All Comments on 'Altered Ch. 02'

The Illuminati stunt feels too cheap an idea to keep on reading.

Good luck

Aha! I was already hooked on this story when I read the Illuminati business, and immediately thought of "Life As A New Hire", one of my favorites. Now I see that you follow the author of that work as well, not a bad idea to get ideas from another author, just please don't lose interest in the story after 20 or more installments!

I started reading a somewhat similar story based on the CIA doing this same type of thing, but the protagonist was not only the "secret" guinea pig of his father, but also a Jason Bourne type agent as well. Cannot remember the title or author of that one.

Well written, 5 stars, keep up the effort please.

Don't know why the below responder said you got your Illuminati idea from FinalStand, they're used in several works both on Lit and elsewhere. The Da vinci Code comes to mind. Anyway, good writing and nice pacing. I look forward to seeing more.

I have read the first two chapters and look forward to seeing where the story goes.

Genetically modified boy, drives girls wild with desire, super cock, shoots pints of cum, can fuck for hours, heals instantly, can re-grow missing body parts, can run cross country faster than 30mph carrying multiple firearms (a mile in two minutes.) Has already killed more bad guys than a Hollywood movie hero.

Only thing which made me say “Really?” In providing support for injured bystanders in the bar you mentioned digging around in a wound and removing a bullet. Come on, that’s absurd, too far-fetched. Don’t suggest that medical first responders might use tweezers to fish out bullets from wounds.

Looking forward to your next chapter

Thanks for your comments. Life as a New Hire was a great story and I wish FinalStand would finish it. The only thing I used from it is the Illuminati name (I couldn't come up with a better secret society name), later you will see it's not the Illuminati that you would think anyway. I have a few surprises up my sleeve. This story is supposed to be absurd so don't read it if you don't like over exaggerated stories most sci-fi stories are (you know beaming someone up is impossible right?). It is read in the first person (what Nate knows to be true) so that I can tell you one thing then like a soap opera reveal new truths. Anyway, I hope you get a kick out of it as its my first attempt at writing. I find it funny that the first commenter quit when I mentioned the Illuminati, and not all of my other crazy ideas, but to each his own.

I didn't see your story until the second chapter so I read them in order. I have to say I really enjoyed them. Yes they are over the top Sci-Fi but so what. What action movie is not. Sometimes is fun to just sit back and enjoy the ride (and escape all the negative reality we are exposed to daily).

I will admit I hated the cliffy at the end of chapter two. I didn't mind a cliffy but not life or death one. You could have done an escape/rescue version after he killed the Psychic and the two remaining body guards and rescues Tanya from them and they all get his grandpa and leave. I would have liked that better but life and death one make me want to read the next chapter NOW!!! and not wait a couple of weeks. I find that frustrating but that is just me. I wished to god I had never started reading Timothy Zahn's Star Wars trilogy until after he released his third book. They were addicting but you had to wait a year plus between books. It's a wonder I have any hair left.

I see one of two scenarios happening. Nate's psychic powers coming online and him taking those three down with it or someone sniping the psychic and then Nate taking the others down. But maybe you will surprise me.

Keep up the great work.

The Illuminati has been in the literature for Decades. Just as Amazons and his other cults. FS is a great writer and Maximus seems to be following suite. I love stories about super heroic people. This has been a blast. I hope this series continues to a conclusion. FS has very good reasons for not being able to write as he wants. He would like to finish if his health would allow him.

MTM please keep writing. This is good stuff.

The quote is referenced way wrong. First, it’s “facts”, not “fax”. And it comes from a 1970 circa show called “Dragnet”, which Willis was quoting. “Just the facts, ma’am”, is what the cop told the various lady witnesses when they began to wander during their statements. So you used this way wrong......

“"Just the fax ma'am." I said dryly.

"Did you just quote the worst Die Hard movie? Well maybe the last one was the worst..."

"Ha, ha, yeah I'm glad you got that." I smiled. "Fine, thank you everyone, I'll try my best to keep you safe." “

Every firearm used in this chapter uses a magazine, not a clip.

Only someone who knows nothing about guns except reading about them does NOT know that clips are NOT the same thing as magazines. If you don't know and you are going to spend the time to write story, how hard is it to google it and find out?

Anyone reading this story who has handled a gun knows that the author does NOT know anything about guns.

Also, Ninjutsu teaches use of swords. He would NOT need to go learn Kendo. Why would you substitute a sport for a combat art? Just so you know, Ninjutsu is a complete art. Teaches use of weapons, unarmed combat, and even things that normal martial arts does not teach.

Now I love a good power fantasy story as much as the next man but you can't have you protagonist start out as insanely powered from the get go. His character and powers need to develop as the story gets going or else the reader is left with a feeling of not knowing where the tale is headed, at least in my opinion.

Also between the ages of 8 to 14 (when he beat his father after he found him beating his mother), he had learnt, kickboxing, judo, Brazilian ju-jitsu, ninjutsu, parkour, meditation and be trained in the use of multiple weapons, including firearms? All while doing well in school, keeping close friends and visiting his grandfather in Mexico every year? At this point you're just adding on extra skills to an appendix whenever the need arises.

Just as an aside because I noticed it while skimming chapter 1 to fact check, you said that the MC's father was in Vietnam in the Navy but also stated before that he had started out working for an insurance agent and then as an accountant. Also, in 2017 his father would have had to have been at least 60 years old to have been in the Navy during the last year of the war in Vietnam. He would have been in his 40's when the MC was born, is that right?