All Comments on 'Altena's Impregnation - Version 01'

This is trash.

First, you need to learn a little about male and female anatomy if you are going to write erotica. Secondly, you need to focus more on character development and pacing of the plot. What you've submitted is at best an outline for a story idea. It might or might not be a good idea - too soon to tell.

I'm not going to rate it at this point, because it would have to be rated one, or at absolute best, two stars. If you expand it and get a good editor, you might do okay.

This is a good rough draft. I will be interested to see the final product.

Incredibly un-erotic.

Just. Wow. Really need to learn about sex.

It clearly needs some polish here and there but overall it's not bad. I would change uterus to womb and give a slightly clearer distinction between that and standard vaginal sex.

but the ending seemed rushed.

First off, sucking a virgins breast doesn't give you milk, second there is no such thing as a "Healthy" deformed baby.

Get real. Get help with your stories as well as your proofing or don't write another story.

Seriously this lacked just about everything.