All Comments on 'All Day Tease Ch. 01'

I didn't enjoy this story. It lacked flow between the multiple parts. Gave it a "1".

Gave you a 5

The content is great! but the English is terrible! You need an editor.

it's a different approach to have each girl featured in her own section before the real story starts.

But you need to pay attention to the rhythm of the whole thing. Most of the sections are about the same length as each other, but the Orange Colored Sky section is way too long. It destroys the rhythm.

The overall length of the introductions of the girl might be too long, but I have no idea how long the entire story is going to be; it's too soon to tell. But if the overlong Orange Colored Sky section is anything to go by, I suspect that there will be more confusing rhythm which will be a problem. You might want to address that before the next chapter.

Otherwise, as I wrote at the beginning, having those sections is a different approach from what is normal here. There is nothing wrong and everything right about that.

Now, on to the rest of the story.....

You have done a good job with the characters, each having their own motivation for teasing. I hope you are going to continue with the story.

I keep coming back to this and reading a little more in the hope that its not just 4000 words of exposition. But from the end it turns out it is. As a narrative tool, exposition is especially helpful in erotica, but when that's all there is to it it's like bringing a hungry dinner guest and empty plate. I liked the setup, but a whole piece about people talking to themselves as they get dressed is torture.

Great introduction to the characters in the story. We’ll written - on to chapter 2