All Comments on 'April in Texas Ch. 11'

Not piling up many "H"s lately and that may be a signal for you.

His non-punitive reaction and your stated reaction of having fond memories of super cuckolding him are disgusting to most semi-normal people but exciting to you?

Hmmm not puzzling to you though eh. Look you can write for yourself and the few others who need abnormal freakie people and attitudes - it is a choice isn't it. Just don't expect voluminous accolades as only the few need it.

Kind of a waste of your talent for so few in retrospect eh. You know you can do better than this.

I saw this story (part 11) and for some reason, unbeknown to me, decided to read this part before I read the rest.

But, the way the husband acted (charging them with date rape) didn't seem to fit her actions from the beginning of the story, so I went back and read part 10.

I gotta say, no it didn't do it for me. I was done reading the story by then.

The wife in this story wasn't date raped or forced. She willingly did and enjoyed her gangbang. She was aware of everything she was doing, and in part 10 seemed to greatly enjoy it. She wasn't enough out of it that she wasn't smart enough to think "Wow it's 5 "AM" and I need to back to my room after being gone for over '6 hours' from my husband on our vacation." And in part 11 she even tried to deceive her husband before he told her he knew everything. Just because she didn't actually "speak" any words to LIE, doesn't mean she wasn't trying to lie to him. Deceiving someone into thinking something happened differently than it actually did is lying too. And she pretended being sick so he wouldn't notice all the sex she had been having. She even said this at the close of part 10:

...What fib could I possibly come up with to explain my all night absence?.....

She fully intended to lie her way out of it. And started laying the ground work soon as she got to the bathroom of the room. The only reason she didn't was he told her he already knew where she was and what she was doing and that he saw the tapes to prove it. She already started, just didnt' get to finish it.

And then you had the husband catch and confront her after her 6 hour romp (both the hot tub and the Hotel room) and he goes "Well I'm not a jerk, so I'll take you back home and we'll all just pretend nothing ever happened. After I force them to destroy everything they have on you. Then we'll live happy ever after". Huh??!?! That didn't seem to match the character you created from what I read in part 10. Maybe he was a voyuer who got off on being a Cuck and watching his wife ganged, but I didn't read parts 1-9 so I don't know. I dispised both charaters so much I really didn't care to read any more.

Uhhhmm, you know I can't really say (save for almost every story I read on this site) that any man on vacation finds out his wife is the willing participant in a "gang bang", and that not only is he not invited too it, but everyone where he's staying "but" him knows his wife is up there getting all the sex she can handle, and after a couple days he's ok with it. Where they show him tape of her willingly fooling around on him in public and if he waits a couple days can see how willing she was in the hotel room.

But I do agree with Anon, if you want to write for you and not for a readers (save those few stroke folks), that's ok and your choice too. A lot of the writers here do that. Just don't be surprised that not many folks are going to love the story. Cheating wives is one thing, but consistant storys of cheating wive's who have husband who send them out to get it out of their systems is another.

But if your wanting to write for the readers, please don't dig the wife in such a big hole that it doesn't logically make sense for her to climb out of it and walk away totally scott free. And that's what you did here. You had her shed a few tears, say how she was so sorry, and the husband instantly forgave her (or thats the way the short story read here).

Most of the readers are going to dispise the wife for doing something like this to a really caring husband in a story. Enough to really really dispise the wife. But making him take her back immediately after this completely destroys my (or the readers) empathy for the husband, and by the end of the story almost all of the readers end up hating both characters equally and feel they wasted their time reading a story where a wife (or husband) is out screwing over the other mate who is sitting waiting for them, unaware their mate is out gangbanging the night ways for their own personal pleasure, and by the end of the story that person has had absolutely no concequences at all happen to them. At absolutely very least she should be tested for every STD known on the planet. But not in this story. In this story husband can't wait to get back in bed with her and pretend it all never happened.

But if this was just supposed to be a 11 part stroke story, could you do some of us a favor and put that in the header so we know not to expect much in the way of a plot? I don't say that to be mean, but it cuts down on frustation for both parties if both of us know what to expect going into a story like this.

-Risq

I think that Risq who is a very astute reader should have read the first 9 chapters. He would have known that the couple were not married but have lived together for 10 years. She had been married several times and had several long term relationships but this 10 year one was the longest. I'm not fully sure why she went off the deep end in chapter 10 other than she may have mental problems. Her "husband's" actions were merely damage control to protect his own reputation. The last few sentences seem to foreshadow that this relationship will soon be over, too.

Boyd

But after parts 10 and 11 I'm not sure I can make myself read 1-9.

