An Eighteen Year Estrangement

So, over the course of the week, Tammy gained a bit of strength and was ready to be discharged. We got her into my car with her broken leg, bandaged ribs and really fucked up face. Kiley rode back with me and Dave drove his own car back. It was mostly a quiet ride and with Kiley in the car I wasn't going to bring up anything about who she was riding with. The motherfucker certainly wasn't a nurse. Tammy couldn't talk much anyway so it was mostly Kiley and I chatting.

I looked over at her a couple of times and noticed the tears. The problem was I didn't know if the tears were because of the physical pain, her "sorrow" for what she had done or her fucking grief for the death of her long- time lover and baby daddy. At the same time, my heart hurt from the culmination of all this shit.

I started doing some math in my head, again for the umpteenth time. She had to have been fucking that asshole for at least 19 years. We had been married 18. I had run it around in my head a few times before. I remember the summer I had those mumps a year before we got married and how all of a sudden she was quite content not getting fucked, right out of the blue. I also knew that asshole was around that summer because Billy and I both ran into the smug bastard one evening at the DairyAll. If my hunch was right, she had been giving him her sweet quim for 19 years. Hell, why didn't the motherfucker just get his own wife. I needed answers to that question someday, from Tammy!

I knew I was getting mad so I just took a breath and finished the ride. We got the bitch settled in at home and I went for a ride. I needed to clear my head. I was time to take the next steps and with Cookson out of the way, I pretty much knew what I had to do.

The reason I put myself through all this hell was because that fucking baby daddy could have taken my kids away. Now, his putrid grey matter was plastered all over a concrete abutment on the side of a road on the other side of the state. I didn't need to worry about that any more.

I pulled my financial trigger. The house was worth almost four times what we paid for it almost 18 years ago. All the equity was in my name even though in a divorce she would get half. My solution was simple. I took out an 80% equity loan against the house and walked out of the bank with $520K. I didn't need her signature or knowledge of it at all. The title was in my name. I made two trips to Vegas over the next two months. I played some slots, gambled a bit, left some receipts here and there and then parked most of that money in an offshore account.

After 15 plus years of doing this, I had almost $1.5 Million squirreled away in offshore accounts that Tammy would have no way of knowing about. She would learn about the income and savings we held jointly and I'd have to split that but that was OK.

I started buying a lot of lottery tickets and putting up a front of somebody who liked to gamble. If I got called on it, I'd just tell them I found out my wife had been fucking cucking me for 18 years. Who in hell wouldn't have sympathy for me then?

Tammy was slowly healing. The broken bones healed quickly. The facial injuries were more extensive. She had a lateral cut that had opened up her mouth all the way to her ear and the scar tissue was awful since pieces of flesh had been ripped and were missing. Her nose had been flattened and straightened out but it was clear it has been busted before. Tammy was always pretty and she still was but she wouldn't be making the covers of any magazines unless it was Mechanics Illustrated. She would also walk with a slight limp because of the extent of her leg injuries.

After about a year, she was walking with that limp and her face had pretty much healed although with a unique Scarface appeal to it. She looked "tough" like she had been in a few biker chick brawls. We had never talked about her weekend. Now was the time.

"So, Tammy, how did you happen to be in a car speeding down I-40 doing 80 mph with a guy named Michael J. Cookson at 1am in the morning and live to tell about it?? Huh?"

She kind of looked at me a bit sheepishly and then went for subtle defiance.

"It wasn't at all what you might think, Ted."

"That's interesting. I would have thought on a Saturday night you would have been upstairs getting that little quim of yours screwed to the mattress. Wait, you were on a road trip with nurses to go to the races. Now I remember. Tell me the truth, Tammy."

I didn't think she would say it but she went for a bit of it.

"OK, I fucked up, alright, and look at me. Don't you think I'm paying for it? I spent the night with him-"

"Hold it, not the whole night. He spent the rest of the night smeared against a fucking concrete bridge or what was left of him."

She started crying at this point.

"Who was he to you? A pickup, somebody you work with, long time fuck?"

