Always Home Ch. 05

...dance with me. I want my arm about you. The charm about you will carry me through...

I sneaked a brief kiss from her when I thought nobody was watching. And nobody was. If two of the patrons were stupid enough to want to slow dance in a pub on a Sunday afternoon, what business was it of anybody else's?

And the answer was -- none at all.

She held me tighter, a paradoxical sign of her increasing ease with our situation. Her body pressed up against me. She lowered her head to my shoulder, and we swayed, and shuffled our feet. I started forgetting about where we were, about who might be watching. All I knew was that I was with Elsie. The one I loved.

...and I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we're out together, dancing cheek to cheek...

* * *

The nachos arrived to find me and Elsa still holding each other tight, moving in rhythm to the music, though Elsa's jazz selection had finished and now the jukebox was playing the Beatles. Another one of Elsa's pet bands.

"Food's here," I murmured into Elsie's shoulder, as Geoff diplomatically put the plate down on our table, caught my eye momentarily, and retreated behind the bar. She was singing along quietly, almost inaudibly, to the music.

"So I hope you see," she crooned, "that I... would love to love you... And that she... will cry, when she learns we are two. If I fell in love with you..."

I buried my face in her hair and held her tight. Wordlessly, she raised her head and brushed her lips against my cheek. "Let's eat now, Ger," she whispered, as the song came to an end.

"All right." I let go of her, my hands lingering on her waist, and we resumed our seats. She tugged at one of the corn chips and dipped it in the guacamole.

"We've been eating so healthily these past few days," she said, lightly, as I started into the nachos myself. "Charcoal for dinner on Friday, junk food all last night, and junk food again today..."

"Junk food's one of the five essential food groups, didn't you know?" I asked, muffled by a mouthful of corn chips and salsa.

"Let me guess," she said. "The other four are sugar, fat, starch and alcohol?"

"I knew all that book learning was good for something," I said, proudly.

"I'm learning, Ger," she said, with a sigh. "Slowly, but I am learning."

"Elsie?" I looked at her, sensing something more behind her words.

"About you, about... about me." She waved her hands vaguely. "I... I wanted to be better company for you, last night. I know... I know I'm not fun. And I felt... I felt guilty for holding back, for hiding how I felt when we were out together, or with Marnie..."

"But we both agreed that—" I started, but she raised her hand, cutting me off.

"I wanted to loosen up, Ger. To be more fun. That's why..." She lowered her eyes, looking ashamed. "That's why I had so much to drink. So I could let go. So I could... forget all the things I was worried about. I wanted to be more like a girlfriend to you, more than a big sister..."

"Elsa," I said, quietly. "Elsa, I never asked you to act like a girlfriend. I just want you to be you. Elsa Flinders. That's who you are. And that's... That's who I love."

"I so want to believe you," she whispered. "But... but that's one thing I'm not very good at. Believing in myself. Believing that you -- or anyone -- could ever love me..."

"Then I'll just keep on telling you," I said, fiercely. "I'll believe for both of us."

"Is that... fair?" she asked, tremulously, but with reluctant hope in her eyes.

"We're not playing give and take. We're not playing anything. We're in love. Aren't we?" Again, I reached out and took her hands, squeezing them tight. She returned my grip almost painfully.

"Yes," she said, her eyes shimmering in the afternoon sunlight. "Yes, we are."

* * *

"That was... lovely," she sighed, as we stepped out into the street again, squinting as our eyes strove to adjust to the radiance of the late afternoon. We'd paid our bill and left Geoff a generous tip.

"It was," I agreed, looking up and down the street. I felt like ice cream, but as luck would have it, there wasn't a shop in sight.

"Where now?" she asked, seeming in no particular hurry either.

"I feel like an ice cream," I said, still scanning the street.

"I'm sure we'll pass an ice cream parlour on the way. Wherever we're going." It was an open invitation. We could go see a movie. Take a walk along the beach. Find a club with some live jazz playing. Park somewhere and make out. Check into a motel...

Or we could just go home. Marnie would be worried by now.

"Elsie?"

"Yes?"

"Do you..." I paused, wondering why the idea suddenly sounded so stupid to me, just when I was about to verbalise it. But there was no going back. "Do you... wanna come back here with me, some time? During the week, maybe?"

She looked at me, confused. "Here? But—"

"I like having this 'us' time," I confessed. "And it's far enough away from anywhere else that it's 'safe', or safe enough... I suppose. I guess... I guess what I'm asking is... do you want to go on a date with me, Elsie?"

A tender smile spread over her face. "Yes," she said. "Yes, I'd like that a lot."

"Wednesday night?"

"Wednesday night."

Her eyes spoke more than could ever be put into words. I stood there for a moment, drinking her in. Then, slowly, I turned and started walking up the street. "Do you think we can find a place that has cookies n' cream and double choc mint chip?" I asked.

She hurried to catch up, slipping her arm through mine as we strolled back to the car. "We can only hope," she said.

* * *

Marnie was sitting at the dining room table with textbooks strewn all around her as Elsa and I walked in the front door. The stereo was blaring something loud and thrashy: one of Marn's seemingly innumerable CDs. I didn't know how she could claim to be studying with music that noisy and distracting in the background, but she said it helped her think.