But to be fair I should do that, I probably will later tonight.

It just seemed that this ending was on of those "Hmm, before I get busted let me think of a good lie here so I can get away with the fun I just had" moments that always ends up with everyone seeming to live somewhat "Happy ever after" by the end of the story.

But as far as the ending I'm not sure:

...But the remaining time spent living with Louie, in his country house with his sons, that will need to be detailed in different volumes....

It does imply that they might not still be together, but it also gives me the impression that after this it was something else that broke them up besides this, something to do with "sons". And this was major enough as it was.

Well, I'll take your suggestion and read the other 9 chapters, but since I already know the ending I'm not sure if a good story with a bad ending will make me feel any less about it. But I won't know till I try (^_^)

-Risq

I don't mind the criticism, but I do think that it's misplaced if offered by anyone who hasn't read the rest of the novel. Chapter 11 is but a few throw away paragraphs that winds up a trip to Texas that actually happened a few years ago. For someone to read only chapter 11 - and that means you Risq - and to comment that there is no plot or character development, that's bs. How can you write that there's no plot in a story that you haven't read?

Hey, you don't even allow contact from authors on Lit, no one can even send you an email, and to date, you haven't posted a single story. Nothing. Why don't you write something, and let me critique your work? You know why? Because you can't write. And to rate my work a 'zero' shows only jealousy on your part.

........and I have mine. I'm just sorry you got pissed at me expressing mine. I never attacked you as a writer, just pointed out what I couldn't grasp in the story. But after reading as far as I did from the begining of the story I fully understand why I wasn't a fan of chapters 10 and 11.

And I'm sorry if explaing why upset you, but to use your reasoning:

I guess when you go to a resturant, or to McDonalds, you never ask for anything to be made any different than you get it? You never ask for a certain type of dish do you? Everything everyone gives you, you take the way it comes right? Of COURSE you don't. Sure you might be paying for food there and I'm not paying for anything here, there is still a basic rule at work here. It's called a "preference".

That mean you know what you like and you don't like. Same thing applies to reading a story. I don't need to be a "writer" to know what I like to read. And if your suggesting that I can only have a preference if I'm a writer, well again thats your opinion of me. Short sighted, but still yours. I'm sorry you only want to hear good things about what you write and not honesty when someone doesn't. Well now I know.

But I digress:

Boyd I took your advice. I *tried* to read it all. I couldn't. I gave up right before chapter 5. Here's why I quit:

Ch. 01 - I didn't think this chapter was bad, but seemed strange for both of the main characters to act like it was no big deal to be watching two strangers having sex without even knowing them. But hey that's me. As far as the story went it wasn't bad though.

Ch. 02 - Ok, I started having problems with part 2. Lets see Sheryl, strips in front of Lamar (a man she has a history of doing exhibitionist stuff with), but does it while Louie is out of the room so Louie won't notices, complain or say anything. I mean Louie doesn't even know she's doing it. Well that's kinda inferred he doesn't. That bothers me royally, but it does start to set the stage for chapter 11.

Ch. 03 - Ok, but to be honest this one that really was the start of what gave me the royal creeps.

First we find out that Lamar is a pedophile. Sorry, but that's what you call someone that likes to watch 14 yr old girls in the bathroom, at a nude beach, and when they bathe.

Second we find out his wife of 5 yrs is perfectly ok with this behavior for those 5 years. Say what? Maybe thats why she's ok with items 3 and 4.

Third we find out that Lamar is a closet Cuckold who gets off on "reverse" control. Basiclly long as he can control his wife, who's she with, how she does it, and get pictures he is ok with letting her lover(s) appear to control him. Oh and he has to be there for it. And she has no problem with doing her daughters ex-boy friends during these times.

Fourth we move on to finding out that Sheryl has done a lot of things in her past to get ahead and have fun. The majority of this she doesn't want to be remotely known by Louie, so that allows Mindy to blackmailed her into letting mindy give her a blowjob, immediately followed by Louie gettting his blow job from Mindy, and all while Lamar is taking pictures of it all.

Makes one wonder what the heck Sheryl was doing at Lamars direction for him or his friends (and a few items and "people" on her own) that she is willling to allow this because she is so scared that if Louie finds out what she's been up to he'll run for the hills. And it seems strange that Louie just takes it all in stride without looking back too.