I think I startled her at that point into thinking I didn't remember who Cookson was.

"Ted, he was a one time thing. I swear. The girls and I were drinking too much and I got carried away. Next I knew we were heading down the highway and then, God , it was horrible."

She started crying again. I wanted to laugh.

"So you didn't fuck him?"

She shook her head no. Her fucking face was a mess with the tears and that garish scar creeping down to the corner of her lip. She looked like half a Joker without the face paint. I seriously wanted to laugh. She had been fucking the asshole for 2 decades and she says it was a one timer without a fuck.

"Tammy, I believe you as far as I can throw you which is about 5 feet. Is there anything else you want to tell me before we end this conversation?"

"I'm telling you the truth, Ted."

I just walked away shaking my head. I hadn't fucked her since the week before her accident and I pretty much knew then I wouldn't be touching her again. I started making plans. Then I really did gamble.

Dave was 18 years old now and had just graduated. Kiley was almost 16 and would start her Junior year in high school. I decided it was time to tell them and see what they would do. I had enough money stashed now and they were old enough that there wasn't much more influencing left for me to do with them. So I started to lay it all out.

"Guys, we need to talk."

I had just bought us all a cold pop, ginger ale.

"I need to tell you guys something about your mom and me and you guys too, I guess."

Kiley interrupted me.

"Dad, there isn't any need. This is about Mom and her shit brain dead boyfriend, isn't it?"

I looked at her a bit incredulously.

"We know, both Dave and I. I think we figured it out when I was around 13 or so. It also helped to find your secret stash above the garage. You need a better hiding spot. We both saw the old pictures and found the old VHS tape. We saw the blood test results and know what they mean. Plus, we went one step further than you, Dad. We got a DNA test done. It's easy to do now and we know. You are our real Dad regardless of who was popping Mom's rocks on the nights we were made.

You raised us, fed us, nurtured us and taught us everything we know about how to be good people and you are stuck with us whether you like it or not."

I didn't know what to say. I was looking at a 35 year old 16 year old. They both hugged me and I wept. After I pulled myself together (because men shouldn't get like that) I looked at them and told them I was ready to leave their mother but they were old enough to make decisions for themselves. Kiley came right out with it again.

"Dad, I'm not going to stay with my Mom. She might have given birth to me and maybe way down the road someday, I'll think different. But, for now, I'm going to walk away from her. I have been waiting knowing you were going to leave but also knowing you were staying just because of us. So, if I have a choice, I'll stay with you.

Dave chimed in at that point.

"Dad, we already checked with a lawyer. Kiley can make that choice once she's 16 and that's next month."

So it was a plan. My kids were already in the know. Tammy was in denial and I was ready to make the break. Then I started having second thoughts. The motherfucker was dead. My wife was a busted up mess of a woman and I had nobody to go to. I was only 41 and certainly young enough to make a good go at another woman. Hell, that was the plan all along. Raise em up, head on out.

Tammy got her old job back after a few long talks with HR and the Nursing supers. She even started back up with her benefits and salary increases in line with where she left off. Financially, she would be OK, well, except she didn't know about the big mortgage on the house. There was only about 20% equity left to speak of.

I laid the papers out in front of her one evening with the simple splits, 50/50 down the middle. I told her about my gambling problems and how I didn't have anything left and then I told her why.

"Tammy, I know all about Michael Cookson. You remember when I had those mumps years ago? And I couldn't fuck you the way you wanted, hell, the way I wanted too. I know that Michael Cookson was tapping your little quim way back then."

She tried to protest but I held up my hand.

"You remember how we tried and tried to fuck a baby into you back when we first got married? Somehow a fucking miracle occurred. Then the same thing with Kiley but I recall you didn't try so hard with me that time but still, you got knocked up.

But there is something you don't know."

I pulled out my test results that showed zero swimmers from the doctor's office those many years ago. The paper was a bit yellowed but she could read it. Her jaw dropped when she realized what it said. Then I pushed a photo in front of her. It was her going into the Ramada Inn, Room 221 two months after Kiley was born. She looked up at me.

