An Endless Dream

Because Kenneth was standing in front of me, I couldn't see the face of my dream lover. A man who seemed to be real, the fact I was hearing his voice making my mind reel, my body burning. I shifted out of Kenneth's grip and zipped my pants up, trying to right myself as best I could because I didn't know what else to do.

"Wait a minute here, man, Sean wants to go home with me, you lost him, deal with it." Kenneth said, puffing himself up a bit to look threatening. I didn't know what to do, I was in too much shock to think, or talk, or do much of anything. And then I realized that Kenneth probably thought this was my ex boyfriend I had told him I'd broken up with.

"Wait, wait. Kenneth, I'm sorry, I have to talk with him." I said, taking a deep breath when his head snapped towards me, anger, confusion and lust shinning in his eyes. "I have to, look, you'll probably see me around." I said to him, but I knew I wouldn't. He knew it too, because he carefully stepped back from me, drawing in a shaking breath and nodded his head tightly before turning and walking away, well, almost stomping really.

That's when I finally took a deep breath and turned my head to the man who'd been invading my dreams. It couldn't be him, I told myself. But when I looked at him, I saw those shoulder length curls, and the most beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen. He smiles to me, his sensual lips pulling into a smile that melted me to the very core of my soul. He was so handsome, ruggedly so, yet there was an air of chiseled perfection to the way he moved, the line of his jaw. He just stared at me, not speaking, because I think if he spoke he knew I'd come undone.

"You're not real." I stammered out, swallowing hard.

"You know I am." He replied, and his voice made me melt, that sweet sound, so rich and intense. I felt myself beginning to fall before I realized my legs had given out on me, and just as I was certain I'd hit the ground, he was there catching me. His body was warm, and as large as I remembered it, and I felt my heart beat speed up. "I am real." He whispered to me, his face coming to gaze into mine as he lifted me in his arms as if I weighed nothing.

Now, I'm not a big guy, but he shouldn't have been able to lift me like I weighed no more then a child. My eyes widened and he smiled again, that twitch of his lips that showed his amusement. "I am strong." He commented, and I nodded dumbly.

I didn't speak as he carried me, honestly, I didn't care where he took me, I didn't care what he did with me, all I could do was watch him, watch his face, the way the wind picked up his hair and tousled it playfully. He was more beautiful then I could have guessed, and I stared at him, memorizing his features, memorizing his face so I would never forget them again when he disappeared this time like he had every time.

"I'm dreaming." I whispered, and he shook his head. "I have to be."

"You are not." He said simply, pushing the door of an old Victorian home open and stepping into a room sparsely appointed. "We are home." He whispered to me, and his head tilted down as if to kiss me. My lips parted, and I let out a whimpered sigh, my eyes fluttering closed. But after a moment, I realized he wasn't going to kiss me, and hurt lashed through my chest. I opened my eyes and he was carrying me to the back of the house.

"Let me go." I whispered, and he ignored me. "Let me go, damnit, now!" I said, shoving at his chest, and he paused mid-step, glancing down at me with confusion in his eyes. "You heard me, let me go, now."

"I thought that this is what you wanted, Sean." He said, his smooth voice sounding confused. "You wanted it for real, you wanted me to take you for real?" he blinked his lovely eyes at me and I wanted to cry.

"This isn't real, if this was real you'd have come to me long before this." I spat out, shoving away from his chest until he let me down, frowning deeply.

"You confuse me." He said softly, "I thought you wanted me to come to you here." He reached out to touch me and I slapped his hand away.

"How the hell are you in my dreams? In my head?" I asked, ignoring his words.

"I..." He began, then looked confused again before frowning. "It is what I do." He said, seeming much less sure in this world then he ever had in my dreams.

"Oh, you just invade men's sleep in the middle of the night, showing them great sex?" I snapped, suddenly angry. This man had been in my head, seen my innermost desires, my heart. He'd taken my love, and he'd been here all along, able to come to me while I spent agonizing months alone, missing him. I was pissed, so very angry.

"Yes, that is what I do." He nodded, and I felt my heart shatter even more. I wasn't even special to him. I spun on my heals and made for the door, furious, ready to go find Kenneth and fuck his brains out, to forget all of this. But before I could make it to the door he was standing in front of me, moving faster then I could focus on. I drew in a sharp breath, my eyes going wide.

