder if Ricky has blue eyes. Her lengthy affairs would seem to be less acceptable than her one or two night stands that she claimed to have had on location. The “affairs” suggest intimacy, and that would be harder for me to take, than any efforts to relieve periodic sexual frustration. I’ll anxiously await your concluding chapter.

The story is well developed but sadly, like beauty the justifications used to advance the plot are only skin deep. He is flying blind and without a map. Ben doesn't know if he can trust her, We don't know WHY he would trust her. Apparently Ben has little in the way of critical thinking. A quick fuck and her leash is back on. FFS. He STILL doesn't know if Julia is his daughter!

As good as it it, and make no mistake I think this is well written, even on this, my second reading, it is in no way a reconciliation.

I can say that because he was the victim here, and yet all the risk and all the trust is on him to reconcile with her. Aside from taking some time off, something she'll hardly go broke over, Ben has been the one to accomodate her desires, putting his foot down only enough to maintain his self respect and not be run over roughshod by her crew of sycophants. Furthermore, she has done nothing to engender his trust and in fact lied to him even further. I say again that this is no reconciliation.

It is a capitulation.

Sad.

She's the international star and he's not. So she needs to be a little more sensitive and he needs to grow a pair or else they're doomed.

This is Kayla Ortiz and Peter Ryan in a different color wrapper. Unimaginative.

One star.

A bit of slow going, but still has my attention. Looking for closure.

She needs to put it all on the table for him because it will never work for him if things pop up , I know it wouldn’t for me. It’s a woman prerogative to sleep with who she wants but in my opinion and her hubby the amount of guys she fucked would be an issue for me . I would not want any inter action moving forward and would want to know who and how many. It’s only my opinion but if she fucked a lot of men that could be s deal breaker for me and she could lie but every time a guy pops up it shows her to be a liar. Today is different from when I was younger , girls view sex like men and aren’t ashamed to do it with who or when they want. It’s just not for me , they were asking a radio dj how many hook ups they had this year and a guy said 12 and the girl said 4 or 5 and that was no big deal. As s guy men are pigs but if I want a woman to be with me I want her to have had so many lovers. Woman today marry a little older so if a girl is 30 and was active sexually for 10 years and averaged 3 a year that would be 30 men, or even 1 for five years and 3 each of the next five that’s 16 which is way past what I personally would be ok to have a relationship with. I’m just to old fashioned and couldn’t deal with a girl who in my time was with so many men would be considered a pig. Doesn’t seem like he will put up with her life style much longer . She’s giving up modeling after this but still owns her companies. With their total wealth they could sell all and be very rich and enjoy each other and raise their child together. He walked away from her and his own talents and business so she might need to also. That’s what I’d put on the table if I were him , her career destroyed them and it will always be in the way.

How is seems doomed to join that morass of capitulation that is RAAC

Give me a Give me a Give me a Redneck Girl !! Or Linda Chicana

Folks, you naysayers must actually love this story as you seem to enjoy rolling around in all of the bloody drama of whining about a work of fiction. Paris and her family would be proud! It is only fiction, not a possible missile strike. Take a deep breath, count to 5 and release. -- BTW, Is there a Drama section in Lit?

I for one appreciate this series of stories. I hope that Andyhm will continue to write for years to come!

"We have to have security; I don't think you understand the risks." - She has to understand that if she wants to be back with Ben it has to be on his terms. Even before the break-up the relationship was very much on HER terms. If she doesn't like it she can leave! He was reasonably happy for 13 years without her, he can be again - though IF Julia is his he'll want visitation.

"I know, I wasn't an angel either, Ali." - No, do NOT go there! He is the innocent party, it isn't his fault!

"her hand never leaving mine" - Too bad she hadn't been like that before!

"I had understood Ali needed the time away." - Why? She's had 13 YEARS "away," and presumably wants to come back.

"Ben, I love you, but I need the security when I travel" - "Needing security" is one thing, but why did that preclude Ben riding with her? An SUV can usually five with a person in the middle of the backseat, some even have a third seat! And what about "Ali will not be going anywhere with you without my knowledge or approval?"

As for "doing what Jamal says," it should depend! If "what Jamal says" keeps Ben away from Ali, fuck him!

Jamie's "familiar" with the layout, and obviously jealous? Hmmm!

"She's pointing out to the organizer, that as she paid for the tickets, she can take whoever she likes." - I know nothing about the fashion world, but since when are tickets sold for these receptions?

They haven't seen each other in years. Don't know about their lives, homes, businesses, or even if they are still married.

The smirk not withstanding, Jamie had every reason to expect to attend as her escort. He had been asked to do it, he had done it before, and her office had confirmed it with his.

The reaction? Same as always, issue ultimatums and run away.

.

At this point, the end could go either way.

