All Comments on 'And Then There Were Two'

That was one of the better love stories I've read here. Ian certainly showed himself worthy and a true man in every way: protective, intelligent and caring. His integrity was amazing, and you even managed to make it believable that he was such an excellent lover his first time.

Another thing I liked was the way you exposed the nasty group dynamics and made us despise them for their behavior. Just to have Ian rise above it and in the end break the pattern, not only for Brooke but the others as well.

Well written too, so a 'high five' from me and good luck in the contest.

Very realistic and interesting

Nice story. I enjoyed the turnaround of the group dynamic. I especially liked that Ian was not willing to be a secret boyfriend. Good job.

Hope to read more stories like this...

to the cruel insensitivity kids can inflict on others

Lots more than just sex, but the sex itself is not up to snuff. For a guy who has had no experience at all there could have been a long, slow, protracted makeout session beginning while clothed and progressing, step-by-step with touching and feeling while clothed then undressing and all the excitement of seeing a bra, then bare breasts, etc. Too quick the way it happened.

Also, 'LESSOR' is the one who leases a piece of real estate to someone else. 'LESSER' means less large, important, etc.

Would like to see more of these characters

I have to admit that it sounded like his sister forced his presence so that they would have somebody to torture . The "kids" were fantastically insensitive. Eric was a fascinating character.

I really enjoyed this story. So many different lessons inside a story. Showing how stupid being a bully is. Making fun of someone's medical condition is childish. The short insert and end of domestic violence. A true love story. Don't judge a book by its cover. The sex is nice, not just hardcore sex its suttle. Also no stupid oversized cocks that so many insert and make their stories ridiculous. Great job.

This was a very deep story. I am furiously opposed to any type of abuse, so your taking a stand on the subject was fantastic. The characters developed very nicely. I would love to read more about them.

i gave it four stars based on story, development and characters, however minus 1 star coz im afraid erotic side was lacking but that doesnt make it a bad story at all. good on your editor too! good luck!

What a lovely surprise! This was the best of the contest I've read. You earned my five stars!

knew this was headed somewhere never guessed where it ended up

Well, no very well done

I liked this story. The way you made the jerks show up was a lesson in text manipulation.

I hope to see more.

HP

Well written but It came across like a plot from Dawson Creek.

The characters were very shallow.

When will part 2 be coming

So utterly CHEESY. But who knows maybe that's what you were going for. I think story would have honestly gone better if brook had drowned. Would've created a much better tragic story.

it appears to me that you have never lost one you love in death if you want to read about such things.Believe me it is not a fun thing to go thru,so is not something that I wish to read.I have read some of those stories here and try to avoid them when possible.To have a story end on such a note is a real downer for me.I'd much rather see the story end in more cheerful note even if it don't reflect real life.

So far, any guy in a story involving sex was a complete asshole.

I'm glad someone put in a nice guy for a change, gives me hope that my gender might not be doomed.

Sex is about love, not lust, in my opinion.

Good job and thank you

I feel that this was very well written. The author used very descriptive words that really catches your attention. Well done!

-Kris8029

amazing

Had me laughing

Speaking as someone who has survived the tribulations of bullying, and has managed to find love once or twice, this story had me smiling, cheering and crying in ways most stories can never even begin to contemplate. Well done. Very well done

If I could give more than that, I totally would. I'm glad Ian's luck turned around so completely. Shame about things not going further with Leslie, though that was the only true resolution that would be completely painless for all involved. We should all be so lucky to have a Leslie once in our lives.

This is one of my favorite stories I read it over n over ty

Is not from personal experience.

Nice coming of age story

thanks.

Very predictable. Pleasant read, but too long

It was as good this time as the other two times I've read it. Disregard Anony Mouse's comment. His taste is in his mouth.

Excellent character development. Inserting Leslie for Ian's schooling was perfect. Ian standing his ground with Brooke about having a real relationship was spot on for this age group. I could give you names of people IRL who would fit each one of your characters. The length could have been a page or two longer if Ian spent more time with Brooke in the water. Editing was very good. Thanks for taking the time to write and share.

Of all the dramatic romance fantasy types, this is one of the more amusing. If this was LW, it might bring cries of "formulaic" but there's a bit of room left before this type reaches saturation levels. Ah, yeah, thanks for writing it. Thanks to me, too. For finding it.

Exceptionally we'll done. Many thanks for writing and sharing. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Well done, looking forward to reading the rest of your work.

teenager fantasy where a loser stops being loser, without changing himself completly

nope, never happens in real life

2starrs

Personally i dont think he is a looser. He is just a guy.

To me, this is more about the change in perceptions rather than the change in the characters. The people are all still the same. How they look at each other and the world has changed. Well, for some of them.

Thank you for the story.

Unrealistic which is fine it is a story after all. What would have happened though was the first days circumstances would have continued and after going home and graduating Ian would have gone to college and moved away then sporadically if ever again would he have bothered to see or even speak to a family that obviously didn’t love him.

Very well written and balanced. Love it. I’ll not be surprised if some of the nasty comments are written by men who bully and physically abuse girls, women or even men. Or maybe it’s ladies who believe being physically abused by a man is OK. So, my message to the author is neglect those and continue to write such excellent stories.

