Applying the Lesson Pt. 02

"Okay, thanks. I'll take it from here. Please go out and close the door."

I put my hand on the back of the weeping woman. "Julia, tell me..."

She lifted her head briefly. "Get your hands off me!"

"Julia, it's me. You can tell me."

"I know it's you, Mr. Farber. He knows it's you, too."

I realized what she was saying, but it was too appalling to believe. "What do you mean? What does who know?"

She lifted her head and pointed to her computer monitor. On it was the image of a cancelled check for five thousand dollars, made payable to a large law firm. In the memo space was written "retainer, divorce." The check was drawn on Julia's account; it was the one she had given that witch at the Balsam Fir hotel, leaving the name of the payee blank.

"We'll fix this Julia, we'll fix it." I knew that was impossible but had no idea how else to comfort her.

She stood up. "I've got to go over to the University. He's got office hours this morning. I've got to get there before he leaves." She picked her purse off the floor. "Drive me. I don't want to waste time parking, and you've got a faster car."

We hurried out the front door. My stomach lurched when I saw the same tall, blond, athletic looking young man who had sat near us in the café a few days earlier. He was on a bench, seeming like he didn't have a care in the world. I didn't say anything to Julia.

I have a fast car, a powerful Mustang, but I'm not a fast driver. Julia kept on urging me to hurry as I navigated my way through downtown traffic towards the highway leading to the University. I stopped outside the Management Building. She ran out of the car.

"Should I wait?"

She didn't answer. I decided to give it half an hour.

She didn't need that long. After maybe fifteen minutes she appeared back on the sidewalk, looking dazed. People stared, but nobody spoke to her.

"Julia!"

She didn't notice me. I jumped out of the car and led her to the passenger seat. "Talk to me."

Julia turned a tear-stained face. "He's gone."

"What do you mean? He's dead?"

She shook her head. "When I got to his office there were men packing up his books. His nameplate was off the door. I asked the department secretary where his new office was. She told me she had been instructed not to tell me anything."

"That's not a difficult problem. We can give some student five dollars to ask."

"No!" she screamed. People looked, to make sure she was okay. "He's divorcing me because of my tricks. No more deceit!" She took a few breaths to compose herself. "I begged the secretary to tell me something. She had pity, saying that he doesn't have a new office, that he's taken a leave of absence. The only way to reach him is through his university email address."

"Did you try phoning him?"

Her face lit up. She pulled out her cel phone and dialed his. After a few seconds I heard a female voice from the speaker. Julia frowned

"Where is Dr. Anderson? I need to speak to him."

More female voice.

"It's his wife calling."

Julia listened intently, hung up the phone and broke down. I decided to drive and headed towards the highway, heading away from town. The motor roared as I accelerated to merge into traffic, and Julia looked up. "No, no. I have to be home for Sasha and Tanya, if not for Thomas."

"Who answered his phone?"

"An answering service. He's forwarded his number. He left a special message for me, to call him only if it's about the children. The service will notify him immediately and he'll contact me."

"Screw them. Screw him. Call, tell them it's about the children, and when he calls you back, insist that he come over to talk to you."

"You just don't get it, do you? I've lost him through sex and deception. I'm not going to get him back through deception."

I looked at her.

"And certainly not through screwing other men."

I put my hand on her thigh. "I'm sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen." She made no move to remove it.

"I'm taking a few weeks off. I've got to put my family back together."

"Julia, I know this is stressful, but you're part of a team at work. We can't function properly without you."

"I'm part of a family."

I took my hand off her leg. She was right. She needed her husband more than she needed her job. Certainly more than she needed me.

"I hope I'm still part of a family. Oh God... what have I done?"

"We did it Julia. I take responsibility for my part."

She glared at me. "Fuck yourself Malcom, with your high and mighty attitude. You're not the one who fucked around on her spouse. You're just another guy, who wanted a nice piece of ass. My ass. I fucked myself by wanting to give it to you."

I pulled up a few doors away from her house.

"It's too late for that now. No more deceit, I told you."

I pulled into her driveway. "Give me your car keys. I'll have someone bring you your car later today."

She dug in her purse and handed them to me. "Give me a couple of weeks; don't contact me. I have a hard job ahead of me. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Good luck, Julia. If there's anything I can do to help, you know where to find me." I started to back out, but an old Chevrolet pulled up and parked blocking the driveway. The athletic-looking blonde guy walked up with an envelope in his hand. Julia watched him from the doorway. This couldn't be good.

"Julia Anderson?"

She nodded.

He handed her the envelope. "You've been served."

Julia was back in the office a week later. Her hair wasn't done to it's usual perfection, there wasn't as much makeup, her clothes weren't as well pressed. I went over to her desk as soon as I saw her. "Talk to me."

"What's the topic? Have we come to a decision about the mine investment? Any other projects on the table I need to get up to speed on?"

