All Comments on 'Angie's Forbidden Sexual Adventure'

Like all of us, sometimes we are so anxious to submit we don't always re read what we've written. Please don't take this as a bad comment, only as a suggestion. I love the sex, the concept and the small tits. If there is a follow on, it would be interesting to know if Dad's a single father or not, seems like he is, if he is,, then the relationship with the daughter's friend is easier to broach with the daughter. Thanks for the story I look for more good things

I just Love it I whould love to hear if you two got toghter over the summer and if she come wih you when Kelly went back to school !!!

Loved it !!!! Ithink it time for them to have some summer fun !!!!

.. it was written by a high school senior... Could do with some editing. Otherwise not bad for a first timer

But, the English is wanting:

Flaxen = Flacid

Shutter = shudder, etc.

Horrible grammar fairly good sex scenes nice first attempt overall c+

Thanks everybody for your comments, I will take some writing lessons, if anyone would like to proof read my work next time contact me and I will definately give you credit and would appreciate the help, maybe it would help me to be a better writer.

great story line but i agree with some others - your grammar was not very good. let me make one suggestion - read your next syory out loud and see how it flows. that make necessary changes.

great first story, i loved the story and can't wait to read a sequal.

more please

Look forward to you continuing this saga!

You truly need to invest in spellcheck and or a professional editor. A potentially hot storyline, utterly destroyed by horrendous grammatical and spelling errors. The inconsistencies and choppy storyline makes this a chore rather than a turn on to read. Truly a shame.

please write a sequel!!!!

"I dressed myself and extracted from the bathroom" extracted?? maybe exited?

"I am going to put my clothes in the lower draws" draws?? maybe drawers?

"She turns around and looks at me for a second" Your use of verb tense is confusing and annoying. You jump from the past, "am going" to the present, "She turns around and looks"

"If your cold put some clothes on" your?? you mean you're as in you are. Spell check won't catch mistakes like that.

These examples are only from the first half of the first page.

I loved the idea of the story, but the dialogue was brutal, my friend. No one, and I mean no one, talks so stiffly (no pun). The dialogue was so unnatural it almost seemed like it had been poorly translated from another language.

You might think about reading your dialogue aloud. I think then you'll understand what I mean.

Don't listen to them, I loved it. Every author makes a few mistakes.

With the exception of the typos, I have to say I ABSOLUTELY LOVED reading this!! Probably because the character Bobby just seems like he would be the PERFECT lay! 😉😍 His style of fucking is everything I like and would get off on.. You, my dear, need to continue with a part two of this story ASAP!! 😉😘

I will echo @NastyBabygirl69, great lead up, great plot, great dialogue, all good enough that the typos were not TOO distracting Thanks Bobby.