An Obsession Realized

After work on Thursday Gerald, Cecilia and Julie met me in the parking lot of our office.

"Shotgun!" Said Cecilia, carrying her bags to the trunk of my van.

You fucking bitch, I thought to myself.

"No fair." Joked Julie, taking it better than I had.

We got everyone's luggage in and headed for Seattle. Cecilia sat up front with me while Gerald and Julie sat in the seat behind us.

Cecilia was gorgeous. She was of Mexican descent, with beautiful bronze skin, long dark hair and an incredibly petite body. She was a fun girl too, and as her manager I had enjoyed talking with her quite a bit. Objectively she was prettier than Julie, but I didn't find her anywhere near as attractive. In fact there were several girls I worked with who were, objectively, prettier than Julie.

Julie had lovely fair skin, but she frequently suffered from minor acne. She had a nice body and was thin, but no one would describe her as fit. She had several tattoos across her back, arms and on her foot which, while tastefully done, served to distract from her beauty rather than enhance it. While I had noticed these things, they had in no way diminished Julie's beauty to me. If anything, her imperfections had enhanced it. I liked her acne, her body and her tattoos. I liked them because they belonged to her, and whatever it was about her that drew me in was all-encompassing. I actually hoped that others would not be attracted to her the same way I was; that they would be turned off by her shyness or these minor imperfections. I hoped that I was the only one who saw how truly beautiful she was, but I very much doubted that was the case.

The six hour drive went well, or as well as 6 hours in a van with your coworkers can go. We spent most of the time joking and listening to music. During one conversation Julie mentioned that she was an artist, and several of her paintings had won awards when she was in high school. This astonished me. I'd been talking to Julie for months, obsessing over her and trying to learn as much as I could about her. Yet in all that time I had never learned that she was a skilled artist, or how big of a role in her life that played.

How much did I really know about her? Had I tricked myself into thinking we had a connection and had become friends over the last few months, when really the only thing binding us was my obsession and watching the same TV shows?

We got to our hotel around midnight. The company had put us up in pretty nice rooms, but only two of them were able to be next to each other. I distributed the key cards and made sure I had the room right next to Julie's. I didn't think anything would happen between us, and I wasn't actively trying to make it happen. As with most of the decisions I'd made so far, I made this choice because I wanted to be as close to her as possible.

It had been a long drive, and the conference started at 8am the next day. We all went to our rooms to get some sleep while we could.

"Goodnight Joel." Julie said, smiling to me as she entered the room next to mine.

"Goodnight Julie." I said, returning her smile.

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I awoke around 2 AM to the sounds of muffled arguing coming from the next room. There was a door that connected our two rooms, and while I couldn't hear what was being said on the other side of it, I could clearly understand the sentiment. Julie's was the only voice I could hear, so I assumed she was on her phone.

I laid there in the dark, listening to Julie fight with who had to be her boyfriend. After a minute the yelling stopped and quickly turned to quiet sobs. I turned on my phone and went to text Julie.

I'd had her number for several months, which I'd gotten from HR when I'd had to call her in to work a few times on her days off. There had been many times after hours I saw a funny picture or a video I knew she'd love, but I'd held off on texting her anything personal and instead would show her at work the next day. Debbie had asked for my number before we started dating, when I was still with Alexis, my ex, and the texts we'd exchanged had helped push me to break up with Alexis shortly after. That hadn't been a mistake, but I was married now. I was undoubtedly obsessed with Julie and had manipulated events to get as close to her as possible. I wasn't trying to cheat on my wife though. Texting her after hours would have been inappropriate.

Listening to her crying changed my mind. The anger and hurt in her voice had initially given me some perverse satisfaction, as it reinforced my belief that I'd be a better match for her than her douchey boyfriend. The crying upset me though. I didn't want her to be hurting.

I typed out the message 'Are you okay?' and hit send. I waited to see if I'd hear a beep on the other side of the door, but it was apparently more sound-proof than that. The crying got considerably quieter.

My phone beeped. 'omg, im so sorry. Did I wake you?'

'No, I was awake.' I lied. 'Are you alright? Do you want to talk?' My heart was beating quickly as I pressed the send button.

