All Comments on 'An Innocent Beginning'

Pick a tense and stay with it.

No real setup, not much characterization, just let's-start-fucking.

Pretty bad.

You misspelled 'lose' in the title description. Anyone who doesn't know the difference between lose and loose isn't capable of writing anything interesting.

Nice story, but you seem to be trying too hard. Some of your phrasing sounds unnatural ("The need for seduction obviously negated...") and you use large and uncommon words when normal ones would do just fine.

Still, you spin a nice yarn and have good pacing and flow. Keep working on it!

Loose and lose is a no no. Terrible grammar.

Decide which tense you wish to write in and stick to it.

Before you try to write again you must read, not just stories on here as 90% of the contributors can't write either, but books to learn construction and how to build a decent story.