"Wait Sean." He said, sounding commanding. I hissed at him angrily, trying to push past him, but he just wrapped his arms around me and drew me into his chest while I struggled to get free. "I'm not normal." He said softly, "I'm not... not normal." He repeated himself, as if wanting to say something else but unable or willing to let it escape his mouth. "I have to do that to survive, invade dreams."

"What the hell are you?" I growled out, trying to stem my tears and heart ache with anger. It was working, but only marginally. This was the man I'd been in love with for the last five months, he just wasn't scaring me no matter how odd he was. I couldn't be afraid of him if my life depended on it.

"You would not believe me were I to tell you." He whispered softly, "I only wanted to give you what you wanted." He said, his voice sounding strained to my ears. He wasn't telling me the whole truth, I could feel it in my bones, and I didn't know how I knew, but I did.

"And?" I asked simply, stopping my struggling, my head against his broad chest, listening to the franticThump, Thump, Thump of his heart beat against my ear.

"And I did not wish for that man to have you." He said slowly, "You belong to me." He said, his arms tightening around me a little bit as my breath hitched in my throat.

"How could I belong to you if you have never touched me before tonight? What gives you the right to feel jealous of another man?" I growled, feeling furious. "And what do you mean that you have to invade dreams to survive?" I tacked on the end, not certain I wanted to hear the answer to the first question.

"I... I am not normal." He said again, groaning, and I reached up and pinched his nipple hard between thumb and forefinger through his shirt, causing him to hiss out in pain.

"Tell me the truth." I demanded to know, and he let out a soft sigh, releasing me so that he could hold me at arms length, gazing into my face searchingly. I looked back, drinking in the beautiful sight of him.

"I am not human." He said slowly, biting his lower lip. I blinked, but said nothing, waiting for him to continue. "It sounds... trite, but it is truth." He sighed. "I am what your world has termed incubus, though I am not evil, I simply am." Still, I said nothing, so he continued on, looking uncertain. "I feed off of sexual energy, and I perpetuate it. That is how come you are always so aroused when awake, always feeling the need to relieve the pressure." He said slowly, and I grimaced, feeling manipulated.

"So why do you have to do it through dreams?" I asked, not even trying to wrap my mind around what he was telling me. It just was, I knew I'd deal with it when I could contemplate it.

"I can do it any way that I choose." He began, "But dreams are simple, they do not require seduction in the same manner, they do not require the same effort. It is not as satisfying, though it is ... more accessible." Now I felt even worse, and it must have shown on my face. "You are unhappy." He whispered, his hand coming to my cheek, and I turned my head away, breaking eye contact.

"So I'm food to you." I said simply, "Let me go please, I need to go home." I wanted to run away, my heart was shattered, I was in love with him, and he wanted to eat me. And not in the good way!

He didn't let me go, and I didn't fight him, I didn't care what he did to me right then, I just wanted to go home, I just wanted to cry and I didn't want to do it in front of him. "You are my food, yes." He said slowly, looking distressed. "Why do you wish to leave?"

"Because I don't want to be your food, I don't want to be something that you eat and then forget about till you're hungry again." I said, sounding a little dull even to my own ears.

"I do not forget about you, Sean." He said, and I shrugged slightly.

"Have you ever come to me when you weren't feeding?" I asked then, glancing up to see his reaction.

"No." he said quietly, and I pulled free of his arms.

"I'm going home, stop coming into my dreams, I don't want to be you're food, I'm not you're privately hand fed milk cow." I snapped, pushing past him and going to the door. He stood there, staring at my back as I yanked open the door. I didn't know where I was, as I'd been memorizing his face he'd been walking fast and I was completely lost.

"Sean, you are not my ... milk cow." He called out after me, I ignored him and started down the steps, leaving the door open, wrapping my arms around my suddenly cold body.

"Sean," he called again, "I can not come to your dreams if you tell me not too. Do not leave." He called after me. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back the sob that welled in my throat, and kept walking down the street, ignoring him. "Sean, do not leave." He said again, and I refused to look back, but some how I knew he was on the porch, watching my departing back. My heart ached, I was so in love with him, and I never even knew his name. It hit me, I was just food to him, he never told me his name, he hid his face from me in all our dreamed of encounters, and never once did he take me facing him, nor did he ever kiss me. All this time, I'd thought my dream man was a construct of my mind, and I just had kept him anonymous so when I found the right man I'd be able to put the face to the dream. I didn't know, I was so confused, so hurt.