The pause before the next message was several minutes, and most the time my phone displayed 'Julie is Typing' at the bottom of the window. I expected a long message, but when it finally came through it said only, 'Thats okay. Thank you though (:'.

What had she been typing for so long? Had she considered it, or had she typed out a much longer message and deleted it?

'Alright, well if you change your mind I'm here. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sorry you're having a rough night. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve to be happy. Have a goodnight Julie. I'll see you tomorrow.' I stared at the message on my screen for too long, debating whether or not I should send it. It was late though, my wife was away and a woman I had feelings for was bawling fifteen feet and one wall away from me. I hit send.

The next message came much faster. 'thank you. that really does means a lot to me. goodnight Joel (: sweet dreams.' I read the message several times, smiling.

"Sweet dreams Julie." I whispered to myself and put my phone back on the nightstand.

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Morning came fast and I was far from rested. I tried to look my best though, both for the conference and for Julie. It seemed no decision I'd made over the last several months, no matter how minor, had been made without thinking of her. That included my decision to wake up early so I could shave. Moving to the new position and further from her had been the best thing for my sanity. What was I doing here now, one room away from her?

I could hear Julie rustling around getting ready still. I wanted to head to the lobby for breakfast but waited instead until I heard her door open, then opened mine as well.

"Good morning." She said, smiling through the evident exhaustion. Even tired she looked beautiful.

"Morning." I said, returning her smile. "Heading to breakfast?"

"Yep." She said. "You?"

"That's the plan." We made our way to the elevator.

"You heard from Gerald or Cecilia?" She asked.

"Not yet, but we weren't planning to leave for the conference for another thirty minutes." I told her.

"Okay, great." She said. I reached past her to hit the 'L' button. As the doors closed she turned to me.

"I'm really sorry about last night." She said, looking troubled.

"Don't be. You really didn't wake me. I'm just sorry you had a rough night." I said sympathetically.

"Yea, well, that's my boyfriend for you. He always knows just what to say."

"How long have you two been together?" I asked her.

"Just over a year." She said. "Seems we're fighting much more lately though."

The elevator door opened.

"He just gets so jealous sometimes." She said.

"Jealous?" I asked her, suddenly very interested.

"Hey guys!" Gerald said, walking up to us with his coffee. "Cecilia and I have a table if you want to join us."

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The rest of the day went well. We attended the conference and I got the chance to meet several business partners that I'd only ever exchanged calls or e-mails with before. Julie, Cecilia and Gerald seemed a bit overwhelmed, having never gone to one of these before, but they all handled themselves well.

Throughout the day I kept thinking back to what Julie had said about her boyfriend being jealous. It was too much to assume that he was jealous of me though. I'd never really interacted with Julie outside of work before this trip, so why would be jealous? What could she have said about me to cause that reaction? Maybe he was just controlling. My wife certainly didn't feel jealous or threatened by Julie, even though she had every reason to be. My wife had no idea Julie existed.

Nothing of note happened at the conference except that I kept staring at Julie, and she kept catching me doing it. My instinct when caught checking someone out would normally be to avert my eyes; try to play it off like my eyes were just moving anyway and they happened to catch hers for a moment. A completely smooth move that almost certainly doesn't work. Julie and I were friends though, or at least I thought so, and so I smiled at her whenever she caught me staring, and each time she greeted me with a warm smile back.

After the conference I invited the group to dinner at a place near our hotel, then gave my wife a quick call. I let her know I was taking everyone out to dinner and we might go out drinking after, so she'd probably be asleep before I could call again. She told me how much she missed me and how sad she was that I wasn't home. I told her I missed her too and I couldn't wait to be home tomorrow.

Julie and I ordered beer with our meal and Gerald and Cecilia didn't, which came as no surprise. We stayed for a few hours, talking and laughing. I had been the group's manager and was their supervisor on this trip, but I had always treated them more as friends and coworkers than employees. We all got along well and we had a good time. I was even kind of grateful Gerald and Cecilia were there since Julie was distracted throughout the meal. She was sending frequent texts, often sporting a furrowed brow while she did so, but she seemed to be having a good time regardless.