"Found her," I said, wrapping one arm around Elsa's waist and hugging her to me.

"And it only took you the whole day, too, I see," Marnie said, striving to look nonchalant and failing quite spectacularly. Shoving her chair back, she got up and turned the volume down. "Hi guys. Hi... Hi, Elsie."

"Hi, Marn," Elsa said softly, breaking free of my arm and moving towards the table.

"I... I cleaned up a bit and... and got some stuff for dinner," Marnie said, looking almost embarrassed. "I didn't know when you'd be coming home. Oh, Elsie, I..."

Elsa didn't say anything, but wrapped her arms around Marnie and hugged her tight. "I know, Marn," she whispered. "It's okay."

"I... I didn't mean to— didn't want to..."

"I said it's all right. Ger told me what happened. And I... wasn't myself. Let's just forgive and forget, hey?"

Marnie clung to Elsa, looking more vulnerable than I'd ever seen her. Her face was all scrunched up, as if admitting her feelings -- even if only to the minimal extent she'd just done -- were agonising. And it probably was. Elsa and I had been through the same thing, just recently.

"Yes," Marnie said, thankfully. "Forgive and forget." She looked up, then, noticing me still standing by the door. "And the same goes for Ger, I suppose?"

"Yes," Elsa said. "We've already settled our differences."

Marnie tilted her head, narrowing her eyes at me. A look of determination flittered briefly across her face, to be replaced by uncertainty. And then, abruptly, determination again. "Are you guys hungry?" she asked.

"Not really," Elsa said, letting Marnie go. "We had a snack on the way home. But if you're—"

"Well, then... can I talk to you? About..." She surreptitiously jerked her head in my direction. Did she think she was being subtle?

"Um... sure," Elsa said. "If you want to."

"Sorry, Ger," Marnie said, grabbing Elsa's hand and leading her down the corridor. "Won't be long."

"Take your time," I said, automatically.

Marnie's bedroom door closed behind them. I stared in that direction, wondering what Marnie had to say. And fighting the sudden irresistible need to eavesdrop.

My feet started carrying me towards Marnie's door without any conscious direction on my part. I suppressed my breathing, listening intently for the sound of conversation. Marnie's voice was muffled, just barely audible through the door.

"—between the two of you?" I heard, as I crept closer.

"What do you mean?" Elsa asked.

"C'mon, I'm not stupid. Don't you think I've seen the way you look at him?"

"I... I don't know what you..."

"It's been like this ever since we moved in. From Wednesday night. Sleeping with him. Making him breakfast. Sitting with him, all snuggled up on the couch. The looks and the hugs and the 'oh, no, is Marnie watching?' moments."

"Marnie, I... It's not what you..."

Marnie sighed. "Look, I know you feel sorry for him. But this isn't the answer."

"But I... I want to do this for him..." Elsa said, wretchedly.

"No! You can't keep mothering him like this. He's a big boy. He'll get over himself if you let him -- if you stop coddling him. You can't be Mum, no matter how you try."

'Mothering' me? Thank God. Maybe Marnie wasn't as oblivious to emotional subtleties as I'd thought she was, but she still hadn't gotten it exactly right.

Elsa and I were still safe.

"But..." Elsa's voice was almost too quiet for me to hear. "But... I love him."

"I know. I know," Marnie said, patiently. "Me too. But trust me, you're not doing him any favours acting like this. Ger, bugger off."

What?

"I know you're there," Marnie said. "The floor creaks. Bugger off. This is between me and Elsie."

"But you're talking about me," I pointed out, after finding my voice. "Shouldn't I have the right to say something?"

The door swung open to reveal Marnie standing there, looking at me. Behind her, Elsa looked at something of a loss, her hands clasped nervously in front of her.

"Okay," Marnie said, amused. "What do you wanna say?"

"Just... this," I said, straightening up and walking into the bedroom. I took Elsa's hand and held it tight as she kept her gaze carefully averted, looking at the floor. "Yes, you're right. Things have changed between me and Elsa. That first night, we were both upset, so we... comforted each other. It's been... weird, I admit, relying on her so much. But it's also been good. And it goes both ways. She leans on me; I lean on her. We need each other for now."

"Fine, fine," Marnie said, impatiently. "Just don't let it take over your lives, that's all I'm saying. Honestly, it seems like you two've been joined at the hip lately. It's not healthy, Ger."

"I know," I said, reluctantly. "But it's necessary."

She regarded me almost pityingly. "Sorry, Ger. I wanted to ask Elsa about it alone, 'cause I figured she'd be the one who could back off about it. You're like me -- you always run pretty hot when it comes to stuff like this."

"I couldn't have," Elsa said, quietly. "Sorry, Marn, but I need him too. He's my security."

"Sheesh, you guys make it sound so melodramatic," Marnie said, and laughed. "I'm glad it's out in the open, though. Get some therapy, guys. But, in the meantime..." Her voice softened as she looked from me to Elsa, then down to our interlinked hands. "In the meantime, I won't argue. You guys... go ahead and need each other, okay? Just..." She paused, looking forlorn. "Just... don't forget about me."

