All Comments on 'An Incest Birthday Ch. 27'

Kevin, PLEAAASE just write Ashley out. I realize she might have "changed" within the canon, but if you want to convince the readers, then she should have had something from the beginning that was redeemable, and she never did. It's like trying to write Azula as a reformed character, there's NOTHING TO BUILD ON.

Great chapter. 5 stars. This is just a suggestion.

About Ashley, since she's starting to open up to the twins, have that change of heart and slowly but surely dropping the "man hater" thing, maybe the twins can have some fun time with Ashley?

On the contrary anonymous person, theres plenty to build on. I have personal experience in this department, when something as drastic as what happened to Randy and Ashley happens, if that person is the least bit human, it makes them want to change. Reforming a once evil person is much more rewarding than a person who was good, then went bad, then went good again, they realize what kind of person they were and reform, and usually its genuine, like I said, I have first hand experience in this area. I believe in second chances, and it may just be a story, but I want this story to reflect positively in some way. With that being said, I cannot write Ashley out, if that makes you stop reading I'm sorry, but that's the way this story will go. I would hate to lose a reader, I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. There are eight chapters left, I hope you stick around for the ending.

I understand your point-of-view kevin, but the thing is when you tell a story regarding a character with the intention of having them seek redemption, they have to already have something that the audience could gravitate towards beforehand. If you start a character without any likeable or relatable qualities, instantly making them turn around seems less genious and more inconsistent. Ashley didn't seem troubled, she seemed borderline sadistic. Maybe if there was more background as to why she got that way, or if she was at least originally written with something beyond the personality of those little boys from episode 8 of Elfen Lied. Ashley intentionally set up randy to cheat by disguising herself as Stephanie then blackmailed him when she found out about him and Rita. That's not the behavior of a human being, thats the behavior of a sociopath

Sociopath seems to be going a bit far. You've seen Terminator right? Even though its a movie its a good comparison. Complete flip from bad to good from first to second movie, result, one of, if not the best sci-fi movies ever made. Though its not a positive thing, evil behavior like that isn't uncommon, that's just how some people are at some point. I didn't instantly turn her around, I gave her a life-changing reason to want to change, that is more than enough to believe in her change. At one point she wasn't always bad, in an earlier chapter it mentions that she was friends with Rita at one point, its not elaborated on but its there. This entire story started on an "unlikely out of nowhere" and "cliché story" beginning with Rita and Randy playing, completely fine as brother and sister one second then kissing like long time lovers the next, as unrealistic and inconsistent that is and look how far the story has come. Give it a chance, it might work out better than you think.

For the record, I'm glad the story has this much of an impact on you.

Thank you for elaborating Kevin. I said sociopath because Ashley has humiliated and blackmailed the main characters for her own amusement, demonstrating a complete lack of empathy and a schadenfreudic tendency . Personally, I just don't see possibilities for redemption when a character doesn't give me anything to want to see her move forward. I guess you just see more potential in people than I do.

I've been a reader for a long time, it's gonna take more than Ashley to keep me from seeing this story to the end. Strive on :)

Wow this was a good chapter , even tho first time there was less sex lmao but next time please add at least two chapter !! Because just one is not enough :(!!! Makes me wanna read the whole story again until u add a new one but it is getting more interesting . I am wondering how would you do the part of twins dad finding out ! That would be the moment i say this story deserve 5 star but ill wait :)!!!

So far best story keep up the good work !!!

Kevin, it's been a long time since any book/story/novel has so completely captured my attention and kept me wanting more. Your last comment says 8 more chapters. I can't wait to find out what route you take with the story and these characters. You do a great job of drawing in the reader, keeping them reading, and also on the edge of their seat. I can't say enough good things about your writing and this series. I only wish there wasn't so much time in between chapters. Waiting for the next one to come out is almost torture. I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work, it is most definitely appreciated.

Chris

Kevin you have written a great story. As a romantic please have Randy stand up for himself and Rita and say no more to his mother and aunt. That plot point is driving me insane. Randy and Rita love each other so much and the mother and aunt basically for him to screw them, he always initially resists. It would also rock if Rita did the same thing. And no screwing Stephanie or Chris either. Just Rita and Randy happily ever after. Cant wait to read the final 8 chapters

Now all Ashley has to do is prove she didn't trajn herself to slow her breathing and heart rate on command so she could fool the machine

I enjoyed reading your story until chapter 19. I did feel from the beginning that introducing Ashley was a mistake. I agree with 'Anonymous' below that you failed to portray Ashley in a way so her change of character would be believable and acceptable by the audience.

You say you're writing from personal experience, that you have seen such a change in character happen. Well, there is no arguing with that. But that doesn't help your audience, who do not share your personal experience, to accept Ashley after what they have seen her do.

The shoot-out in the ice-cream shop (a definite low point of your tale) did not convince me to change my mind about Ashley. If anything, it confirmed my loathing for her. I think that basing a fundamental character change on a shoot-out scene and some 'regret' later is nothing but cliché.

If you push your audience that far into hating a character, there is no way you can turn that around without breaking suspense of disbelief. Most people aren't so forgiving. Most people just stop caring at some point.

I think the turn your storyline took when Ashley took over just ruined the whole series. The original storyline that revolved about the sister, mother, aunt and later Stephanie and Marie held so much promise. You left so many avenues in that setup unexplored.

Instead you came up with an annoying 'antagonist'. I'm not entirely sure why you felt this story needed one. It was a fun and easy incest story before that. But this turned the series into a drama of the quality you expect to see in a telenovela on TV.

The constant annoyance of Ashley, the shoot-out action, the melodramatic, emotional turmoil you delivered in the final chapters were so distracting and pointless, it was simply impossible to enjoy the sex in the final chapters.

For the future, my advice would be to keep your drama and melancholy in check. There's nothing better than a little drama and emotion in erotica, but you clearly went overboard with it here.

Koriander

can't wait till the next chapter I've enjoyed the story and can't wait for more

Ill admit I was skeptical of ashley having a different motive but glad they could all be friends.