All Comments on 'An Angel's Fix Pt. 08'

Thank you, welcome back

What is this "end" you speak of? Seriously, you can't be close to the end yet. You've still got the summer, the rest of college, maybe adopting a kid or five, plus getting rid of her current record label and starting her (and Joe's) own record label, and, and, and...a bunch of other things you haven't thought of. Not to mention all the little side stories.

Oh and I hope all's good health wise.

Another new chapter! Welcome back and thank you for continuing to work on this series. It's one of the best stories I've read here. Keep up the good work!

That being said, however, this chapter was not quite up to the standard of the earlier chapters imho. It screamed "filler" to me as I was reading the first two pages. This chapter has no significant meaning to it. Do we really need to spend the bulk of the time reading about the difficulties she's having with her band? It seems the focus is totally on the wrong place. The story started out really grand, but now it seems to be bogged down by small, mundane everyday stuff. Also, the preaching about gay marriage thing was so bizarre, it just popped out of nowhere. There's, again, hardly ANY interactions between the main characters. Joe is just background noise at this point and not even "sexy" noise at that. His purpose in the past couple of chapters has been "carry Ashley up the stairs" or "carry Ashley's luggage into the room". I have no problem whatsoever with non-sex chapters. Some of the best stories on here have no sex in them, but they show at least some form of romance, the glue that holds a story together. The only romance part here, and borderline at that, is probably the last 5 to 6 sentences. Even then, I just don't feel any love anymore between any of the characters. It feels like they're together simply because they've been together for so long.

And no, I cannot write a better story. I am just really disappointed as a long time reader by the direction you're going with the last few chapters.

Wonderful to see you, again.

Looking forward to the next chapter

Please try to avoid shifting back and forth between past and present tense as you did during the Blue Angels scene. Present tense writing is appropriate for a script, but not for a narrative such as this, and shifting tense in the middle of a story is especially bad form, as it is highly distracting to some readers.

Thank you for your critique. The stories I've posted on here are VERY rough drafts, written over the period of months for each part. They have had only flitting glance-overs before posting. On this site, I write for fun and was surprised how many enjoyed the stories I've shared, rough as they are. That said, I am aware I had some tense issues in the two Angels series, but missed the error in the flight demonstration scenes. Thank you for pointing that out, as I will watch out closer for that tendency in future projects. However, I probably won't correct it any time in the near future, as the current state of 'Angels' is most likely it's endpoint. For me, the goal on this site is entertainment, not technical perfection; And any corrections I do will win very small gains to my wallet. Heh ($0.00 starting income TIMES _any amount increased by further editing_ EQUALS $0.00)