All Comments on 'Another Life Online Ch. 01'

For anyone who is worried this story will be replacing The Deal there's no need to be concerned. This story was simply another idea that came to me so I decided to start a second series. The chapters for ALO will be shorter so that I can publish them more frequently while The Deal will continue to be around 20k words.

PS: Pleaae consider checking out my Patreon the information can be found in my bio.

Sorry, but it just doesn't work for me. The story is 70% exposition, and it's not even worked into the narrative; it's just shoved down your throat. The dialogue feels stilted, and some of the views of smart people that are expressed are just laughable stereotypes - the whole IQ/EQ thing is pseudoscience, and once you get past the CEOs who are "smart" in that they're very driven and possibly sociopathic, most highly intelligent people also have a strong sense of empathy.

The way you've made this socially-awkward, super-genius protagonist just turns him into a caricature, and it turns the story into the literary version of "The Big Bang Theory" - using outdated stereotypes of a 'smart' character to entertain people who make fun of nerds, while completely missing the mark when it comes to making a believable, human character.

I feel like you could do so much better with this story if you step away from it for a while and come back with fresh eyes. Take the time to develop your characters: don't make your main character that level of smart unless you're willing to actually delve into what that's like, instead of just using it as a gimmick. Oh, and for the love of all you find dear, cut the mountains of exposition and work the rest back into the story properly, instead of just dropping it on the reader's plate.

This is sooooo good I honestly didn't think it would be as good as it is but here we are also this Is leaps and bounds better than THE DEAL with that I get easily confused but I understood every second of this it is of my opinion that you should put more time into this because unfortunately I'm a binge reader so I just finished this in less than an hour but a sincere thanks for the great read

found it decently written and thought through, id like to see more of this story as it evolves could be a good one if you keep it within theme of it and maybe get his friend ari to join him in the game to help out more with him comming out of his "shell" ^^

Good to read. First I came for the sex-part, but stayed because the story was awesome and very well written.

I actually enjoyed this allot more than I thought I would. Have read The Deal as well and enjoy both series. The fact that the npc have personality and are not just puppets makes the story more interesting. I hope to see more releases and will check out it your patron page.

Can’t wait for the next chapter. I liked it

Umm, borderline oldschool gamer that did Not spend 24h raising stats at level 1?!

Great story, hope more chapters comes.