All Comments on 'An Unhappy Year in Times Square'

Just another B.T.B story that should be in NoN Erotic but again L.W. gets this crap.

One star at best..

Alienation of affection, adultery blah blah blah doesnt hold court in US courts. She could fuck the entire Green Bay Packers on national tv while confessing to being a porn star and the courts wouldnt care so far as divorce is concerned.

This was mindless BTB that requires us, the reader to lower our collective IQ in order to enjoy this.

You never describe the emotions of the characters. Way too much narration and not enough dialogue and reflection by the players. This leaves the story in a single dimension and representative of a “what I did on my summer vacation “ type of essay

Courtesy of Swingerjoe ?

Learn basic writing. Then try to develop characterization.

caring story well written about a father love and protection of his daughter.

... Very close to 5 stars but the ending was just a little rushed.

and who decides the payments for the payee, TK U MLJ LV NV

Already has a four page story in LW? A story that switches from first to third person after a bit, has some formatting weirdness in the middle and the most preposterous end. Bitches be burnt, so I suppose we can look for a four star rating, but I'll hand it a 2.

I'm writing these as I go, so some comments may be over-taken by future events.

First, the switch from first to third person is wrong. Just start in third person.

Minor question - If he has a home office, why not add a separate entrance an just use that as his office?

Why are beautiful women so susceptible tp men paying them some attention?

"She told herself that the flirting was simply a harmless diversion to compensate for the long hours at the office." - She doesn't seem to worry about compensating her FAMILY for the long hours at the office!

"re-energize her sex life with Jeff" - WHAT sex life?

"After nearly two months without sex, Annie was incredibly horny that morning." - WTF? Of course, it never occurs to her that JEFF might be incredibly horny as well, and she would kill him if HE had an affair to "re-energize their sex life!"

"What Annie did not know was why" - This is confusing. By its placement, it seems to be saying she doesn't know why Kyle wants to seduce her, when it's obvious; he's a pussy hound! From the following statements it's apparent that she doesn't know why SHE is doing it, so the sentence probably should have been, "What Annie did not know was why she was doing this."

Non-Erotic? Her time in Kyle's loft wasn't erotic?

"set her Apple watch to vibrate around 6am so she could get up, start laundry and be out of the house before Jeff woke." - Why doesn't Jeff set HIS alarm to get up earlier?

I know nothing about advertising, but if the campaign in Syracuse was so successful, why not just take THAT national, instead of risking a new campaign that may or may not be successful? Why re-invent the wheel?

Even without the affair, I don't understand why Jeff is putting up with her essentially abandoning the family. What about HER family? Don't they wonder where their daughter is? I presume Jeff is bringing his daughter over.

"Spend the weekend with your families" - Ha!

"It may be awhile before we get the chance to unwind again." - I thought that when this campaign was over she was supposed to make things up to Jeff?

With no-fault divorce you don't need evidence of the affair. She has essentially bailed on the marriage, that should be enough!

"I've got a friend who provides security" - Of course, EVERYBODY either knows somebody or has a friend/relative who knows somebody in security!

"we served together in the Airborne Rangers" - PLEASE don't let that be a factor in the revenge! And of course, his brother is an investment banker with plenty of money! What would/could Jeff do WITHOUT those resources, that would make it more relatable.

"He took off without saying goodbye and I'm just going to let him stew for awhile." - Like you've been doing every morning for weeks!

Why the font change? Yikes!

I don't think they'd get tickets to "Hamilton" on such short notice unless Kyle paid a small fortune to a ticket agent.

Oh, no! Not the high-tech genius who is going to hack into the Jumbotron and put their fucking on it instead of the ad!

And, of course, his guys have a grudge to settle as well. Can anyone say Deus ex Machina?

Matthews and Fralick won't be liable for anything! They knew nothing about the affair, they even told them to spend the weekend with their families. She was worried enough about the company finding out that she messed up her bed so that it would look like she was using a separate bedroom.

It takes to almost Christmas for her to realize that she hasn't had anything to do with her family since OCTOBER, and now suddenly her husband isn't an asshole?

If they violated their morals clause, that is a offense by them that the company can hold against them. That's proof that the company DOESN'T approve of their kind of a relationship, not grounds to sue the company. There's no evidence that the company ALLOWED anything or that their affair was so public. Again, SHE was so afraid of it becoming public that she mussed up the bed in "her" room.

"I haven't even tried to see my husband or my daughter since September." - Earlier she said October.

"I have this guy Krampus to thank for showing me what a lying, cheating, unloving, manipulative and narcissistic bitch you really are." - If it took Krampus to show him, he couldn't have divorce papers so soon.

Is her job seven days a week? So why can't she make it back and forth without risking her job?

I'm sorry, but she deserves the BTB, but not the scorched earth.