"We know, Marn," I said, tugging at Elsa's hand and moving forward. Elsa and I put our arms around Marnie and we tangled ourselves up in a warm, lingering three-way Flinders hug. A group, a trio.

A family.

* * *

That night, nothing could have kept me out of Elsa's bed.

With the door safely locked (thank God for paranoid home owners), Elsa and I cuddled beneath the sheets. She was wearing panties and her cotton slip again, and I was wearing boxers. That wouldn't last. But, for the moment, we were content as we were.

She rested her head on my shoulder, her right hand idly stroking my chest. My left hand was on her thigh, caressing it gently, up and down. It was bliss: having her there next to me, her breath warm on my skin, the touch of her body against mine.

"I told Marn about Wednesday," she mumbled, shifting slightly. "Told her that we were going to go see a movie and maybe grab something to eat, so she shouldn't expect us there to cook for her."

"That must have brought joy to her heart." I chuckled.

"Yeah," Elsa said, looking up at me mock-indignantly. "She didn't seem at all upset that she'd be missing out on a home-cooked meal."

"She does seem to be peculiarly incisive for a Flinders girl," I teased.

"Leave it to Marn to break the mould," Elsa agreed, her hands wandering lower. I caught my breath, and she grinned. "I wonder what she made of your little 'we need each other' speech, though. Ger?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

She tugged at my boxers. "Take these things off, will you?"

As I'd said, I'd known it wouldn't last. I willingly pushed them down, shoving them off the side of the bed. She smiled slyly, her hands busy again, stroking and teasing me. I trembled involuntarily.

"This isn't exactly fair," I said, sliding forward to kiss her, then biting at her lower lip. "I'm naked now and you're practically still fully dressed."

"Who said we were playing fair?" She laughed, softly, then let loose a shuddering breath as my hands slid under her slip, tracing the silken curve of her hips.

"I want a level playing field," I insisted, taking the hem of her slip and lifting it up over her head. She smiled at me, her features pale and delicate in the gloom, her slender arms raised to the bed head. I moved up, pinning them there, and bent to nibble at her throat. Her breathing grew sharper and faster. Her body writhed underneath me.

"Do me," she said, lust burning in her eyes. "Do whatever you want to me."

I let her hands go, and they drifted down to either side of my face. She pulled me down to kiss her, hard. My hands barely grazed the sides of her breasts as they travelled down her body, my fingers hooking in the waistband of her panties, slowly dragging them down. I slid down as well, lightly kissing each of her nipples and leaving a further trail of kisses down her belly. I pulled her panties completely off, then moved back up, revelling in the sensation of her soft nakedness.

"I love you, Ger," she whispered. We kissed again, harder. Her hands wrapped around my back, urging me closer. Her eyes were closed, the expression on her face one of pure longing.

"Wait, Elsie." I leaned over to the nightstand and opened the top drawer. The pack of condoms was there; fishing one out and tearing the foil open, I rolled it on. She just lay there looking at me as I did it, an enigmatic smile on her face.

"Now," she begged, as I positioned myself to enter her. "Come inside me, Ger. Be mine."

I thrust; she gasped. Her body strained against mine, her hips pushing back at me. Her face was transfigured. She was so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.

We rocked against each other in the dark, our bodies moving in rhythm together. She moaned quietly whenever we connected, at those moments when I was deepest inside her.

"Oh, please..." she gasped. "Oh fuck, yes... oh please, God, yes... Fuck me, sweetie. Fuck me harder..."

I bent over her, my head on her shoulder, driving my cock in and out of her harder, and faster... My head started to swim.

"Oh fuck..." she moaned, deliriously, tossing her head back and forth. "Oh yes, Ger... Always, yes... Always... Never... I love you. Please don't stop..."

And then she cried out hoarsely, throwing her head back. Her body spasmed wildly underneath me, her arms clutching me tight, her legs frozen straight. She broke into tears as I continued pumping madly, until the moment hit me and I came hard, panting, thrusting forcefully into her pussy.

"Oh God," she whimpered, between choking sobs. "Oh God, Ger. I... I love you so much..."

Pulling out of her, I drew her close, my hand going under her head to stroke her hair. Still crying, she curled up against me, wrapping her arms and legs around me possessively.

"Never leave me..." she sobbed, arms trembling around my back. "It would kill me. Never leave me..."

My eyes filled with tears as I cradled her head to my chest. "I won't, Elsie," I promised. "I'll never leave you, not as long as you need me."

"Love you..." she said, brokenly, as her tears trickled down my skin. "So much... Always..."

It's not healthy... Get some therapy, guys...

And as Elsa cried herself to sleep on my shoulder, her naked body pressed tight against mine, I lay there wide awake, worrying. Not if what we were doing was wrong. No, I'd had that argument with myself more than enough times.

Worrying about what Marnie had said. It wasn't wrong, no. But did that necessarily make it 'right'? Was it healthy for me and Elsa to love each other this much -- perhaps to the exclusion of everything else?

I didn't know.