by tobiekain105
Really enjoyed your story, and I know it's picky but you've used the wrong words quite often which made reading tricky in places. Regardless I still enjoyed it and look foreward to the three-some...
Pete.
... the difference between then and than ... they're and their and there ... know and no ... your and you're ... that would make things really easier to read
Love the story. I hope you keep it going. It has huge potential.
But you absolutely MUST get someone to edit it for you. The mistakes in grammar are VERY distracting.
This is a fairly decent story for someone for whom English is not the primary language. Get a good editor. I can visualize some interesting happenings when the twin's friends come over. A young man NEEDS a harem!
Too long. Too predictable. Not worth finishing [or not worth wading through the preliminary "setting of the scene"] to get to the erotica
This is a terrific story that just needs some tweaking! Proofreading your own work is difficult at best. If you need a copy editor I would be happy to assist.
Take your pencil and stick it where you can't get at it until you learn 1) to SPELL; 2) to use the RIGHT WORD; and 3) PROOFREAD!
Thanks to everyone reading this story! Yes, I understand that it needs work. Then again I am writing for fun and not for money. But thank you, for pointing out my short falls. I would love to read some of your work.
Have a Good Day
A really yummy story! Very well done!
I not a writer and do not read other reviews, but I would recommend at least one editor for your story to review the wording.. It didn't make a difference to me, I still loved it!
On to chapter two :)
We need more.* Maybe her friend needs some training and then her some more training and loving ect - ect - ect..!^^ A big "5" for you also.* Great story.
I fucking love authors who get on their high horse and basically tell their critics off for any negative comments since the critic has not yet written anything! What bullshit!!!
As to the story, first, I would have put this in the Non-consensual category rather than Mature as that seemed to be the basic premise of the story. However , what really can't be overlooked are the numerous basic spelling and grammatical errors not to mention the random capitalizations. If English is not your primary language, it is understandable though there really isn't any excuse for not using the free editorial service on the site. I gave it a one star rating.
Enjoyed the tale, but the numerous spelling errors really got to me. Please keep writing, just ask for spelling help if needed.
4/5 (would have been 5 if not for the numerous errors)
From boy to man, just never use the back of your hand. I tore my wifes panty apart once, politly if that's possibly. It was like I fliped a switch on. She humped up and almost broke my nose, I guess instincts took over and made a wish with her legs and ripped some more silk while burrowing my face back in where we all cum from.
What a night to remember, now go and build some more memories with your slut Kate and her friend.
Don't forget who your friends are have Stan bring the booze to your threeway if you feel up to looking a man in the eyes while using the sluts girl friend from both ends. What about Kat she holds both sets of balls of course.
Just a thought if your man in up.
What about the pool party ?
Brilliant story line. Would agree that the use of an editor would be an enhancement but well done
Ruth was her name, 43 the CEO's Secretary, gorgeous and built. I was 21, just out of the Army very fit. She wouldn't sleep with anyone in the company as she knew her job would be on the line, She needed prodding, more ways than one, but being aggressive it turned her on and she enjoyed my demands.