All Comments on 'An Afternoon On The Basin'

This was a hybrid of the dark places Elmore Leonard & James Lee Burke take their readers. Sterling exposition and white collar wise guy talk kept plot moving. This story needed 'a hero on his journey' ala Joseph Campbell for average reader to maintain rooting interest. I felt weary by story's end.

By third flashback of Ritchie's financial slight of hand, I was ready for him to be gator bait. The twist of his fate being trial & likely long term confinement was good for humanitarians, bad for taxpayers. JimBob44 threw a lot of admirable nuances in this story. The actual structure of said story is rife with redundancies and decay.

To me the story is coin flip between three and four stars. I'm pressing four and hoping the author wikis up Joseph Campbell and why his work is of some interest to aspiring storytellers .

Okay. A very sharp portrait of swamp trash creatures created from incesteous breeding. Tiny brains, casual cruelty, all that. But why was this garbage put in Loving Wives?

Liked the story. Oh, sure there are some errors and some rough spots but so what? It was a good read. I have a feeling our little Ritchie got what he deserved. Good revenge here. More.

Loved the Chain and motor over the side. it was the right touch to get his Attention and the Mention of Prison Showers was Excellent.

In the end the asshole got what was coming to him. Great tale.

I love all your stories ! I enjoyed this one . Keep writing. I've missed you in loving wives, so I'm ecstatic to have you have back.

Pretty good revenge story, thanks for sharing.

I am so totally pushmepullme by this story. Love the writing, love the ethnic stereotyping, love the familial community. But! I think it a shame that the chain was not securely fastened to the asshole's ankles. Kinda scratching my head over giving Ritchie up to the authorities. Laws ain't Justice!

If I understand JimBob's storyline, whatever portion of Ritchie's loot that has been recovered is to be restored to the rightful owners? That could'a been done discreetly without providing the judicial system opportunity to pillage it as it passes through their disreputable claws.

Story was good a little to wordy and skated too long. The emotion was not charged to full capacity but the description was beyond overwhelming. I like the ending but it took too long to get there but it was worth the wait. This story could definitely find a path to a great movie. I think a movie could be quite enjoyable to showcase this story. Thanks for the overwhelming effort!

The thought the chain might not be on the slime-ball's ankle was an early consideration. But, I'm trying to figure out WHY it was not! They didn't need (nor did they get) a confession! Only thing I can come up with is that the LA crew will get reports from 'the guys in the showers' and stretch out their giggles!

4*. (A bit longer than it shoulda been!)

try not to leave bread crumbs. TK U MLJ LV NV

Slightly confusing...not alot of character development....should have just given the gators a meal.

Nicely done.Thanks. The 5th star.

And it ended too soon. Since the ankle bracelets were not connected it would have been nice to see the reception committee back at the office.

the wells will always run dry in a drought. TK U MLJ LV NV

I really enjoyed this story, thank you for writing!

Thank you I did enjoy this.

All triggered by a man we never really meet. Each step forward in time we are led to believe he is reaching the end of his rope (chain).

But, instead of a conclusion we drift into an amorphous series of questions.

Nothing standard or ordinary here.

but I would have dropped Ritchie's carpetbagging ass into the swamp. That would be real justice.

JimBob44 always comes through. Another great story, but they should have let Richie find the bottom.

Bubba and his friends use lube? Richie, this is your asshole before Bubba - )*( , this is your asshole after Bubba - )O( . Me, I'd have just attached his ass to the chain and been done with it. But, hey, your story, your way, I'm happy either way. Signed: BTW

Really different 4*;s

Thanks for the read

Very interesting and well written and told.

Enjoyed

Haven't read JimBob44 previously, but now I'm going to catch all his stories. Work takes me to Louisiana frequently, nd maybe reading these stories will help me learn the language.

I love this story, but I would love a rewrite where Ritchie feeds the gators and turtles.

MEH

I loved it! Took a turn from what I was expecting. Wished it had been a little more in depth with Nadia and how they caught him.

Liked it, a bit more about Nadia would have given the 5 stars.

Good job, thanks for sharing your work!

Should've had Richie come out on top, no way a seasoned hustler would get took like that. That's all he does is scope people, watching for angles. Hot piece of ass wouldn't get by him like that, he's not ego driven. Like when the chic tried kissing him in hotel he told her he wasn't here for that, he was just there to fuck, didn't care about her emotions.