All Comments on 'Ariana's Dirty Mouth'

Well-written as always. Are you planning a sequel ?

The build up was exquisite, the action descriptive, and the ending sublime. I truly hope you do a sequel. 5 stars, because more isn't an option.

I find your dialogue to be very push-pull, and in consequence, the story doesn't flow.

What a twisted ending! Please continue?

What can I say? Five stars. Nice work :)

Love to see the next chapter. Will he have them both? That I'd like to read.

You exaggerated Damien's reluctance to such a degree that he became a silly, annoying parody. Ariana was certainly hot, but I give 2 weak stars for 2 unnecessary pages of Damien's shocked "gasps," "grunts" and "groans."

A slow beginning and a very twisted end! You wrote a a very nice story - not to "fuell the hand" (so to say) but it was real fun to read this story. Oh... and what will he do ?

I've read all of your posts; in my opinion, you're best yet.

Oh my freaking god, keep up the great work. I had a serious boner the whole time. It really kept me on edge throughout the story!. Truly wonderful writing.

What a build up, and what a filthy mouth.

I'm out of breath ;)

I agree with Caveccat12401 the repeated guilt trips and reluctance by Damien was well and truly overdone and really spoiled an otherwise good story.

Yeah, in addition to the guilt trips and his lameness, theres the even more annoying glops and glurbs and gomms and blarbs and gurgles and other weird shit that sounded like some weird, twisted version of willy wonkas chocolate factory, lol.

Really though it was worth suffering through because I just loved that nasty, naughty girl, hehe. Here's the twisty part for me though, I wouldn't have held off fucking her because she was my step daughter, I prolly would have been turned off by her fucking herself with that monster knobby dildo. It's one thing to get to fuck a tiny, skinny thing with a tight pussy, totally different thinking about fucking her when you know her twat's been gauged out so she still has wiggle room for a porn star!

Very well done. Quite erotic

The constant flip-flopping between differing thoughts/point of view was just off putting. At one point he's screaming outrage at his (step)-daughter talking dirty whilst at the same time, touching her up. A lot of the 'manipulation' by the daughter was really obvious and cheesy one minute, acting like she was a blushing virgin one minute, then a wanton harlot the next. You need to establish a character and their behaviour and stick with it otherwise the reader will just get confused. If you want their character to switch then it needs an event or reveal, some kind of realisation for the reader.

Also some of the descriptive words you used were so strange, you're using words like "gurgle" and "burble" to describe someone talking, whereas these are usually used to describe a non verbal sound. Usually, if referred to a person it would be a baby making random noises or someone in distress uttering something that didn't come out as expected. A watery, liquid filled noise, as if some kind of fluid was obstructing their throat or mouth. I could forgive it if it was once or twice but I noticed the use multiple times in differing situations and for no apparent reason. There are plenty of other ways to write "they said" that would actually convey the speech within the scene; For instance you could have, uttered, breathed, shouted, exulted, muttered, mewled, keened, squealed, hummed, rattled, sighed or groaned. Take your pick.

I'm going to do pretty much whatever I please, of course! Why are you here, ex-wife? Why don't you just go home and console her ex, before She presses stalking charges against him. Ariana will sort out Ariana. ;)

Loved the story!! All the goofy words were a little weird, lol. Gobbed gommed and a bunch of others I can't remember hehe. And the dude makes more comical faces, yeesh! Gaping, croaking, gawping, and such, lol, the dude couldn't lie convincingly to a five year old, much less a wife, and heaven help him if he ever tries to play poker, hehehe!

Would be fun to have a second chapter! He tells the ex to piss off, daughter moves in permanently and brings her bestie friend over to play with her daddy! Hehe!

I'm gonna keep hammering your daughters cunt every night until she wants to move on. What do you care? We've been separated for months now and the divorce is almost final

A surprising plot twist at the end. Absolutely didn't see that coming. Nice touch!

how much that big ass dildo was bigger than anything human, I would have thought fucking her would be like fucking a boot. Not gonna happen. In the end he gets screwed more than once.

I really liked this story. Your writing style is interesting. Plus, sometimes the "story" just drags on, for some writers - as it can often take too long to get to the sex part. Sometimes I give up on some stories because the whole thing gets rather boring. But, I really liked the way this story progressed. Actually, I wish it would continue. But as you wrote it in 2016, I suppose there will be no part two. Anyway, thanks for writing it!

Don't know why the image of Kenzie Reeves came to my mind ... :-)

Hi Geronimo, would you please give me a chronological list of the "Damien" series of stories? I have my hopes up for a surprise pregnancy. I definitely want to read the entire series! Thanks in advance for a great time!

@4avidreader - there isn't any timeline. i only wrote that one scene.

You can't stop now.