"I was thinking of going to the bar across the street from the hotel after this. You guys interested?" I asked them.

"Thanks, but I better get back to my room. My mom has my son tonight and I want to facetime him before he falls asleep." Cecilia said.

"Aren't you like twelve? Can you even go to bars?" I asked her.

"Shut up." Cecilia said, pushing me playfully.

"I should probably call it a night too." Said Gerald. "Thanks for dinner Joel."

"Don't mention it." I told him. "How about you Julie? You in?" I asked her, sounding as nonchalant as possible.

"Yea, I think so." She said, looking at her phone. "Let me just make a call first. Be right back."

She got up from the table and walked out of the noisy restaurant, her phone to one ear and her hand over the other.

"What time we meeting tomorrow?" Gerald asked.

"Ten sound good?" I suggested.

"Could we do nine?" He asked. "Wanna get home early if possible.

"Yea, that works." I told him, instantly mourning the lost hour of sleep.

"Works for me." Said Cecilia.

"Walk you back?" Gerald asked, gesturing to the door.

"Yea, sure thing." She said cheerfully. They got to the door when Cecilia asked Gerald to wait for a minute and came running back.

"Hey Joel, make smart choices tonight, okay?" She told me, looking concerned.

"I always do." I smiled at her.

"I mean it. I don't know what's going on between you two, but make smart choices." She said seriously.

"Us two?" I asked her.

"Don't play dumb." She said. "You're smarter than that. Don't stay out too late, alright?" Her tone became friendlier with the last sentence.

"Okay mom." I laughed. She caught back up to Gerald and they waved goodbye.

What the fuck was that?

Julie came back in a few minutes later, looking visibly upset.

"Everything cool?" I asked her.

"Yea, it's fine. You ready to go?" She asked, putting on a fake smile.

"I was born ready." I told her. She rolled her eyes at me and we headed out.

We walked the two minutes to the bar mostly in silence. I wanted to grab her hand, throw my arm around her, anything. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. I didn't though. Of course I didn't. We were two platonic coworkers going out for a drink. Platonic coworkers don't hold hands. Besides, she still seemed kinda mad.

The bar was fairly crowded but we were able to find an unoccupied booth in the corner. I asked her to save the table and I went to buy our drinks. I came back with a beer for me and a vodka cran for her.

Julie and I stayed at the bar for a couple hours. She drank a few drinks then switched to water. She seemed to be feeling it, but wasn't crazy drunk. I was in the same spot. A little too much to drive, but not so much that I was out of control.

This was the first time Julie and I had spent an extended time just the two of us, and it went great. I was surprised how natural our conversation was. When my wife and I go out we spend just as much time staring at our phones, if not more, than we do talking to each other. It's like we've ran out of things to say years ago so now every conversation we're just stretching to fill the time. Not so with Julie. We spent hours talking about our childhoods, high school, movies, bands... you name it. The only thing we didn't talk about was our significant others. Eventually though my curiosity got the better of me.

"So how'd the call with your boyfriend go?" I asked her. "You seemed a little upset."

"Not great." She said, in a tone that suggestednot greatwas an understatement. "He can be such an asshole sometimes. He just gets so jealous."

"Jealous? You're just out with your coworkers." I told her.

"Coworker." She corrected.

"Still..." I said

"I know, but he thinks everyone wants to sleep with me." She said.

"Doesn't he know Gerald and I are married?" I asked her.

"Like, to each other?" She joked.

"Yea, to each other. No I mean, doesn't he know you took this trip with two married guys? What's there to get jealous about?" I asked her.

"Yea, but he's been jealous of you for ages." She said flippantly, then seemed a bit embarrassed, as though she'd said something she hadn't meant to.

"Me?" I asked, surprised.

"I think he's threatened by you. It all started when you brought me those CDs. Right away he thought he had you pegged." She said, squinting her eyes. "He's always like that. He thinks the only reason someone would talk to me is because they want to fuck me."

"Flight of the Conchords needs to be heard. I gave Gerald a copy too. I hope his wife doesn't think I want to fuck him." I deflected.