Christ what a whiny little baby he's becoming. Either man up or leave!

I like this story very much, lots of drama, lots of emotions! 5 stars.

I would however like to raise a few points, hopefully constructive:

A detail that detracts from the reading is all the words that get dropped, or sometimes repeated. You often have to go back and re-read a sentence, and although it's usually easy to understand what the author means, the reading gets a bit choppy.

Also, several times in this chapter, note that "arraign" is something for the courts, "arrange" is the correct word here. :)

And a beef with the main character: Like some before me have pointed out, he is a bit of a whiner. Accept that Ali obviously has a need for protection, and above all, JULIA needs protection now that she is out and about, traveling with Ali! What if some wacko got to her? He would not want that on his conscience... Let the pros do their jobs.

And yes, Jamal is being a jerk!

Whoa wait one minute.... She got drunk with Ralph who was really Ricky who tricked her into making Ben out to be a bigamist. But when she discovered she was duped by Ricky and kicked him to the curb due his manipulated lie about Ben she now leaned on Jamie?

She blackmailed the Grandparents to never tell Ben he had a daughter.

Ali knew Ben was in the south of France and SHE decided to seek revenge in never telling Ben about Julia - later it was due the false bigamy deception.

But even after discovery/kicking Ricky to the curb she did not seek Ben. It was only Julia who wanted her daddy - and where is the DNA verification? Ali was never going to seek Ben it would overly complicate her desired life-style. Ali is NOW only seeking Ben to keep Julia happy and under control.

All this crap leads me to believe that Ali was CHEATING way before that beach photo shoot when Ben walked. Ali is a consummate liar as she is addicted to that life style (being very good at it). But almost all models have a self life and 35 is getting near expiration no matter how good the genes except for Christy Brinkley.

Ali is become a self centered conniving CHEATING beeeoch.... And Ben is gullible romantic. Ben go back to his vineyard arrange for Julia's summers with Ben.

ben is a pussy. he should be man enough to say no. he said that hes not going to change his lifestyle but still let ali lie to him. fucking pussy

Good story and well written, but why “they both,” when “they” is all that’s necessary? More often than not when “both” is inserted into a sentence it is redundant.

I suppose there can’t be a bed of roses, so we are treated to misunderstandings and lies along the way. Only the author can decide if there enough straws to break the camel’s back, not the commenters who favor the BTB route, as usual.

And the cuck keeps losing his balls more and more. Very soon he'll be wearing a dress a become another model of Ali's agency. You are a girl and a cheater bc you write your stories from an entitled femiale point of view.

Too many twists kill a love story. Your MC now looks like a poor sucker.

I still dont get this shit at all.

He's in HIS house. He's been told by her security asshole that he can't ride with his own wife and daughter. 7 hours by car? What the actual fuck. They do have SUVs with 3 rows of seats in Europe. This dumbass Jamal had months to plan the trip. I'd have told him to go fuck himself and sent them all on their way.

And then after he goes and cools off he comes back to his house and some bitch bodyguard is sitting on his deck drinking his coffee and calls him an asshole?

Proper response is "hey you silly stupid cunt. You think I've been an asshole up til now?? How about this? Get the fuck out of my house and off my property. Now!! Pack your shit up now and go. And I mean absolutely fucking now. And if I see you on my property again? I'm going to assume you are here to to me harm since I've banned you from my property and I'm going to put some fucking birdshot in your ass. You are not welcome. How's that for being an asshole, bitch?"

And then the entire fucking thing comes crashing down. As it should.

Ali probably thinks he's being unreasonable. And leaves. And his life is better off.

I still do not understand WHY for the love of God he hasn't insisted on a DNA test for the daughter yet. He said a number of times that the girl does not resemble him at all? How did that issue just drop?

Ali's a fucking liar. Even back before it blew up...she was about to go up an elevator to a hotel room with 2 strangers who obviously wanted to fuck her. And she was going willingly. Even if she was a little drunk or not. Willingly.

And...this was after she was 5 or 6 hours later than she said she was going to be.

She's lying. She's been lying since the start of her modeling career. She wants a happy family now. But she got 13 years to fuck...who knows how many men...and to enjoy herself. I'd wouldn't stick my dick into her until she showed me the clean results from a full battery of STD tests.

This whole entire thing is a shit show. Why in the name of all that is holy would he go through any of this? Put himself through this.

He has money. His life is idyllic. He can write another book...and make more. He has an awesome home and lives on a working vineyard in the south of France. He has an amazing boat to cruise the Mediterranean in. He's an attractive guy. Guys like this can get hot women. And the European world is FULL of super hot women.

Fuck Ali and her lies. Fuck all of this bullshit fashion life, being famous and security.