Enjoyable story. Well worth the read though would like a continuation with Ian going back to school.

The second evening.

Given the keys to dad and said take care of your child, she's not mine.

Wouldn't be any worse at home for Ian.

Cheesy, but wholesome. Really great story, and the ending made me smile! 5/5

I keep reading stories of yours and I keep becoming more and more impressed by your skills and excited to read more! Thanks for being amazing!

Sincerely,

AnonJK

WOW. Amazing. This story deserve a sequel.

When he got the keys he should have kept them, slept in the car then drove around town leaving the jerks at the camp the rest of the week.

Excellent story, very well done, sorry I'm 7 years late. Thank you for sharing your story and talent. 5 stars!!

I could only make it through the first page, could not enjoy this at all. Why would Ian ever go in the first place, let alone stay past the first night? As a person who regularly goes camping every year they were also horribly underprepared and that took me right out of the story. Regardless if this story has a happy ending, no person would or should endure that much unless forced too, which he explicitly wasn’t. He should have just taken the keys and ditched his shitty sister the first time he got the chance

Very well written, wish there was a sequel so we could see if the new relationships work out in school. 5*

A wonderful little story. First story I have read from this author, but I am looking forward to reading more.

As to Anon Why would Ian go in the first place?

1) He didn't want to, he was coerced into going.

2) One of the strongest motivating factors in human beings is the need to belong. to a group.

Ian went coz he needed to fit into the group. He needed to be with his sister regardless of how unpleasant it would be.

This need to belong is also tied up with the need to procreate, thus making your own group.

well written bubt not the biggest fan of some of the story decisions

Very Cute!

10/10!!!!!

Half way the story, I probably would be in prison, for killing those assholes...

Excellent story!

I would like one of these stories where the main character is still a nerd, but doesn't just let others step all over him for once

Excellent (5) Romance. I am continually amazed at how man people, instead of being enlightened when they read, try to explain why fiction characters couldn't be what the author presented. schulz777 said that nerds couldn't...(whatever, said with the distain in a teen girl's voice). I was the nerd, topped the high school in SAT, and when I arrived a the number five ranked university, the girls were all over me, like the college girl with the hero. 50 years, many children later, I am still the "nerd" and very happy. People, some of these authors are just plain smart (even if they live in Michigan and don't know a canoe paddle from an oar :) ). Reading should be for both learning and pleasure. Often their fiction, as in this case, is very true to life as others have experienced it.

Excellent story. I doubt anyone is going to read this or react to this, but I will have to mention, you can't see Venus at that time of night, never. I think you mentioned they were gonna sleep in midnight, and Venus can only be seen during an hour or two after sunset or before sunrise. And if this is summer, even the Orion is not gonna be visible until near dawn.

>>> silly teenager fantasy where a loser stops being loser, without changing himself completly. nope, never happens in real life, 2starrs

I am guessing the person who wrote this was a teenage, when they wrote it. He was not a loser. He was bullied, but he was not a loser. Once high school is over, if you go to college, you will find things can be different. The academic work is more difficult. Many are taking on debt to be there. Many that did not give a shit about academics are not in college. People start to grow up and act more like adults. What sepparated people on high school does not seem as important, and in your major you likely will find your tribe. For those who are not off to college, but entering the working world and possibly trade school, things also are changing. It is easy to be popular on campus,but work is different. You may be an apprentice carpenter, learning a skill. You will be low person on thr totum poll. It doesn't mean you will be treated badly, but your genius workers will have expectations. You working hard andvdoing your best will be important to how they see you. Your 'peers' at work will not be other teenagers, but of all ages, married or not, childless or not, and may have tears in an armed service. Everything changes. Who is 'cool' is no longer who can get their parents to buy them nice clothes, or who as a letter om their jacket. Cool becomes the solid friendvand worker, who can help keep a 12 hour day upbeat, even as you are all busting your asses. As an adult, being a hard worker, standing up for others, being a reliable friend, and having a good sense of humor, that is not based in bullying, is what will help you make and to keep good friends. That and the occassional responsible night of drinking and poker, or watching a football game, or swapping Magic cards, are all you need. When you are 53 like I am, no one will give a shit is you like nerd crap, or geek crap, or sportd crap. They will care if you stand up for their love one, when they are not around, and if you got decent beer or brought Bud Light.

"And they would have to get through Eric and me first"? LOL I don't think anyone is worried about the wimp who gets bullied the entire story and never stands up for himself. Except to a girl of course. MC is a clown

As If a cast-iron bitch would ever change that quickly....

Very nice story. If you ever write a sequel, you should focus on Isabella finding love with another nerd. It'd be pretty to sweet read.

If the author reads this, please write a sequel with the/new relationship(s) in school, new beginnings and all that. This definitely needs more! 10/5 stars

Nice !

5/5 stars !

No real obstacles, plus guys in high school, and especially ones who have been tortured, teased, and bullied for years, are this well adjusted. He was the least believable of the characters…

Still, a decent read - I enjoyed it.