The switch from first person to third person perspective makes the story unreadable.

but this one was just plain mean. Was it a satire? Are you a woman trying to show how misogynistic Lit readers are? The unbelievable formatting issues aside, you might want to review paragraphs and how to write dialog.

Bringing the Army ranger into it was really the last straw, but everything was over the top and unbelievable, starting with not a single line about interacting with the daughter, she was never more than a name and a device. Finally, pushing the ex-wife into a lifetime of spinsterhood just smacked of a hateful woman author trying to expose the bad men who would like this vicious tripe.

1 star for the BTB's, but other than that, way too many things wrong with this. Not the least of which is the weird as hell format change on pages 1&2. Better luck next time.

then down hill to a 3 thus a 4...the husband is educated and should have read the signs much earlier... any one with a Phd by his age and successful practice could not be that far removed from the "situation".

Great timing, and sweet revenge.

5/5

This story was disjointed, poorly written, and seemed like a rip off of “Live From the Game”. Ending had inconsistent timeline between husband and ex.

You have to rip off Live from the game?

Seriously?

And for gods sake, get an editor. The way this is formatted it’s unreadable.

She realized her mistake and you still buried her. Never saw her daughter again what crap is that. That Times Square set up was bullshit. New York doesn't look at adultery in divorce cases. It's always 50/50 and she still gets the daughter. This was a total fairy tale. I can see this revenge if she ran off with Kyle. But she realized her mistake, the husband as a theripist should have taken a more aggressive approach early on instead of his passive role. So some of it is on him. This isn't burn the bitch it's just sick revenge from this Jeff without even confronting Annie . A score of one for this farce.

good one.

it is a fictional story, so get over it and quit being assholes with comments.

Fairly predictable story but well done and enough substance to be enjoyable. Gave it a 4*+. Yes I know you can't see the +.

I agree with other critical comments about the anonyms commenters; get a life. For fucks sake it is FICTION and a story. Can any of you write anything nearly as good? I suspect not. You guys are the losers, not Kenny.

You had a story and, like so many wannabe writers, you reach for the ‘big moment’. This requires extreme simplification of the difficulties involved in pulling off the ‘big moment’. Some stories - whole writing careers - are based on writing out such plot intricacies so you can’t do it in a few paragraphs without looking foolish. You also reach for the ‘big moment’ without considering consequences. Like this would result in a major criminal investigation that would destroy your hero’s life. Like this would wreck his kid’s life. You as a writer make choices. You chose to ratchet up the absurdity by having the wife/mom disappear for over a month instead of something more realistic. You did this because you were reaching for that ‘big moment’ but, bluntly, it was dumb. It isn’t easy to write ‘big moment’ stories. You should try writing something more realistic.

First, this was pretty good for a first story. i think you rushed the ending a bit from the time of the New Years Day party to Annie's return home to the divorce. Please note, I am not a writer; so take my comments with a grain of salt or ignore them. Merry Christmas.

I really liked the story, and even ignored the editing errors, odd text size, etc. Where it went wrong (in my humble opinion) was at the big reveal. You set up the huge reveal on New Year's Eve, and dedicated two whopping sentences to the porn of them playing, and Ryan Seacrest telling them to get off the stage. That moment and the aftermath were the whole reason for your title, and could have been so much more.

Then, we get a very rushed epilogue type of ending in the last few paragraphs, which also could have really shown how badly she had it afterwards. I gave you 3* wanting to give it a 5, but just couldn't. You had me really hooked, and then the balloon just let all the air out in a rush.

Thank you for the effort, and keep trying. Also try to find someone to at least proof your work.

RNebular

Began out good but ended up a BTB ending where Jeff and his daughter got everything and lived happily ever after and his wife died old alone and a spinster never able to see her daughter again, totally unrealistic as it would never happen that way in real life. Typical macho woman hating shit. Would likebto rewrite the last half.

The quality of the writing declined the further the story went. I've read another story on literotica which had virtually the same plot.

This was about as poorly written as it possibly could be. Punctuation was horrible. Dialogue was exceptionally bad. You moved from first person to third and I suspect you have no idea what that means, or where you did it. The plot was taken from Jezzaz, although his story was far, far better, as in no comparison. I don't think you could have been the one that screwed up the formatting. That must have been done by the $10/hour extras hired at Christmas by Literotica. You obviously borrowed from Jezzaz but lacked the insight to borrow his decision to make it believable. Then the lawyer puts in the documents that he is blackmailing her into signing the divorce and she had better go along with it? He gets millions from the company? His brother and his buddy were secret ops?

You have proven my theory that regardless of how poorly a story is written, it will do fairly well if the cheating wife is burned in the end. The truth is that this story should score a solid one, but you may actually hit a four when all is said and done. The writing is a reflection on you, but the score is a reflection on us readers. We seem to be getting what we deserve. If we applaud stories like this one, why would anyone bother with doing it right?