If the kid proves to be his? Then she visits when she isn't in school. He visits his parents and spends time with them. When his daughter is home on weekends from school she stays at his parents house with him. And that's it. He lives his life. Ali lives her bullshit life with all of these fake ass people and Jamal.

Get a divorce. And stay the hell away from Ali. She's fucking TOXIC.

You would think he would learn. She's not his 'wife' anymore even though they're wtill leagally married. She is a public institution. Sort of like Princes Die and the Queen of England. Al got what she wanted fame and notoriety and with that she lost her family and her husband. She is nothing more than a figurhead for a big business that othe people have a piece of. The only way she'll get her husband back is to step away from it all. He's not going to change his lifestyle for her that's why he left in the first place. There can be no reconciliation. He has aquiesed agin but I think no more. After this affair he's heading home. I hope. No RAAC for him I think.

Ben has become an egotistical asshole. Ali has been bending over backwards to accommodate him. He needs to ease up some!

The euphemism "in the frame" is overused and somewhat stilted - drop it. Also "bittersweet."

I hate dumb characters. He so stupid, he just gives in, no resistance

"I didn't tell you because I never thought of him as a real lover. He was just someone I'd get together occasionally."

Oh, well then, that's alright, that clearly qualifies as "nobody since Rick". Please!!!!

Not sure why everyone is so bothered by her not bringing up Jamie. They had been apart for 13 years. In her own words:

"Ben, I was faithful to you for most those years, and I would have been faithful for all of them if those bastards hadn't lied to me."

After being deceived by Ricky and his team of henchmen, she finally gave up hope. She started a friend with benefits relationship with Jamie. Big deal. After Ricky, yes she said no lovers, but Jamie was a shoulder to cry on after Ricky's betrayal was exposed. Fucking Jamie for a few days is not a big deal. The MC slept with other women after he ran away. Sure she technically lied but with everything else going on and 14 years, it was a pretty minor one. More screwed up is how NO ONE including Ali, told him he had a daughter when she knew his parents had emergency contact info for a message. That is just nuts. And his running like a scared child when he perceives her infidelity, which was pretty stupid and hurtful on her part but was NOT major, is also just nuts. Both characters are some of the author's worst. In reality, it is hard to say who is more loathsome. The MC for running away and refusing to even find out shit about his wife (he never got served papers, and never even looked to see if she was divorced) or Ali for not just her dumb antics that drove him off the island (and apparently with her going to Rome) completely into hiding because he is a coward who takes the football home when he is tackled hard, but also her inane reasoning for NOT telling him he has a daughter. Gah! If there was a more believable reason for why she didn't let him know about Julia, I would hands down feel way more sorry for Ali than for the MC. And btw he keeps acting like a prick. I get some of the run ins with Jamal the protective asshole whomis got an unrequited bodyguard fetish thing going with Ali, especially on his property, and the ambush by thr smirking Jamie would make any husband upset. But he was away from 13 years. He ran away and lived like a hermit where Ali was concerned. He didn't talk to his folks. Cut out everyone except Peter. Wtf? Ali has her own career and life. Ironically his leaving her probably created that career. If she stayed with Tony, she soon would have been been getting fucked in a location hotel while drunk by some asshole. Her career would have been tainted and she woukd have had a divorce his abandonment (let's call it what it is) and having Julia, refocused her life. Ricky denied her the chance to reunite with the MC or at least coparent with the MC, years earlier, though she should have taken action via her in laws right away (what would have almost ALWAYS happened but then now story and long time gap). Anyways her moving to another agency and living for her daughter and refocusing on her career made her a star. She didn't live for on/off Ricky. And certainly doesn't give a shit about Jamie. Unfortunately I shudder for what the next shoe will be to drop in the next chapter. Something I am sure to knock Ali down even lower on the moral scale. Sad story because both characters are fuckups in different ways. As a man, I cannot imagine being such a cowardly wimp as the MC in running, no confrontation (I woukd have been on a plane to Rome), hiding, burning his parents. Wow. If you want sure file for a divorce. Have some big arguments. But to.just walk away? His parents were right for the wrong reasons. Until they too dropped the ball by not getting him a.message about the baby. Sigh. As an aside, there would.be multiple ways to get a message to Ali while on a shoot to find out where to go. He has numbers of her assistants. He would.know other people involved with the agency. He could threaten Tony with breach of contract. He could text Ali (was this like back in the early 90s?). There is this thing called "Email". Nope he just heard her phone call and lack of any apology (which was young and stupid on her part, but she was ticked he flew off, she didn't think he would ditch their (albeit troubled) marriage), and stormed off and went into hermit hiding. What an asshole. No spine. And an egotistical asshole to boot. Ali has been bending over backwards walking on eggshells to reconcile.

Great story with wonderfully flawed characters. Ben is a bit of a butthole, and Ali is… sneakily conceited / self-centered. Ready for Chapter 5.

