Annie Fucking Oakley

Lisa and Jimmy were crying and begging while Annie was using all seven dirty words George Carlin used to talk about in all kinds of interesting ways. Finally she stopped and pulled the hammer back.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! GET BOTH YOUR SORRY ASSES OUT OF THAT BED AND GO DOWN TO THE GARAGE, RIGHT FUCKING NOW. AND DON'T TRY TO RUN OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BALLS OFF."

Annie walked them down to the basement. She refused to let them get dressed. She seemed detached.

"Open the garage door."

They started to complain. It was cold. It was raining. It was still daylight. It was a mistake, they were both sorry.

She walked up to Jimmy and put the barrel against his balls.

" If you don't open this door by the time I count to three I'm gonna pull the trigger. It doesn't have a bullet. What it has is a double charge of powder and about an ounce of rock salt. Probably won't kill you unless you bleed to death, but if you have any balls left at all they'll be useless. One. Tw-"

The garage door flew open. She smiled.

"Now I'm gonna give you a chance. I'll count to five. When I get to five I'm gonna shoot you in the ass. If you run fast enough, in this rain, you'll get just a dusting. If you're slow, or slip, rock salt will be dissolving out of your ass for a week. Oh, and by the way, I'm filling for divorce. Now, let's just see how good my aim is without the bitch pills."

He started apologizing, it was a mistake, he stilled loved her.

She smiled. "One."

Sheer terror gave him speed. He was flying down the sidewalk while she counted.

"Two. Three. Four." BANG!

His scream was unreal. She had hit him dead center in the ass. Doc thought she might have underestimated the power of a double charge of powder.

She looked over and smiled at Lisa.

"Why aren't you running , bitch? One, two....