All Comments on 'An Exception to My Rules Ch. 01'

Ok, it's a story, a fantasy, but in real life with real people this would likely lead to a very bitter divorce. It doesn't matter how subtle she thinks she's being, Tom knows that she has used her hall pass, so he'll know where she learned anything new she tries. He'll come to resent her for it, no matter what she says. I think a very interesting CH3 (I'm assuming CH2 is about Thursday's grad course work) would be about Tom's reaction, Sheila trying to talk with him about it and failing. That could be followed by a Tom and Ray chat. That would be something believable, if done right.

PileDriver, I read this story after seeing a very favourable comment on Ch.02 in the Public Feedback Portal. The beginning of that chapter looked interesting so I read Ch.01 before going on with the second chapter. Your biog note asks for feedback, so here goes.

The basic idea of the story is of course improbable, but that's fine because it is a fantasy like most stories on this site. But there are some inconsistencies in the story as it progresses, in particular about the sexual experience of the three main characters.

For example:

The husband is capable of sexually satisfying his partner in adultery but is sexually incompetent with his wife.

She has apparently had three (?) other sexual partners but is not able to tell her husband what works for her and seems to not know in her sexual escapade with the first-person character.

The multiple sexual partners experienced by the first-person character seems at best improbable.

But the thing that grated mostly in the story was the dialogue, which I thought was stilted. I have seen several suggestions to authors in comments on other stories, that it is advisable to re-read dialogue aloud after the story has been written and imagine whether people would really talk to each other like that and use words like those in the midst of a sexual encounter.

But those who have scored it have averaged it above 4, so others presumably didn't share my misgivings about the story.

I'll read Ch.02 sometime soon.

Lue

"guilty conscious" should be "guilty conscience" unless of course you are describing waking up after both of you taking date-rape drugs