Look. Ben would never be a "butthole" as the previous anon just stated.

Because he'd NEVER even be there.

Only the truly sick would EVER take this skank back into their life. And they'd never agree to go to "fashion week" with her.

A real person would have told her and her security people to go eat dicks...like a dozen of them at a time. As in "get your asses so far off the vineyard property that the Germans (neighbors of France for the geography lacking) can't even see you!"

And the first time she was caught in a lie?

"Hey you stupid cow. Take your show and get it on the road. The reason I left was because you were lying to me! You just lied to me again! Done. Over. Get out of my life forever!"

And it's not him being a "butthole". It's him living his life. A great life btw...an awesome life. That he's lived for more than a dozen years. He doesn't need all her bullshit. If wants back in? She needs to leave her bullshit behind. And accept his life. He didn't go looking for her. Right?

Nobody would ever put up with the petty crap from Jamal. "Jamal...suck my dick you fucking pathetic petty asshole. Riding in a different car than my wife for a 7 hour drive? Just because you wanna split us up? Seriously...let me take my cock out...you suck it...gobble my full load down...and then I'll ride in the other car. How about that?"

Seriously. What Jamal gonna do? Shoot him? Go fuck yourself Jamal. YOU. ARE. A SECURITY. GUARD. AND. NOBODY. GIVES. A. FUCK. ABOUT. YOU.

He's paid to take a bullet. He's expendable.

Talk to him like that? He loses it. And he quits. Problem solved.

Seriously. This story makes no sense. This stupid woman needs to be making all the concessions. Not the other way around. Sheesh. Either she does...or she leaves him alone. End of story.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Mixing cocktails on the rocks with a blender. Goodluck with that reconciliation.

Once burned twice shy?

5* Excellent story so far, but the 13 year separation and reunion is not believable in real life. Most likely divorce due to abandonment.

So there's an anon posting about 11 months ago.

She lies to him. It's obvious she is cheating on him. Publicly she allows some smarmy douchebag actor put his hands all over her...while her husband is STANDING there. She smacks his face in public for objecting to it all. She tells him she isn't coming back to their room...meaning she's staying in someone else's room. And she does. So her leaves. Goes home. Waits around for her for a week or two. She never shows up. Doesn't return phone calls except to tell him in a 20 second message that she's leaving for another shoot with the same damned people as before.

Hey motherfucker those are all pretty good signs his relationship is over. He's her husband. He doesn't have to compete for her honesty and fidelity anymore. Remember they are married. She supposedly loves him. Right?

He took his shit and he left. I would have also. Fuck that narcissistic bitch.

What else was he gonna do? Sit around and let her fuck other guys in front of him?

He's not a coward. He just simply said "fuck all of this disrespect. I'm not sticking around to be some kind of pathetic cuckold type to this self centered cunt."

And off he went.

Who would have stuck around? Who would have wanted to stick around in her world? You? Ahhh...I get it. You are a beta man. Would ahev been happy following along to her events. Standing in the background. Holding her designer purses while she fawned over better men. Been patient with her while she disappeared for an hour or two at parties in order to "close a deal" in the back bedroom of the mansion. I see what kind of man you are. A simp. The kind that just is happy to catch some crumbs from a selfish woman's table. Well...see that's the difference between someone like you and a real man. Get treated like shit?

A man says "fuck this. I'm out." And leaves. He didn't have kids. He WAS treated deplorably. "See ya." And off he went to make a better life. A really good life actually. And he was happy. Without the lying cheating cunt. And let's be clear. Her word doesn't mean Jack shit at this point. She's lied to him repeatedly. She WAS fucking other men.

A dumbass weak man sticks around because "she loves me". Trying to make it work when she does not respect you. Does not tell you the truth. And treats your like dog shit. You still stick around trying to make things work like a fool.

So there's the truth. She lies. Treats him really badly. Humiliates him. He leaves.

She continues to live her life like a horrible piece of shit...using people. Sleeping around. Forbidding his parents from telling him he has a daughter for 13 years. Makes no attempt to contact him. Proving to everyone what a lying, opportunistic bitch she is.

And you are here thinking he should have been 'stronger' and stuck around and put uo with her treating him like that? Masochist much?

Sorry. I'd have taken off on her too. Made a nice life somewhere else. And found happiness without the bitch and all of the complications that are a part of her life.

That doesn't make someone a coward. It makes them a someone with self respect and the strength to walk away from gaslighting and a toxic relationship.

So many stupid people here.

As soon as they’re linked again, his anonymity in the south of France is gone. If a PI could find him, the press surely will.

I just don’t see how he can forgive her unapologetic manipulation of him. She left him for sex and career, and she has only gotten worse with the success of her approach. Seems unrealistic in the extreme.