"You've known all these years and said nothing?"

I nodded and continued.

"I needed to raise my babies, Tammy. They might not have my genes but they have my name and I've loved them more than anything since I first laid eyes on them. You want to know more? They know too. I didn't tell them. They figured it all on their own. Was Cookson their baby daddy?"

She nodded yes and stared at the floor.

"Tammy, look up at me. I bedded you as my wife once a week for most of the last 17 years since I've known. I didn't shirk my duty as your husband. Now, I wasn't always faithful but then, my marriage died when I found out 17 years ago. You have never been faithful. I guess my question is a simple one. Why?"

She stared at the floor for a long time before replying.

"Ted, I wish I knew why I didn't stop it a long time ago. Fear, I guess, afraid you would find out and leave. By the time I found courage it was too late. Michael Cookson, and yes, he was an asshole, started by blackmailing me. You are right that I had fucked him when we were young before getting married. It was a mistake and it only happened a couple of times.

Then a bit after we got married I was out with some of my work friends and we were drinking at some bar. Well, I ended up drinking too much and of all people, Michael showed up. I honestly don't remember all that much after than other than I know he was fucking me on a couple occasions that night. I think one of the nurses gave me cover and called you telling you she was taking me home with her as I was puke drunk. Well, Michael used me all night. He took pictures, everything. A week later, he met me at work and laid it out. I'd have to fuck him or you would know. Then the worse happened. I was pregnant and I knew right off the bat it had to be Michaels. I watched the calendar religiously and I ended up being a stupid drunk fuck right at the height of my fertility. I could have died.

I was in for a pound at that point. Michael had me every week until I got too big. After Dave came, he was after me again telling me he would tell you the baby was his. I was mortified so I relented. I ended up getting knocked up again a year later and when Kiley was born, I had my tubes tied so it couldn't happen again.

To keep Michael quiet I agreed to let him do it once a week. I thought he would grow tired of me and move on. I prayed he would but he never did. I put up with him and my shame for all these years. I think I realized several years ago that it would never end well but my denial kept me going.

I never once had an orgasm with the man. I was just a piece of meat to him and after 15 minutes, he was up and gone , every time.

So now you know why, Ted. Push me those papers and I'll sign whatever you want me to and I'll get out of your way."

She sat there looking at her hands and I pushed the papers in front of her. She didn't even read them. She just signed them.

"Ted, if you want. I'll take them to the lawyer's office and sign them again in front of them if they need me to."

At that she got up and went into the other room and sat down in her easy chair and cried. She was a completely broken woman. If what she said was true, she submitted to blackmail all these years just to keep me from finding out what I already knew. I looked at the papers on the table and picked them up and put them in my case along with the evidence of her infidelity. I had told her I wasn't always faithful over these years but I didn't tell her about Michelle. That was just a sweet memory that was a could have been in another life. The life I had lived was as a cuckolded man raising another man's two children and loving every moment with them.

I just didn't know what to believe from her anymore.

When I looked back on it, it was worth it. I had kept my promise to myself to raise them as mine and have two children that loved me when they became adults. I would be able to watch them get married and have grandchildren to play with. It is what I wanted with my wife when I married her.

So, we drifted like that for the next year and a half or so. I had the papers still in my case. Tammy was making the payments on a house she couldn't afford. I had taken a small apartment nearby and Kiley had moved in with me until I told her that she really needed to stay with her mom or it could be that she might not have a mom left. Tammy was slowly falling to pieces and I think she needed the support.

After Kiley moved back home, things started to even out a bit. The two of them seemed to bond somewhat and Kiley began doing things with her mom. I encouraged her and at one point I even sat down and explained what Tammy had told me about Michael Cookson. I considered it therapy for the both of them.

Dave had gone off to school in Knoxville and I was living the boring middle aged single life. I hadn't chased any women although I certainly had the opportunity. When the office heard that I was living on my own, I was surprised how many single, divorced, women were working in my building. I got invited to everything. The women who had never been married were few but the divorcees were like sharks in the water looking for fresh blood.