"You never know. He might be on the phone with her now trying to calm her down." She joked. "My boyfriend didn't care much for the fact you lent me those movies either. He doesn't like anything I like, so I don't think he likes that we have some stuff in common or just the way I talk about you." She said, looking away a little. I had the distinct impression I wouldn't be hearing any of this if it weren't for the alcohol.

"I'm sorry." I told her. "I didn't mean to cause problems for you two. I just like to share with people the things I think they'll like."

"Oh I know. It's all in his head. I mean, you're married." She said, then looked me in the eyes like she was trying to read my mind. "It's not like you have a crush on me or anything."

My heart skipped a beat. Was she teasing me? Did she know? I needed to respond. When you're in a conversation with someone and they finish talking, it's expected that you'll respond. It's only polite.No, of course not.Four easy words. Why couldn't I say them?

"I," I started, letting the word hang there for a moment, "need to go to the bathroom." I said, smiling.

"I'll be here." She said, smirking back at me.

I made myself comfortable at a urinal. While I pissed I thought about what I was doing. I'd been all but convinced that I had fallen in love with Julie. Truly, honestly loved her. Probably. I mean, that's what jumped into my head every time I thought of her. I love that girl. Did I though, or was it just attraction and obsession? There was a sadness in her eyes. Were my feelings for her real, or was I just attracted to her beauty and, being honest with myself, her sadness? My ex was depressed and a liar. My wife was depressed. I had wanted to save both of them. I wanted to save Julie. Was she depressed? I didn't even know she was an artist. How could I love her when I don't even really know her?

The answers to those questions would have to wait. I was out of piss.

I went back to Julie and sat down. She was looking at her phone(the first time I'd seen her do so since we'd gotten to the bar), and spotting me she quickly put it back in her pocket.

"I think they're closing up." She said.

"Bummer. You ready to go?" I asked her.

"Yep." She said. "We'll need to close out our tickets."

"I'll get it." I told her.

"I can't let you do that!" She said, putting her hand on my arm.

"Come on. It's my pleasure."

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"I had a good time tonight." Julie said, grabbing my arm as we walked across the street. I didn't think she was very drunk, but she put on a show of grabbing my arm for support. Whatever the reason, I liked it.

"Yea it was." I said.

"I haven't had a good night like this in a long time." She said, looking up at me with her big blue eyes.

"Me neither." I told her truthfully.

"Do you want to go swimming?" The question surprised me.

"Swimming?" I asked. "I'm pretty sure the pool's closed."

"Doesn't hurt to look." She said wisely.

We walked across the lobby, nodding to the front desk clerk. I was sure we looked like a couple, her arm around mine, and I liked how that felt. The pool entrance was past a hallway and down a flight of stairs. Once we got there we could see the lights above the pool were off.

"Lame." She said, pouting. "I really wanted to swim." A sign on the door said the pool closed at midnight, and it was now one-thirty. I didn't want to see Julie sad though. I pulled on the door to the pool area and it opened right up.

"Guess it's still open after all." I said, grinning.

"Should we go get our suits?" she asked.

"Yea, we'd better. We'll have to go by the lobby again though. If they see us coming back through he might try to stop us going down." I said.

"You're right. You wearing boxers?" She asked.

"Yea." I said tentatively, liking where this was going.

"Close enough." She grinned and walked in the door.

The lights were off, but the lights in front of the door were on. The wall and door were made of glass, so we were able to see, just not terribly well. Inside was a mid-sized pool, a hot tub, several chairs and a towel station. Anyone looking in from the outside would see us if we weren't in the pool, but once we got in we'd be hidden well enough.

Julie was wearing a purple blouse and dress slacks. I stood in profile to me as she placed her finger tips under her blouse and then pulled it up and over her head, revealing a navy blue bra underneath. She turned to look at me and started unbuttoning her pants.

"You too." She said shyly.

I pulled my shirt up over my head and watched as she kicked off her shoes and pulled her pants down, shimmying them from side to side to get them over her ass. I followed her lead, undoing my belt and removing my slacks.