All Comments on 'An Afternoon Threesome'

by mikebray41london

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kafkafover 7 years ago
I I I We We We

God! You can't write. Apart from your premise being utterly unbelievable can you imagine how boring it is to read sentence after sentence beginning "I..." or "We..."

"I replied back "

Is there another way to reply? "I replied" would be enough.

"She told us to meet and pick her up at the one local shopping mall and she gave us directions there. We pulled in and grabbed a slice of pizza at the pizza shop there and waited in the car until she let us know that she was there.

There, there, there. Bad writing.

"awhile" is two words "a while"

"reminded me of my ex-girlfriend Lisa who I had just broke up with a short time later."

You probably mean "earlier". I guess time isn't your strong point. Also, it should be "broken".

Then you seem to undress, but do that again a couple of paragraphs later.

I'll ignore all the misogynistic sex details. Seems you watch too many porn movies and know nothing about real sex. Virgin?

"I took turns alternating"

Alternating means taking turns. Why say it twice?

All in all, pathetic.

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