All Comments on 'An Offer He Can't Refuse Ch. 07'

5 stars !

But it was long, and the Anal part took half the story !

one more time, I'm starting screaming.

Your chapters always remind why I’m still an ass-man to this day!! Thx for another great chapter!

this is a great series. Loving it!

It deserves 10 stars!

Too much verbal vomit. Your over description or worded writing makes reading your story a chore. The sex scenes are so over described they become tiresome instead of arousing. I switched to reading only 1 or 2 sentences per paragraph and couldn't finish the entire story. Sometimes less is more. Learn to write!

all harem stories get repetitive and boring. It ends up just being one cut/paste sex scene after another, with names changed. Especially when it's 90% poop chute idiocy.

I agree with the verbal vomit comment. This is a hot series, but there are too many redundant words that slow down the pace and make it hard to read. So many of those hyphenated verb words. Ass-cramming, for example. This story is full of those type of words, and it makes the prose suffer.

Too many "horsedick" and "monstercock" mentions. The many different synonyms for cock in this story get tiring. Not too mention they're odd. Horsedick and monstercock should never be in an erotic story. They're strange words. And Lyla verbally saying monstercock sounded too unrealistic.

"Girlcum." Another unnecessary word.

Too many unnecessary adjectives and adverbs. Too many "his sister" mentions. When I'm constantly being reminded that she's his sister, it lessens the impact of the fact that he's banging his sister. Like, we get it. She's his sister. We know. The same goes for the mom's POV and her constant "her son" or "her boy". The "her boy" mentions especially took me out of the story. It was an unnecessary epithet that was used way too much. And for this chapter, the repetitive mentions of "bubble-butt" annoyed me as well. We get it. She has a bubble-butt. But I will say this isn't that bad, considering it's a reminder to the reader that she has one. Yet it's somewhat overused.

Again, it's a hot story. But the clutter of words makes it a hard read. Including a mess of adjectives, unnecessary epithets, adverbs, and repetitive words don't make the prose better. It makes it worse.

One example of a Literotica story that isn't annoyingly wordy is Dick Spanker's "Mother's Helping Hand" series. It's always refreshing to go to that series after I spend time looking at too-wordy stories on here. The writing in that story flows much better.

Using the "Find in page" option helps me catch redundant words in stories. FIP can count how many times a certain word is used on a webpage. It's a helpful tool as a writer and a reader. For example, I used it to find out that one popular author on here always had "enflamed knob" or "enormous knob" constantly used in one of his stories, and maybe more of them. And a few other certain adjectives before other mentions of "knob". It was frustrating. It's not a sin to NOT have an adjective before a noun.

Regardless, I don't want to trash talk this series. I'm simply explaining how a good story can be ruined by excessive words. Reading shouldn't feel like a chore. But stories like this one feel like chores because of the redundant words infesting them.

I praise those Literotica series that don't have a mess of words that hurt the flow of the stories. Mother's Helping Hand is one of those stories. Sadly, this one is not.

But yeah, the sex scenes in this series is too wordy. That's the main issue I have with it. It would've been so much better if the unnecessary words didn't clutter it.

Great story, and that chapter was wonderful.

But unfortunately, in real life, monster cooks and happy, COMFORTABLE, FULFILLING, anal experiences do NOT go together…