Ch. 04 - Hmm, first Sheryl goes on about how bad her past was and how ashamed she was of it, but once Louie lets her know he's not going to leave her its off to the races agin. I mean she later takes off her shirt (all with Louies basic approval) at a store so she can give a feel to a grocery store clerk, but that's not enough because she then strips off all her clothes to give him a better look, starts giving him a blow job and then to top it all of Louie waits for her to finish so he can break off his piece in the Car with her right after she's finished leaving the grocery clerk hanging with a half done blow job.

Nice couple we have here. And I revise my opinion of chapter 11. They both deserve each other.

Ch. 5 - Ch. 9 - Just couldn't do it. I was done at at this point. Totally and completely done.

Ch. 10 - Read earlier today before I commented now. I found it hard to believe, before I read the first 4 chapters that I did, that someone going on about how loving her husband was (and a common law husband is still a husband in the eyes of the law) and how much she loved him how could he take her back. After reading the first 4 chapters he fully knew what she was up to, what she was doing, and what she was capable of.

Ch. 11 - Well you can read my comment below, but heres what doesn't make sense to me, if Louie knows about her and he knows her company already knows about her (based on what Mindy said to both her and Louie at her house), how the heck can he, as a lawyer sue a website for posting what she willing did and was doing in public? Have I missed something?

SLC-Ohio,

I'll say that I'm honestly sorry that I didn't like your stroke story, and I'm sorry that's my opinion of what all this was. All that means is that it wasn't for me. I still feel there wasn't much in the way of a plot. There was lots of "Sex" and descriptions of all the "attractive" people they ran into, and I'm sorry but to me that is a stroke story. And for me personally not my cup of tea.

I'll appologize for reading first the last chapter of the story before I even read the begining. Had I actually taken the time to read Chapters 1 and 2 I would have seen that it wasn't a story I would normally read and would have kept you from getting so pissed off at me by my comments. I tried to read up to chapter 5 at Boyd's suggestion, but even then I should have stoppped. At chapter 2

Again, I don't mean this as that your a bad writer, just what you choose to write here was not my cup of tea. I don't read Horror stories or romance novels for the same reason. Not my cup of tea.

-Risq

Which I think means "don't let the bastards get you down." Use "Loving Wives" and deal with the blow-hards like Risq who mistake Lit for a pulpit.

Score is for the whole story. You were making an enjoyable road story ( plot not important, just evolution of characters) but you cheated at the end. Almost like you forgot what your point in writing was all about, and got bored with the story. Crammed a square peg into a round hole and said "finis." You needed to give us more of Sheryl that is consistent with the first 9 episodes. Getting fucked by strangers is not.

And don't ever tell us when your true stories have false scenes and endings. You will need to work long and hard to regain your credibility.

Most comments seem focused on the technical side--style continuity, etc. I read more from an emotional side, looking for a link and reality; you struck home in a lot of ways. I'll need to read 10, but yes I've read some of the other chps, but not all.

Sheryl, you deserve everything you get. If this is fiction, you can't write very well. If this is fact, you are one sick puppy.

Jen

I am rating this a five simply because I think this is a good story. Could it have been written better as some have said. Probably but certainly not by the guys that are shooting the bullets at the author of this story. You don't like the story say why explain how to make it better. Give constructive criticism instead of sarcasm.

I actually managed to get all the way through. Combine a thin skinned author with a poorly crafted and not believable scenario?

Yea, it's a 2.

writers. She protest about readers being listed as Anonymous simply because they didnt register an assume an anonymous nick. I am sure SLC-Ohio is her real name and if you looked it up in the phonebook you would find her address and phone number. The woman described in this series is a jaded slut bordering on whore who demeans herself and her husband in every possible way. Her descriptions of Texas at best are a narrow minded cliche filled bit of nonsense. I like the comment about half mexican brats with a blonde mother, was that discrimination or was it just one slut trying to demean another? Having been all over Texas, never once saw a sign warning of snakes ( most intelligent people dont need one) I will note that even the smaller city of San Antone beats to death most cities in Ohio. For her to feel hurt or to hurl comments at her readers who comment show the same lack of feeling and reality that the woman in the story shows. Could this story have been written better and less caustic, hell yes. Do you think this writer could have done it?

the fact that he is the biggest wimp since Matt Monroe or the fact that she got gangbanged and he stayed

so why did he keep the slut grow some balls toss the bitch

Risq 001 pretty much nailed it. Enough that I didn't need to read any more of the story. I've found that sometimes the comments are better than the actual story, as they give a great insight into the story. I'll admit that I only read chapter 11, although I thought about reading chapter 10. Still unsure if I'll even bother to read it. Don't get me wrong, the writing is very good, but I'm just not into cheating wives or cuckold stories. Others might be, so you might want to write for them. Sorry, but it's just not for me.