I was sitting in a park one morning just watching the kids play and enjoying the fresh air. A little girl and her mom caught my eye and there was just something familiar about the mom that I could not for the life of me put my finger on. I watched them play and run with each other and there was a wonderful joy between them. It reminded me of when my kids were young. At some point, the mom stood up and pulled her cap off her head and a long cascading flow of blond curls fell loose down her back and when she turned toward my direction, I realized who she was. It was Michelle.

I sat back and watched them play. I didn't know she was still living in the area. In fact I was certain she had married and moved away. They were tossing a ball around and at some point it rolled over toward where I was seated. I reached down and picked it up, tossing it toward the young girl running my way. When she was closer I recognized her as her mother's daughter. She was the spitting image. The little girl ran back down toward her mom and they resumed. Michelle didn't notice me that I could tell and I rose up and left the park.

I was having coffee one morning down on the corner from my place and she slid in across from me.

"Ted, you are looking good these days."

"Michelle, I could say the same."

We appraised each other for a bit.

"You didn't come over and say hi the other day."

"Neither did you? I didn't want to rile a husband if he were lurking. It wouldn't be fair to him."

She laughed lightly at that.

"He's been gone for a couple, three years now."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I caught him fucking our next door neighbor and nearly castrated him right there."

"Well, you know I can appreciate the sentiments."

We sipped our coffees and chatted about everything for quite a while. Her little girl was six and her name was Cassie. She had been born in Atlanta and when the marriage went south, Michelle brought the two of them back to the area and was living in Memphis until recently.

"So did you ever divorce her?" she asked.

"I have the signed papers at home but I haven't had them processed."

I think she pondered that for a good while before a small smile crossed her lips

"You've got a soft heart, Ted. I've always loved that about you. Are you going to give her a chance to redeem herself?"

I needed to answer that question. We were not a couple yet I hadn't really pulled the trigger and didn't know why. I remembered loving her those years ago. I remembered Michelle tell me how much Tammy talked about me at work. Then, just as quick I would recall that motherfucker sticking his dick in my wife's quim year after year.

"I think I'm just trying to find the time." I lied.

She just chuckled. When she finished her coffee, she pulled out a business card from her bag and handed it to me.

"Ted, please call me sometime and let's have lunch. I'm back at the hospital here and, well, sometimes I just like to have a friend to talk to and I'm a good listener."

We hugged each other and I watched her leave and cross the street to her car.

Later that evening, I was looking over the divorce papers and I came to a conclusion that I was going to give Tammy a chance to redeem herself. She looked tough as an old bird but she did her best. She was actually quite attractive in her own jailbird kind of way.

I headed over to the house and sat in the driveway for the longest time. I opened my case and pulled out all the papers, including copies of the infidelity evidence. My eyes fell to her eyes at the Ramada Inn. I shook my head and backed out of the drive as she stood there watching me. I got a wheel and actually laughed all the way down the street.

The next morning, I dropped the papers off at the lawyer's office, told him to file and I went out and bought the biggest cheeseburger I could find and washed it down with two Sam Adams. Staring at the old photograph and the close-up of the couple, I peered into the eyes of lovers and not those of a victim and her perpetrator. The other thing I never noticed before or paid any attention until the photo was blown up was the oversize high school varsity jacket she was wearing. I never had one but that cocksucker Michael Cookson did.

+++++++++++++++

I sat on that bench watching my two kids board the plane for an adventure with several of their friends. Cassie ran up to me just as they were going through the gate. Her mom was right behind her. I gave both of them a big hug and we waved at the departing entourage.

The day I ate that cheeseburger was the day I knew I was going to marry Michelle and we set the date during dinner last night with my two kids, Cassie, Michelle and I. Dave will be my best man. Kiley will be a bridesmaid and Cassie will be the flower girl.

Tammy didn't take it too well for a while but she learned to adjust. I think she also understands I could care less. As for my stash, she knows nothing about it and I just paid off my kids college educations up front and tomorrow I'm paying cash for a new home for the three of us to grow old and happy in. It's been an eighteen year engagement.