While not really a direct ripoff of jezzaz's piece, it is enough alike to make me wonder if you kept a copy of his story open for reference as you "wrote" this.

We can't point the finger at you or your editor for the layout problems. Literotica has to take the hit for them.

On Saturday, she woke herself early. She was feeling a bit guilty, knowing that she planned to cheat on her husband and she also wanted to avoid having sex with Jeff so she could fully immerse herself in the experience with Kyle.

After nearly two months without sex, Annie was incredibly horny that morning. She could feel her pussy leaking as she stepped into the shower. The juices were running down her leg and it took all she had to stop from rubbing her pussy while showering.

Your time frames don't jive. First you said she was going to New York with Kyle and she showed up at his place to pick him up. Next they were in his condo and making love then doing some work then back to the bedroom, On Sunday, they had sex again, showered and talked about tomorrow when they would meet with Simone's people to find out how the campaign was going. As she left, she gave him a passionate kiss that left her tingling.

Then you wrote On Saturday she arrived home around 2am to her sleeping husband. She quietly slipped in and took a shower and set her Apple watch to vibrate around 6am so she could get up, start laundry and be out of the house before Jeff woke. Sunday she arrived home by 11pm and again set her watch to wake her at 6.

She gets so totally involved with Kyle she forgets she is married and had a child. If you did a rewrite and got your time lines right, toned down the scorched earth policy against her and just left Kyle to his own accord it would have flowed better.

ps: try and explain how her termination paperwork got delivered by the same server the same day.

Well written. Thank you.

It looks like this story was meant to be a Christmas present to the BTB crowd as you can see that page two is a different font. I think the over-the-top cheating of a wife with a seven year old daughter was over done and the life of misery is too much fantasy. I'll read it another time before I give it a score.

not "non the less". Small wonder you enjoy this type of story. Let's talk about you. Are you a manly man? Heterosexual? Have you ever eaten a used condom? Have you ever had any experience with a woman? Do you like sports? Let us know what makes you tick, tell us your qualifications and skills, your dreams and aspirations. Inquiring minds want to know. Describe yourself. How is your mother doing? Do you have any siblings, kids, relatives? Do it without a single inappropriate term or expression. Show the world why you are a superior being.

Speaking of the title, shouldn't it be, "An Unhappy New Years Eve in Times Square"?

She stays out until midnight or LATER five nights a week and he does nothing? Not even when it spreads to the weekend?

It's unclear how much he sees her in September/October, but she blows of the family get together on Labor Day, is incommunicado for Thanksgiving, and he still does nothing? Thanksgiving wasn't even mentioned until much later, why was there no explosion at her blowing off Thanksgiving? It would have changed the ending, but the Monday after Thanksgiving he should have marched into her boss's office and demanded to know why she had to work Thanksgiving. THAT would have blown her whole affair wide open when he finds out the office was closed for the whole four-day weekend!

As I said in my earlier comment, he blames the New Years Eve hack for telling him about the affair, yet he already had divorce papers made out!

Listen here all you cucky cum slurpers. This was a good read ,you sick condom eaters are to busy watching other guys ducking you fat wore wives to know what a good story is .and the king condom eater is HDK. I bet he sucks cum straight from the source . What a piece of shit he is . Then THINKS he is good enough to critic others. Get off this site ya sick loser! You are ducking up all your mom's band width. And she trying to ding her next niggga dick.

Starts well but soon becomes unrealistic. And......

the two roving persons did good work. Bosses not dump them.

Work on a more realistic ending.

We don't need a thesaurus to tell us what a STORY Is! Do YOU even know what a thesaurus is?

Yes, it's a story. and yes, the writer can make it as outlandish as he/she wants, but he/she shouldn't get upset when we find it difficult to buy into the outlandishness!

You would think that if the issues were coming to a "head" and you hadn't been interacting with your wife for more than a few weeks - as a (so called) professional... you might make the time to meet her at lunch and discuss some things with her.

This is the ridiculousness of the so called cuck BTB social circle. They look for ANY reason to justify their sexual excitement found in betrayal. Unfortunately it NEVER makes for a good story - sorry. Just another piss poor excuse for a male trying to look like a MAN.

Smokepole

I like a good BTB tale, but this one is not believable enough to be interesting. I suggest that you read Rehnquist's "A Crash Course in Family Law" in this web site. You could make this a great tale, if you just made it more believable and more balanced.

It is hard for many us who have been treated with infidelity to relate. Few us have Seal team or Airborne Rangers kin in highly placed positions and in a position to destroy our cheating spouse. Many of us know how hard (impossible) it is to have the cheating spouse restricted to supervised visits where there was clearly no threat to the children or a history of abuse. Seven Million dollar settlement for what? Not in the state of New York. New Your corporate law is so pro business that such suits are all but impossible.

