by MaxT
But perhaps a bit too beautifully for this site maybe? Subtleness is, unfortunately not always appreciated or even understood. I enjoyed it, even if I'm still trying to make sure in my head that I got it right.
last third of story you lost the thread. Went from a murder mystery (good) to a dream scape? Maybe its just me? Anyway, keep it up.
I suppose I'm too much of a cretin to appreciate it. There were some very nice turns of phrases here, the kinds of comments within the framework of the story that you don't often see on this site, like RPSUCH or a very few others might have written
But: the story just couldn't hold my interest, I'm sorry to say. I was working too hard for too little return on my reading investment.
I think this writer has real potential. But wading through a melancholy but perhaps overly leisurely written story is kind of rainy-day reading exercise that requires more patience than I usually have.
You're Babbling! Calm down! Focus on the story!
I dunno what you're smoking, but I sure would love to get a hold of some. However, I do think you should wait for the drugs to wear off before trying to write anything. Try to remember that, writing well doesn't always make it entertaining, or in your case, half assed comprehensible.
hard to comprehend not only what was happening, but why. I've got to lay out five stars though, and encourage you to carry on.
The writing was good when it was direct, not so good when it over-heated. The writing became a distraction. Too much atmospherics?
Are Babs and Erica having a love affair and this is their way of killing the husbands and driving Max insane?
The tension was too vague. It's an interesting premise. There were too many loose ends for this to be a one chapter story.
It switches from reality to drug induced fog and ends up making no sense...are erica and babs and the black chick driving him nuts to cover up the murder?Is the narrator possessed? I enjoy tales that wander but this made no sense to me by the end,reminds me of the stuff literary critics push as "modern art"For those commentors who claim to know the meaning would appreciate a comment or e-mail via my profile,I am clueless on this one
Guess I am just not sophisticated enough to understand this. Plain talk is easily understood but subtle inferences, innuendo, and ambiguity leave me cold. Very poor imitation of an old Alfred Hitchcock TV story.
You tried so hard. but failed. 'High - brow'? you're on the wrong site.
This was good writing.
Thanks, MaxT.
As for all the negative comments, can't you expand your mind just a little past the Sunday Funnies and the Horoscope?
5 *
I picture a college sophomore in English Lit 101 writing something he thinks is really, really deep. And when he reads it 10 years later destroys all known copies in a panic lest his brother find it and give him shit about it for the rest his life.
Maybe I'm wrong, but as another commenter said, if there is something deep in there, the reward is not nearly big enough to justify the effort to find it.
This is totally off the wall. Is the author mentally ill??? Who's the delusional one? Who's who??? I gotta say I don't get it...
I'm not sure I understand this, but I liked it. There's always room for well plotted, clean cut traditional stories. It's 98 percent of published literature. But there should be room for something as strange as this. I don't know exactly what it was, but it seemed to me a haunting portrait of a mind lost in unreality. I don't know if it would have been better if it had been clearer. a worthy experiment from where i'm standing.
Strange but compelling. Not linear. I'm not really sure what was real, what was not, who he was, who they were, what really happened, and what was happening. I think I will have to read it again, but I'm pretty sure I'll still be confused. I think DQS1 hit the nail on the head.
If DQS isn't sure he understand and don't know why he liked it, for that reason I am pacified that I don't understand it too. It's written in a good style but when the plot seems going to finish there are too many possible options and questions to the reader. For that reason I'm not satisfied at the end. I'll keep the ground idea of this story stored for my own projects. Thank you for that.
Note please: I don't write stories in english ;-)
You don't have any basis to figure out what is going on....is the narrator crazy,or are the wife(babs),erica and the black chick drugging him and trying to drive him crazy to cover up them murdering Harry? Babs is especially suspicios,in a plot like this a psych pro could be the perfect accomplice. And those last words,are they words of love and to whom?There is nothing wrong with non standard writing,but to me this reads more like "let me write this druggie like prose,that will make it really deep".Leaving a reader untethered like this is like the mystery where the writer pulls. some fact out of thin air to show the detective is smarter then the reader for solving it.That said it is well written,I just hope the author finishes it in a way it can be understood in some way;hopefully this isn't one of those "you determine the truth,make your own ending" cop outs.
Maybe it was just too deep for me. Writing was quite good, but I had trouble with stream-of-consciousness thinking, quick scene changes, unclear plot -- maybe that was the idea, the main character is crazy and is under treatment. His ravings are confusing because he is confused himself. One thing is clear, no sympathetic characters in this.
Fun and poetic stream of unconsciousness. Thank you Organ Morgan...oh the cost of snowflakes.
Gave it a one...Why??? Because you can't give a negative one thousand forty-nine...
First, I really did not like any of the characters. Your writing tends to point out each character's weakness first so I never made any connection.
Next, there were silly errors that brought me out of it. You don't have a funeral service at the crematorium. Next, it does not follow that traces of a drug in a bedroom means the drug was in the corpse. You might suspect it if the body was never found It was found and they were able to get an alcohol level on it. Hence, the deduction was seriously flawed. No cop would do that.
By the time I got to the dream sequence, I hung it up.
ttom
Who?
What?
Where?
When?
Why?
I'm more confused than I ever was.
HA