It took me a long time to find myself back to a main road, it was well after one in the evening by this point, and salty trails marred my cheeks from the wind drying my tears to my flesh. I licked my dry lips, and gazed around numbly, then walked to a gas station on the corner, using the pay phone to call myself a cab. I never spoke but to give the cabi the address of the club, and when he dropped me off I fished my keys from my pocket and walked towards my car. I wondered briefly if Kenneth was still in the club, but it was only a momentary thought as I unlocked my car and got in, starting on my way home.

When I got there, I walked up to my apartment, pushing the door open and began to get out of my clothes. I closed my eyes and walked blindly to the bathroom, sobs breathing through finally in the confines of my own home. My home, my sanctuary, no one would see me sobbing there; no one would hear my heart breaking there. I went to the bathroom, and got in the shower, turning the water on so hot I could feel it burn my flesh, but I didn't care. I needed that slight pain to help me think, to help me get past the pain in my heart.

That's where it came out, I cried, I pounded against the wall with balled up fists, I felt my body tremble, and when I was completely spent, when I could cry no longer, the water began to cool and my skin cooled with it. I let the spray cool my face, I waited for it to turn icy, drenching my body with the soothing effects, and finally I got out, walking drenched to the living room, my hand rubbing over my face. I knew I looked like hell, my eyes all bloodshot and red, but I didn't care.

Walking to the window, I tripped over something, and putting my hand out to steady myself I looked down to see what it was, but I realized I'd never turned on the light. I leaned down to see what it was, touching blindly in the dark, only to find a shoe on the floor. I touched it, squeezed it, and feeling rather dense after a moment I realized there was a foot in the shoe which I was absently fondling. My hand traveled from the shoe up to the ankle, the leg, and when I realized it was indeed a person I stumbled back words with a muffled curse.

"Who's there?" I said, peering into the dark.

"You will not let me come to you in dreams, so I must come to you in person." His voice echoed softly in the darkness of the room, making my chest contract.

"How'd you get in here?"

"You left the door open, Sean." He replied, and I realized he was probably right. "I did not speak correctly when I was with you." He continued before I could tell him to get the fuck out. "You are not just food." It seemed to take him effort to get those words out. "Or I would not have come after you tonight, Sean. You are more important to me then food."

"Yeah," I said, "That's why you never let me remember your face, why you never kissed me, why you never fucked me facing you." I growled, wanting to reach out and hit him. I didn't, but I wanted to.

"I will do those things now, Sean." He said, and I heard him standing, saw his outline as he stepped towards me. His hands cupped my face, tilting me up, and he hesitated. "I did not want to feel for you, Sean. I did not want you to love me. Sometimes we can not control what happens in our lives, but it does not mean it should not happen. At first, I came to you for food, you were as you said, my hand fed private milk cow. But I continued to return to you, and I do not know why. You grew on me, I craved you, others did not sate me the way that you did, and soon I was coming to you every night, feeding my fill on you, drinking from you. I did not think you would feel my need and mistake it for love." He said, and I jerked my face out of his hands.

"Get out." I ground my teeth, and he sighed.

"I will not go." He began again, "I have misspoken once again." He said, "I thought that you had mistaken it for love." He said, "but when you were intent on fucking that boy tonight, I was out of my mind." He paused for a moment. "Jealousy, you called it. I have never been jealous before." He took my hand in his and raised it to his chest, pressing it over his heart. "And when I felt your pain this evening, I knew I had done wrong. I do not know how to make it better, but you can not throw me out of your dreams, nor your life, Sean." He left my hand at his chest and moved to cup my face again, stepping closer to me. "I realized, that I loved you as well. You belong to me," my heart was hammering, stuck in my throat with what he'd do next. "And I belong to you." He whispered, bringing his warm mouth down upon mine.