Been there.

I can't believe you didn't get a chance use the drones. Surely they could have been written in somewhere. Right.......

You are hilarious dude. You're going to give advice to HDK? You? That is just hysterical! Damn, fella, talk about out of your league! Arm-chair quarterback gives superbowl advice to Tom Brady!

The fact is that HDK was exactly right, and this story is enjoyed inversely proportional to the wit of the reader. Yours is obviously very slender, indeed.

A story that is untrue is fiction. A story that is unreal is science fiction, or in this case, psychological fiction. The husband's response to the wife's protracted increasing abandonment is unreal, especially him being a psychologist. The wife abandoning her family for fortune and fame and excitement and spectacular sex is believable for a narcissistic soulless bitch. But after all her buttons getting pushed and satisfied, for her to suddenly and inexplicably develop a conscience and compassion and guilt is unbelievable. You poorly explained her descent into depravity, and made no explanation of her supposed moral rehabilitation.

You appeared to grow weary of your own story after the buildup to the great denouement. From that point on it was just an unemotional shallow news report of what happened to whom. A second chapter better describing and explaining, preferably in their own words, what happened to the wife and asshole predator was needed to make this a much more interesting and compelling story.

A decent first effort, getting some criticism because it could and should have been much better. That's not a bad response.

Please try again, with some editing and guidance, to make it more human and believable.

You seem to place quotation marks at random.

<P>

Do NOT write conversations as one paragraph. When the character talking changes, start a new paragraph.

<P>

When one character is talking, do NOT enclose individual sentence with quotation marks.

<P>

The font change was puzzling.

<P>

However, the worst it the change from first to third person.

<P>

Forget relying on an editor, you need to learn basic English.

ulaic

We've had other 'revelation' tropes happening. Ohio had one at a public seminar, there was the one with the viral campaign against a news reporting hottie who cussed out her viewers, and we have the Ad Lady (?) where her hubby put a large screen TV on the side of a building.

So it is a common trope, though I get the author being a bit peeved.

I could not suspend disbelief. The idea that Ryan Seacrest is going to do an AD CAMPAIGN on NEW YEARS DAY instead of having Mariah Carey or some film star...just doesn't work.

Not perfect, but satisfying. Cheating should demand a great price and this cheater and her man who're paid it . Good first effort.

SBrooks started (correctly) at the TITLE. Can’t start much earlier. EVE!

HDK is totally correct about Jezzaz’s story ... as is JEZZAZ himself. Both in the rip-off AND the difference in quality. A lot of other discerning criticism is also provided.

So, what is left to critique (euphemism for ‘grind up’)? Well, there is the timeline of their ages, meeting in college as graduate students, then going through 3 years in grad school (long for an MBA, short for a clinical psych PhD - which inclues a year-long internship.) Then getting married and having a kid. (They have been married 7 years, Sweetie was married at 21, AFTER spending about 7 years in college.). They have 4 years difference in age ... it is unlikely they were in grad school together (yeah, Hubby mighta been in the military somewhere along the line, but just DO THE MATH.

Next story the author ‘borrows’ he should have a story-timeline in front of him whenever he writes a paragraph.

Yeah, the point of view shifts, but what bothers me more is that a significant section is TOTALLY narrated, in a place where the characters coulda carried the story much better than an impersonal narrator.

Lastly, and undermentioned to date, Sweetie suddenly and for no apparent reason, ‘getting religion’ was a great time for her to get back to Dr. Hubby’s ... as a patient.

3* and too generous at that.

This is a bunch of cardboard cut-outs moving inexorably from A to B. As the scoring indicates there are plenty of people who like that sort of thing.

That ending...damn. If you were gonna go THAT far with it, you may as well have gone Full MacGruber and had Jeff toss Kyle off a cliff, riddle his body with machine gun fire until he ran out of ammo as he fell to his death, and then whipped out his seven inch dick (as detailed in the story for whatever reason, since it never came into play) and pissed off the cliff onto his corpse. I mean, it wouldn't have been much more of a stretch.

Looks like the aliens need to upgrade their Martian Slut Ray. This one randomly wore off towards the end, making the wife seem like two different characters.

All the same, some parts were still fairly well written (although the ending was really rushed and really over the top) and whatever readers might think of the story, most would probably at least agree it's the best we've gotten in a few days. I thank you for the story.

Cog

PS: Live from the Game is a true classic in the genre. It's a shame the follow-ups have kinda piled on the poor hubby unnecessarily while bringing the offending wife happiness. We still need his happy ending, jezzaz.

For your whole story.

Good potential, a few good ideas, characters that fit the molds you were trying to establish (did someone call them 'cardboard cutouts?'), a sexy wife, conflict over overcommitment to the job. Yup. Rather formulaic.

It's as though you tried to cross a river using stepping stones, only to find you couldn't get there from here. So you made a few leaps instead, and if the story is good enough, who cares?

Except that it wasn't, so we do.

All other problems aside, the ones that always torque me are the "I looked into my crystal ball and foresaw that the bad character is never going to be happy again" conclusions. That's not what the Omniscient PoV means. If the story is set in a current era, you stretch reality by telling us that the cheater's life will suck for the next 40 years. Then you compound your simplicity by stating so in only 3 sentences.

Grow up. You don't understand life.

Yes, cheaters are bad. Yes, they hurt people. Yes, they deserve punishment. But I'll bet that Jeff and Devon are human, too, and yet you paint them as pure--other than Jeff's quest for destruction, of course.

I actually think--admittedly, after only one story--that a poor grasp of the human condition is your greatest shortcoming as a writer (more than the structural stuff.) However, if you ALWAYS Burn The Bitch, a certain pathetic percentage of readers will always rate you highly, even if your writing never shows that you've learned anything else about life. And people. And love.

There's a very sad reason for that.

3*.

The same I'd give Putin. Because if I score you too low, you won't listen to me.

All in all very good.

If wife was good she would get some type of chance somewhere

This is some powerful stuff.

And a writer's first story!

Well written, great plot.

Hat's off in respect.

Top ratings from me.

Thanks!

Real life almost never has such a complete victory, as in cheated upon husband getting millions of bucks, and such a devastating loss, unemployment, poverty and loss of ever being able to see one’s child.

The unbelievable part began with mom not even calling home, to keep up presences with her husband and daughter, and continued with her blowing off Thanksgiving; who wouldn’t at least phone home? The characters are either 100% good or 100% evil in this.

Your complaint that real life isn't like this story is hilarious.

In your last effort you wrote about a devoted wife. Happily married for 12 years instantly becomes an aggressive cheating slut just because a taller guy says two words to her in an elevator.

Guess only you are allowed such stretches

Strange how one of the liberal elite would resort to such vulgar language.

I have noted in the comment section of numerous stories where several agreed with Kimi1990. I have also noted you are frequently lampooned.

FYI - writing ditties on restroom was does not qualify as published poetry

Just grate

Hot talented women always land on their feet or land on their backs, Either way, they tend to do 'okay', because some white knight 'just knows' she learned her lesson.

Are supposed to be about the story, but seem to get sidetracked to an insult war between frequent commentators. Ok guys...we get it...you disagree. When you get personal, you detract from your own argument. ‘Nuff said.

I agree that this story has a lot of potential, but needs an editor in the worst way. Think of an editor as someone who will help you find mistakes that you missed (timeline, grammar, POV changes, etc) and will make suggestions to the plot and character development. An editor doesn’t want to “steal your child” from you, but to help you to nurture your child and guide you both to the best possible result. Good luck, and I hope you write again.

The faults in this story have been pointed out in the comments.

There seems to be three sets of readers , the cuck faggots, the neanderthal btb crowd and a last group, the first 2 hate anything opposite of their personal kink and vote accordingly.

I myself although partial to a btb story have no problem with reconciliation.

It is the third group that is drowned out but should be the ONLY group......the Well written stories group.

HDK always leaves comments that are spot on yet gets derided by one group or other depending on what kink the story falls under.

The absolute drivel that gets accepted is beyond a joke, this story was nowhere near the worst (not even close) yet the site administration should be rejecting it.

If there is no quality control then the value of the site is greatly diminished, the few gems posted get drowned out by torrents of shite, and that is a great shame.

P.s. also agreed with sbrooks comment.

To the author, don't stop writing, just please hold back on submitting until you know what you have is quality.

. . . if you don’t think it possible that a faithful wife of 12 years could ever yield to a quick fuck request from a hot guy.

But, maybe you’re right, maybe such a thing could never, ever happen in the real world. My bad.

Are you saying that HDK has under-inflated balls? Just asking

(sorry for the non-sequitur and no disrespect to HDK intended. i just thought it was kinda funny and, "in my business you don't cut funny")

very minor complaint...In the future you may want to pay a little more attention to the timing in years of your characters... you mentioned that ages of your characters as 32, 28 and 7 meaning the wife would be 21 at time of birth of the daughter and later you said they met her first year of graduate school which would have made her 22 or 23

Most of these stories require at least SOME suspension of disbelief, but to expect us to believe that an intelligent(?) husband would do or say NOTHING for months, then go all black ops ninja is simply too much!