"I'm glad to see you, but why are you here? You said it would be at least a couple of weeks."

"I work here."

"Stop playing games with me, Julia. Talk to me about your family, talk to me about your husband."

"Those are not your concern, Malcom."

"I'm very concerned. I'm with you on this, Julia. I'll do whatever you need."

"Thomas is gone. We have a preliminary separation agreement. He's suing for a divorce on grounds of adultery."

I flinched. "Is he suing the company?"

"He says he's holding it responsible, but not suing."

"What does he mean by that?"

"I don't know. He's going to be traveling a lot in the upcoming months, so I have to finish all my work before five, to be home for the kids."

"No strategy meetings, I guess."

She gave me an angry look.

"How can I help, Julia?"

"We were fine as long as we were business associate, Malcom. Not friends, not friends with benefits. Let's keep it at that."

"Of course. How are your kids—"

"Business associates don't discuss their families, Mr. Farber. Maybe if we behave like business associate I can put my family back together."

"Of course, I—"

"That means I don't want to discuss my family with you. Got it?"

I sighed. "I get it," and left the room.

It took a long time, but Julia slowly returned to her old self: the razor-sharp mind, the perfect hair and makeup. Her clothes were neat, fashionable, and a little more daring than in the past. I never asked about her family, but in little snippets of conversation, it was clear that Thomas was no longer part of her life. It was also clear that she desperately wanted him back. My love life consisted of dates with different women, mostly set up by friends or relatives. I was enjoying sex with a variety of good-looking ladies, but there was something incomplete about it. I mourned for what Julia had lost because of me, I mourned for what I had lost with her.

On a Thursday morning I overheard her tell her secretary that her kids were with her in-laws for the weekend, and that she was going to spend a quiet weekend by herself. I waited till she was alone, and then put a hand on her shoulder. "We haven't discussed strategy in a while, and some of our decisions have not been that good. Is it time to resume?"

There was anger, there was sadness in her eyes as she turned towards me. There were tears. "I, I don't know. Is it cheating? We're still not officially divorced; we're going to court in a couple of weeks. I don't want to prejudice my position."

I sighed. "You have to ask your lawyer."

"Yes, good idea. 'Hello, Daniel. I need some legal advice. Is it okay if I fuck my business associate before the court appearance? Yes, I'll probably give him a blowjob too. I do swallow. You also want to fuck me? Well, speak to my cunt's booking agent.'"

"You could have just said 'no,' Julia."

"Sorry. It gets to me, constantly."

"Mr. Farber, Mrs. Anderson?"

"Yes, Anita?" I was surprised. Our receptionist rarely left her post at the front desk.

"There are two gentlemen who want to see you right away. They say they're from the Securities and Exchange Commission."

"Oh shit."

Julia looked at me, saw the terror in my eyes. "Call our attorney. Have them send someone over immediately."

Thus began six months of the worst hell of our lives. The FBI arrived shortly after the SEC, armed with a search warrant. Julia and I were charged with felony insider trading, and as a consequence she was in jail when her divorce hearing took place. She was allowed to be present, but in her orange prison jumpsuit. Her husband got full custody of course, as well as child support. We were released on bail after a few days and eventually acquitted. I was hurt, my reputation damaged, our company in tatters. Julia was destroyed.

I had to take her in. The legal fees, the child support, everything drained her bank account. Everything drained her spirit. I put her in my guest bedroom and assured her she could stay as long as she needed. I made no move to comfort her physically.

My income had dropped dramatically, but I had deep reserves. As a single man with a paid-up house, I had minimal expenses. My worries were mostly about Julia.

She got an email from Sasha. They were living in Dallas and wanted to know when she was going to visit them. She replied that she was trying to save up money to buy a ticket. Sasha told her to take a bus, because she wanted to see her sooner rather than later.

That gave me an idea. I got Thomas' email address from the University and told him that Julia wanted to spend a long weekend with her children. At the same time, I wanted to talk with him. His reply was terse: yes.

I told Julia she was going to see her kids for a long weekend and she started to bawl her eyes out. I put my arms around her; she turned to kiss me. When I told her that I was driving her down, she panicked. "What if Thomas realizes I came with you? What if he finds out that I'm living with you?"

"Honey, You know Thomas is married to Dale, the hotel clerk. He's happy without you. You have to let yourself be happy without him."

I thought she was going to explode, or maybe have a nervous breakdown. She sat unmoving at the kitchen table, staring at me, then staring at the table. I finished sipping my coffee, wondering whether her razor sharp mind was falling apart. She finally looked up. "Take me to bed."

I helped her up and guided her towards the guest room.

"No. Take me to our bed."

When I had given her the news about Dale I had expected Julia to break down in tears. Now it was me doing that. We went to bed and made love, pouring into it the many months of sadness and frustration; even of terror. We both cried, we both kissed, we both felt fulfilled. We weren't friends any more, we weren't friends with benefits, we were lovers. I wanted to make it more than that.