A strangled sound clawed its way up my chest and out of my mouth, and I kissed him frantically, my hand clenching in his shirt and pulling his body flush with mine. His arms circled my body and he held me, devouring my lips, drinking me from the mouth down as I struggled to get closer to him. He lifted me in his arms, walking towards the bedroom, never once breaking the kiss, while I wrapped my legs around his still clothed body. I was hard already, his admission of love enough to mend my broken heart, at least marginally.

He broke the kiss and panted softly, resting his forehead against mine as he stopped at the bed. "I will not feed if you do not wish it, I will be just a man with his love, if that is what you want, Sean." I nodded my head, and he groaned softly, laying me out on the bed, then working out of his clothes at the maddeningly slow pace he'd always done everything in my dreams.

"I need you, now, I need you to fuck me, I need you inside of me, don't take me slowly, don't take me carefully, make love to me like you'd drown without me." I told him, staring up at his outline in the dark, then I turned and switched on my bedside lamp, looking up at him. "I don't want you faceless." I whispered as explanation, he simply nodded his head. He understood.

"I am drowning without you, Sean." He whispered, kicking off his shoes and pants. I looked at him, he was so beautiful, as if cut from stone. He was all hard planes and angles, muscular and strong, unlike any man I'd ever been with. There wasn't a soft spot on his body, it was as if he'd worked out every day of his life, but I knew instinctively that he had not. My eyes traveled down to the length of his cock, hard as marble and just as straight, thick and imposing. I'd never taken anything that size before, but I didn't care, I wasn't afraid of it, I wasn't afraid of a little pain so long as he was inside of me.

"Am I too large for you?" he asked, and I looked back up into his eyes, he seemed concerned. "I have not had real sex in a very long time, I simply stuck to dreams, where people were uninhibited." He explained, and I shook my head.

"No, you're just right." I said, reaching my hands out to him, calling him to bed. The bed dipped as he got on his knees, moving his body over mine, blanketing me in his warmth, his abdomen and his cock rubbing against my own. It was exactly how it was in the dreams, though I knew that it wasn't the same. He wasn't feeding on me, yet that electric sensation was still there in his touch, he still played my body like a harp. His head tilted down to brush kisses over my chest and I moaned, his lips captured one of my nipples and my fingernails scrapped against his shoulders. His teeth bit into my flesh, and I arched against him, letting out a sharp cry at the bit of pain with the mingled pleasure. It couldn't have been more perfect.

It was the first time we were making love, yet it was really hundreds of time we'd been together, and I was reminded of this fact as his hands roamed over my body, finding all my most erotic zones and playing them to his advantage. He peppered my chest in sharp needy bites, and I squirmed and moaned beneath him. I loved being bitten, there was something so erotic in being marked by the man you love, and he catered that need in me. My hands slide down his back, scratching red welts into his flesh and he bucked against me, I knew he enjoyed it when I scratched him, I knew he loved to be touched as much as I did. My hands played over his ass, and for the first time, even in our dreams, I let my fingers slip between his cheeks, playing at the tight opening of his body. He gasped, pressing back against the touch.

Never before had I known he liked it, and he pulled back to look in my face, smiling slowly, then kissed me again, a long intense slow thing that was nothing if not completely frantic, needy, wholly loving and completely possessive. I couldn't wait any more, I knew logically that the foreplay had been brief, almost non existent, but I couldn't wait as he kissed me, I knew I needed him inside of me or I'd shatter. My hand flailed towards the bedside table, opening the drawer blindly to get out a bottle of lubricant. When he pulled back to see what I offered him he looked confused, tilting his head to me as he took it.

"Use that, it will help ease you into me." I whispered, and he opened the cap, rolling the lubricant around on his fingers for a moment before grinning suddenly, nodding his head in understanding. He coated his cock, then his fingers, then moved them to press against my ass, I rocked up, opening to him as I watched his face, and then two large fingers entered my body and my back arched, my eyes closed and I panted for breath. It burned at first, taking so much so soon, but I loved it. He moved his fingers within me, finger fucking my ass as I writhed on the bed beneath him, fists balling into my coverlet. Each thrust he curled his fingers, bumping my prostate, and I began to groan, then groans to turn into high pitched uncontrollable cries. I was close, and I shook my head. "If you keep going I'm going to cum." I panted out, and he grinned down at me, continuing anyhow.