Are we supposed to believe that he NEVER stayed up late nor got up early to confront his wife? That they lived near HER family, and they never questioned why she never visited, or was never home when they visited? It is flat out IMPOSSIBLE that her mother wasn't on the phone DEMANDING to see her! It's never said, but they spent Labor Day and Christmas with his family, so it's not out of line to assume Thanksgiving was with her family, and NO reaction to her absence.

As has been said, a three or four month abandonment of her family, and ZAP! the Venus anti-Slut Ray hits her and she's normal again?

and willing to comment or the same story several times while remaining anonymous. We can draw several conclusions from its posts. 1) it is an idiot, 2) it has a severe used condom fetish, 3) it has limited imagination, 4) it had a repressed childhood with serious mother issues, 5) it is insecure about its gender identity, 6) it has very little formal education, and 7) it is likely an impotent male with strong female tendencies. These are facts I was able to glean from its poorly written, unimaginative, comments sprinkled liberally with its used condom fetish and strong indications of impotence. It can be helped with medication and counseling.

Good first effort, look forward to more from you. Some flaws have already been pointed out so I won't bother, again, thanks.

Jeff Jennings, Dr Jeff Jennings is a psychologist, one who has a successful private practice. men like that have been trained, and gone through their entire careers, trying to understand the mental, emotional and psychological issues of other people. It would be completely out-of-character for such a man to not have suspected that something was up with his wife from the very beginning, and raised the issue before it got anywhere close to as bad as it got. Some sort of intervention would have been set up, long before his wife essentially abandoned his family.

Even after she did, he would have been calling her, every evening, to see how she was doing, to check on the mother of their child.

Nor would Annie have simply blown off Thanksgiving without even a phone call. The only way we could ever believe in such complete abandonment is if she had set up separate financial accounts, so that her money was no longer under her husband's control, and such was not mentioned in the story.

Finally, a state-licensed psychologist is not going to go all burn the bitch like that; he's going to be 'understanding,' and while he might not want his wife back, he's not going to try to utterly ruin her, or deny her access to her daughter, even if he has full custody. You could have made the story more believable had the protagonist been in a different profession.

seems a copy of "live from the game"

they receive the most comments. Even though these stories have issues at least they're debatable, can't say that for most of the stories thrown into this category. 3*

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How many cliches can you

pack into a story? Here's the good part: you started out strong. Good setup. Like able couple and easy to understand the mess they were in.

Now for the bad: there aren't enough Army Rangers and SEALS to go around. Totally unnecessary to your story line. Also just how many computer geniuses are there floating around? Once you mentioned the special forces and the computer kid you lost all sense of reality. Story over right there. And the coincidences! Just happen to know a friend in security business who just happens to have cameras inThe Very Room? Bullshit. How stupid do you think we are?

The last minute ad campaign for Times Square New Years Eve? Bullshit.

Alienation of Affection? Does not exist in New York. Five minutes of research would have informed you. Stupid. This is the marker that tells me the plot is stupid. Morality clauses in an advertising company? Fat chance. Put the best litigator in NY on retainer? Shark divorce attorney? This friend must have tens of thousands of dollars to waste. Bullshit.

When the corporate lawyers from everyone who was harmed by the video trick got done with the husband he wouldnt have anything left. Even if they lost their case the legal fees would eat him alive. No way he walks with $7 much less $7million.

Stay with your strengths and craft more realistic endings and you'll be fine.

For the umpteenth time, NO company is going to put clauses in their Policies and Procedures and/or their employment contracts that EXPOSE them to lawsuits. Just about EVERYTHING in them is to PROTECT them from lawsuits!

The morality clauses are to make it easier to terminate/punish employees who abuse their authority to extract sexual favors from subordinates. The only case against the company, with or without morality clauses, is if they knew about it and/or enabled it. Not in real life, but they would obviously be liable in the "corporate whores" stories.

Another btb author to follow. Thank goodness. Thanks for the excellent read.

I liked it!

People, take it for what it is, a really good BTB story. We need more like this on Literotica.

... especially “airborne rangers”? If anything he’d just say “rangers”, if not just “army”. Like you don’t say “I go to Harvard”, but “I go to school in Boston”.

Also, age problems. If daughter is 7, and they married when she was pregnant, then they’ve probably been married 7-8 years. If Annie is 28, she was 20-21 when she married. It’d be very rare for her to be in an MBA program at that age. At least that’s the way I read the age/time set up. Ages/time need to be changed or clarified.

Also, dialog is a bit stilted. A typical new writer problem. Dialog sounds like how you write down on paper vs. natural speech. Try speaking out your dialogue after you have written it down. Listen to yourself and see if you speak as you’ve written. Heck, maybe you do speak like that. I find sometimes foreigners speak English that way because they learned English by reading, not verbally.

I do like the basic plot line. So please keep it up and continue on in this story. This is only part 1, isn’t it? That’s not clear either.

