As You Wish

After she handed him his portion of the tips, she asked, "Can I give you a ride? It looks like there's frost."

Luke was sorely tempted to say no, but the cold was something he really detested. He'd spent far too much time in his life being cold. "Thanks."

Cassie smiled at his acceptance, "I'll just go and warm up the car."

The roads were slippery and Cassie drove with extreme caution. She couldn't afford to damage her car and the balding tires made maneuvering difficult. Luke could see her hands gripping the wheel tightly, stressed, and he felt bad for adding to her drive.

"I can walk if you want," he offered.

"No you can't," she eyed his clothes, inadequate for the freezing weather, "but could you just talk to me to keep me calm?" Cassie asked. She knew he didn't like to talk, but the roads were making her exceedingly nervous.

"So, chemistry, huh?" Luke asked. He had no clue what to say.

"Uh, yeah." Cassie supposed he has seen her books when they studied.

"Why?"

"I want to help people, develop medicines and cures. Make people better."

"Noble."

"Why psychology?" she asked, remembering the giant book he was reading.

"Social work, actually. Psychology is just one of the required courses."

"Oh. Why social work?" Cassie was surprised, Pippa's information had been correct.

"I want to help people, keep kids out of bad situations, make things better."

His answer mimicked hers and she thought he might be teasing, so she tried to tease him back, "Noble."

He smiled, happy that she'd caught his joke. He looked at her, but her eyes were fixed on the road ahead, still worried. He went back to talking, for her, "Not really, more like self-serving. I want to keep kids from having the childhood I had. Protect them." Luke was surprised by the admission. Something about Cassie made him say things he never talked about. Although the government was paying his way through school, as they did for all wards of the court, he never brought up how he was raised.

Cassie knew well enough not to probe Luke about his upbringing. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable, so she let the comment pass without questioning, although the questions were there. "That still sounds pretty noble to me, brave in fact," she responded quietly, truthfully.

The back end of the car fishtailed slightly as Cassie rounded a corner. She was driving slowly, so it was easily corrected, but she was still thrown. He could see that her anxiety was growing.

"Take a deep breath, Cassie, you're doing well." Luke realized that the longer she had to drive the more apprehensive she became. "Remind me to walk next time."

"No Luke, this isn't your fault. I was supposed to get new tires, or at least used ones, but I had to spend the money on an alternator instead."

"Why do you have a car if you can't afford it?" He hoped his question didn't come off as rude. It sounded more harsh than he meant.

"I can't have school without the job, and I can't have a job without the car. I can't walk home from the diner at one am by myself. Plus it's my grandma's and she gave it to me, so I'd feel guilty if I got rid of it."

"Fair enough. I wouldn't want you walking home, either. