All Comments on 'An Unexpected Love'

Interesting storyline, hopefully you will continue the relationship with a couple more chapters. Thank YOU.

Keep the story coming

Great 1st story, keep them comming

Loved it hopefully there will be more to come . Keep up the good work!!!

HOPEFULLY YOU WILL CONTINUE THIS

Keep up the good work is there goign to be a second storie

I liked the story line. I hope you continue. But please don't turn Neil into an ogre like her ex-hubby. I suggest you find a good editor to correct your grammatical mistakes.

but could be better. Word like "cunt" is not the best choice in the story that has gentleness, love, commitment ...you get my point I hope. Word "cunt" belongs more where there is just Fucking for the sake of FUCKING, domination ...etc. Wright??? Good luck.

I do not think so, too self assured, too wise in the ways to a womans heart. However, a good story, if you learned how to spell, or used spell check on your computer, before you submitted your stories, your readers, namely me and possibly others, might have enjoyed this one more!

Start with sentence structure and punctuation. A string of phrases linked by commas does not a sentence make. Sometimes short sentences are appropriate. At other times colons or semicolons are appropriate. Just trying to be helpful.

You're off to a decent start, and I really like your story idea, but you can tell that you're not an experienced writer. You need to work on your sentence structure and your grammar. Also, you have a tendency to change tenses within the same sentance/paragraph. I strongly recommend finding an editor who will work with you on these things and will assist you in developing your ideas into a story that will have better flow. Your characters need to have more development both personally and in their relationship.

Thanks for all the comments, most of which give me constructive feedback which I will follow.

I don't really know how I want to continue or even if I will continue the story, but i will try.

Thank you all so much.

Try putty, other than that I liked it.

i have been reading mature stories for 20 years, this one kept me awake.

I was wondering if yu plan to continue but not drag it out that they do find happiness

and maybe children. thank you rex I M NOT A MEMBER, but please continue with this story.

Good erotic and romantic story, but Neil should hide their affair in the school, his teacher may loose her job at the school.

I'm not sure what you're going for here. I assume he is supposed be falling in love with her and trying to take care of her. But it doesn't play out that way.

He comes across as some rich spoiled kid getting off on controlling an older woman.

She comes across as a stereotypical abused woman going from one bad relationship to another.

Part 2 has been finished and is Pending now!

I'm not going to tell anyone anything about it. BUT IT IS BETTER THAN PART 1. I have taken your feedback and used it as best as possible to craft part 2.

Thanks!

Hi barr123,

Don't worry about comments criticising your realisation of a story. The plot is hardly material, except to hand an amount of fucking to the reader. I think that you managed the story quite well.

Your real problems are mostly poor English. A bit much of it so that it grates! But many writers here are worse than you. Here are some things--

1. Keep sentences to 20 to 30 words maximum. You have one with about 80 words.

2. Get your punctuation right-- 'I work as a part time secretary there" answered Kate.'-- needs a comma after ...there," like that. You have commonly missed them.

3. Decide whether you're writing American English (USE) -- with commas scattered everywhere -- or NZ English that has commas for meaning only, and different spelling. Set your word processor to one or the other and, if it is USE, use the grammar checker to show you how to punctuate.

4. Never start a sentence with a number -- like this: 3 hours later.... Always spell-out single numbers because it is too easy to misread them when written as digits.

5. Understand English much better than you do-- 'look at the state where in' -- is crap because you don't understand the difference between 'we're' and 'where'. 'Your' and 'you're' are also common stuff-ups. Get yourself a good human editor who can help, you cannot rely on spell and grammar checkers to pick and fix homophone errors you make. Email me at linmhall@gmail.com if you wish. Look at roughboy18 http://www.literotica.com/s/rough-boys-ch-01 for some of my editing.

6. You have a few too many padding words that add nothing to your story. Eliminate them.

There is more but I'll stop here. You need help with English spelling and grammar. Get it. LinM.

I hope there is a 2 can't wait to c what hapens good story.

Wow.that is so hot