No this is NOT a good BTB story! I don't have to tell regular readers that I'm a BTB/Consequences fan (well, more consequences than BTB, but that's beside the point), and this is the kind of story that gives BTB/Consequences stories a bad name!

The good loving wife hit by the Martian Slut Ray, and basically destroys her family.

A [NOT] clueless husband who might as well be, given what he doesn't do to put the brakes on before it all goes off the rails.

Just about every BTB Deus ex Machina ever used.

The ex-husband with a better wife and the ex-wife reduced to loneliness and penury.

I don't want to get into arguing the merits of a BTB story, there have been some great ones and a lot of awful attempts and this is in the second category.

It's like a paint by numbers picture. The author has followed the directions, loving spouse, neglected child, indifferent cheater, evil seducer, public humiliation, loving spouse gets better life, bad guys eat shit the rest of their lives. All the pieces are there...

But there is no flesh on the bones. Nothing to get the reader involved in the story. 2*

What can I say? I read it & I liked it. I've read all of yours and liked them as well.

I lived with a cheating wife who abandoned our children and ended up dying alone next to a half empty wine bottle. Not what any of us wanted for her but she brought it on herself. I also remarried and the kids all love their new "mother". Their last act with their biological mother was to dump her ashes in the ocean.

First, thank you for your kind words.

I will take you at your word about your first marriage, but I ask you, how long did it take you after you realized that something was wrong to do ANYTHING? This guy couldn't be bothered to stay up late ONE night to confront his wife.

I don't know about your situation, but his in-laws lived nearby. THEY never questioned anything? He NEVER asked them talk to their daughter?

Those are the kinds of things that ruined this for most of us, and that was BEFORE the Airborne Ranger, high-tech super spy hacking cliches!

A good first effort but as I say, it needed some heavy editorial assistance.

And if the two members of staff were breaking company rules by conducting an affair that they hid from their employers, and the employer terminated them both when their affair was brought to their attention, would the employer be liable for damages?

Probably not.

I'm certainly no legal expert, but I would say DEFINITELY not!

As I've said, "morality clauses" have nothing to do with it, what sort of attorney and/or Human Resources expert would have a company include a policy that EXPOSES them to damages?

As you say in your example, THEY'RE breaking company rules, so how is the company liable?

At one point one of the bosses TOLD them to go spend some time with your families, and they decided that their play time was more important!

Shouldn’t the title be: ‘An Unhappy New Year in Times Square’?

The whole NEW year part of both ‘Happy New Year’ and the association of Times Square with NEW Year’s Eve celebrations, etc. etc.

Expectations were lowered from that point on

That was crazy ride . Not well written , and pov went askew , but at least it wasn't the usual cuckold crap that most printed here are . So I'm willing to overlook the mistakes for that alone .

Give us some more just like it .

I’m not a fan of BTB, but it was handled well, all bad guys lived in misery, etc. The wife was conveniently made into a spinster who lived alone, which of course is extreme, and the whole thing was over the top in any case.

I did not care for the whole bit with the husbands shit smelling like rose's, all sparkle's and glitter and playing the 1812 overture but I read on because I figured wtf it could happen.

I even continued to read on past continued references to moving to New York even though they apparently live in New York, I just chalked it up to the writer being to lazy to add City to the end or to geographically challenged to realize that Syracuse and Albany are both located in New York.

My biggest problems with the story came from the company they work for setting both up in the same company owned apartment. I don't see that happening outside the 1980's. Sexual harassment suits are to common in today's age, and even if not proven the fallout from the accusation alone can be disastrous to any Company that finds itself the target of one.

The other big glaring problem is that since the patriot act was passed no hacking on that level is going to just be chalked up as "something, something" It is going to be traced to the source. the FBI, NSA, and Homeland Security would likely all get involved. Not to mention our nations police departments may not be full of Columbo's and Kojack's but they do tend to hire Detectives that are bright enough to connect a dot. The husband would be zeroed in on immediately his where about's checked and verified. He would not be walking off into the sunset to live happy ever after.

I do however feel that you made a good first effort. Next time I suggest taking your time rather then attempting to rush a story out. Doing some research when it comes to writing outside of your expertise, (there is either a forums or youtube how to video for everything and if all else fails ask jeve's) once all that is done and your story is complete use one or more of literotica's volunteer editor's.

Excellent job. Keep writing and keep smiling.

It wasn't all that great either. The author used a lot of tried and true cheating wife cliches but left too many questions unanswered.

My only critiscism (and a minor one at that), is that the ending felt a little too concise. What were the sluts feelings about being caught out? How did she react and her family react to her debut on the big screen? Did she fruitlessly try to appologise and how did Jeff and Amy Jo deal with their anger and fill the void in their life?

On the whole though, very good. Thanks for a fun read.

