by Simplton
I came back to comment when i saw no one had left a comment on Pt 2 after you had asked for feedback...I enjoyed Pt 1 and think it was well written and enticing...I am on to pt 3 will let you know how it goes :)
You have a really good start to a story but there are problems that make the reader hesitate, disrupting the flow of the story. There are punctuation problems, spelling errors and letters in sentences that don't belong there. Check with Literotica to determine if an editor can review the story and republish it.
The story is simply ass(some). I really enjoyed it the way I wanted. Thanks for a wonderful story like this. Do come up with more ass erotica. Good luck
OMG that was shameful!! I cannot believe that I wrote this lol It doesn't even make sense.
Teenagers. lol :P