I rented a suite for Julia and her kids at a hotel near the Anderson home; I got a room at a hotel across the street. She was out with them for the day when I sat down in Thomas Anderson's living room. Dale had gone out in advance of my arrival. That was thoughtful; seeing her would have been too painful. Maybe she wasn't such a bitch after all.

"Thomas, I—"

"Dr. Anderson to you."

This wasn't going to be easy. "Dr. Anderson, I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did to your wife and family. I have no excuse for my bad judgement. I apologize nonetheless. I want you to know how much I regret my actions, and I understand how much they hurt you and Julia."

He got up, poured himself a shot of bourbon and sat down. He didn't offer me any. "You're right. I won't ever forgive you." He got up and poured himself a second shot.

"I'm here to beg you to forgive Julia. She's broken by the destruction of her family, she's broken by what she did to you. She cries constantly for her children. You have to allow her to move on."

His icy blue eyes, his detached demeanor ripped at my hopes. "No."

"Come on, you know that you were lucky. If the SEC charges had come a little earlier or later, she'd be the one with custody. I'm sure she would make it easier—"

"It wasn't luck."

I gaped at him. "What are you saying?"

He smiled, stood up, and poured me a drink. "I'm not saying anything. I don't believe in luck. I believe in data. There's a soul in the data, you know. A soul looking for justice."

I wasn't interested in his New Age business gobbledygook. I didn't dare speak, because there was an evil demon somewhere in the soul he was describing. I had to protect myself from it, I had to protect Julia. I shook my head at the proffered drink. "Thank you for your time, Dr. Anderson. We'll be in touch to arrange more visits with her children."

"Anytime. The kids miss their mother. When they're off school they can come for an extended visit, maybe spend the summer. They need her, and I need them to be happy. That's all I'm willing to give the former Mrs. Anderson. Not forgiveness."

I drove my rental car back to the hotel and walked by the front desk to the elevator.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Farber. Welcome to the Colton Hotel Dallas North."

I almost fainted. Dale stood behind the front desk, a big smile on her face. She ran out to grab my arm before I collapsed. "Come, sit down." She guided me into a seat and had someone bring me a glass of ice water. I sipped it slowly.

"What do you want from me, Mrs. Anderson?" I hated calling her that.

"You had me completely fooled back then; I really thought Julia was Mrs. Farber. I pride myself on being able to judge people, and each time you and Julia stood before me, I felt that you were a couple with a deep, loving connection. When I discovered that she was married to Professor Anderson I wondered how I could have been so wrong. But I wasn't. You two did have that bond; it was masked by her connection to the man I now love."

"It was more than a connection. She was married to him; they adored each other. At each step of our misbegotten relation, she professed her love for her husband. Are you saying it was a lie?"

"No, but I am saying she had strong feelings for you. Otherwise, whatever happened wouldn't have happened."

"Why are you telling me this? What am I supposed to do with this information?"

"I'm guessing that you went to my house to apologize to Thomas, and he told you to go to hell."

"Not in so many words, but yes."

"You begged him to forgive Julia so she could move on with her life, and he refused. Right?"

I nodded.

"My husband can be a cold-hearted asshole when he's after something, like revenge. Or as he calls it, 'justice.'" It eats him up till he gets it. He got a portion when Julia came to court in her prison jumpsuit. You gave the rest to him today by giving him the chance to refuse to forgive you. He's free now. He'll always have a place in his heart for Julia, for the years they had together, for the mother of his children. He's not going to hurt her anymore, but he's not going to free her. She has to do that herself, with your help."

"How?"

"Change your misbegotten relation into a better kind of relation."

Dale must think a great deal of herself. Is she a therapist now, that she can condescend to Julia and me like this? She won; she has Thomas, and it seems she knows about his stunt, whatever it was, that landed us in jail at the crucial time. "I don't know what you mean by that. Why are you doing this, Mrs. Anderson?"

"The last time we met you expressed dissatisfaction with my service and wanted to complain to management. I'm trying to remedy your complaint. I want my clients to be happy."

I wanted to smack her in the face, but that wasn't advisable. I stood to go to my room.

"Give us enough notice, and I'll try to talk Thomas into coming to your wedding."

"You've..." I stopped speaking as I tried to figure out what she was talking about. "Oh..."

"There's a great jewelry shop in the strip mall a couple of blocks north of here. They have a good selection of rings. I bet you she'll say 'yes.' You really ought to ask."

Julia did say 'yes.' Dr. Anderson grinned, Sasha and Tanya scowled as she walked down the church aisle towards me. The Best Man kept passing me tissues to wipe my eyes. We had done wrong, made terrible choices. We paid for them, Julia paying the most. Although she could never be free of what she had done with me, she was back now. She was happy. We were together.