Too many duex ex machina to hide holes in the plot. Bent over backwards to change characters character so as to have denouement wanted including the ridiculous outcomes for the antagonists. Needs lots of story editing.

The writer switches from first person to third person, then switches to large bold font, then back again. I gave up after the second page. There's no need for the main character to have a brother who was an "Airborne Ranger." The author should delete this version, make some necessary corrections, then resubmit the story. Until then, two stars.

Boring rant about unrealistic woman gone wild. Cardboard characters and a paint by numbers plot.

Good for first , but a bit over the top , with ex forces , she's broke no car, never dated again ? She's pretty fit , guys will still flock . Just don't go over top next time , life is not like that.but keep going

Call me crazy but I liked it. Before I continue let me just say that this is an absolute fantasy. A true work of fiction.

That being said, the cheating cunt deserved all and more for what she did to her loving family. Maybe shipped to a Somali pirate ship to suck and fuck constantly. Maybe do a bestiality sex show in Tijuana. You get the idea. The asshole Kyle got what was coming to him. Fucking prick.

Most of you anons think too much. Get too picky. Accept this tale in the spirit in which it was written. Extreme revenge on a cheating cunt. Oh well.

Five Stars

a closet cuck for sure, but not crazy, no way

ticks all the right boxes for a 5 star closet cuckold story - sorry HDK, it doesn't have to be good or even coherent anymore, just pass the purity test

The revenge was so cliche and (I felt) out of line for the crime she committed. Also, what about all those people in Times Square? They have no connection to the wife and yet they have to have their New Years celebration messed up because of the husband's need for revenge?

The epilogue was so cliched and naive as well.

That commenter did not state it was impossible, just a stretch.

That story of yours has many problems that have nothing to do with whether a devoted wife might cheat. Keep taking writing advice and doing the thin skinned snarkiness exercises given you by lordslamdawgg.

Might also want to brush up on primary school arithmetic.

If you honestly don't believe that your story had credibilty issues, not because a wife would never cheat, but due to your scene and character development, not to mention the ''time stood still'' factor, then Kimi1990 as usual was correct!

Oops almost forgot the obligatory...

I am not sorry

My bad

You got a lot of really good advice. Christ, two comments from HDK. I'd give my left nut for just one! S. Brooks always gives good advice, and there are a ton of others. Don't be discouraged, keep writing and trying. I suggest you read some HDK, some Just Plain Bob, and Ohio. Read Jezzazz and SBrooks too. I could go on, there are stories, some real gems you ought to read. Gosh, if nothing else read HDK's "If I Fell".

Jedd Clampett

Fiction? No, it was a fantasy and a bad one at that.

I decided, reading this story, to compare it to Ryan Seacrest. Except for some cringe inducing product placement by Jenny McCarthy for Uber, nary an ad was see, merely Mariah Cary struggling to re-rail her career. Sad.

There is this phrase 'over the top'. Maybe it might help to digest that phrase

Having read numerous of your comments I have noticed your use of ''real world'' to lampoon someone not in agreement with you - especially with regards to cheating wives.

Yet you state in real world no mother would forget to call on Thanksgiving...abandon her child...sadly you are wrong.

True story! Female in mid 30s has a number of affairs while married to 2nd husband. Karma being 2nd husband was one of her lovers while married to 1st hubby. One of her 2nd marriage lovers was her best friend's husband. She and he divorced spouses and got married.

Immediately after that marriage they left Montana for California. She left her boys behind stating she wanted to enjoy her life while she was still young and wanted nothing to do with her sons. They would ''crmp her new lifestyle!''

For the next six years she had no contact with her children. The first Christmas she was gone the boys sent her a card and a present. Both came back unopenef with ''Return to sender''

I have known and heard about a number of females abandoning children for lovers.

Sad but REAL WORLD FACTUAL

All wrapped up with such precision. Unrealistic AF, but tidy.

First, I almost didn't make it the first few paragraphs because the obvious age mistake. He says Annie is 28, and daughter is 7 when the story starts, but says that Annie got pregnant the last year of the MBA program after college. So She would have gotten pregnant at 24 and had her baby at 25? Btw, typically most MBA programs do not take people directly after undergrad and want them to have a few years of work experience first. But will ignore that. So if the little girl was born when Annie was 25 and she was 7 at the beginning of this story, that would have made Annie 32 and not 28 as the story states.

Second, nothing telegraphs that they were behind the hack more clearly than serving Annie the day after New Year's and filing the lawsuit against her company that same day as well. That means they had attorneys preparing the divorce and lawsuit papers before her infidelity was shown on TV. That would have put Jeff in hot waters.

The writing was poor, but what was worse for me is that a great deal wasn't thought out. You can have a well written story (a talent) and/or well thought out story (which takes skill and patience). This story had neither.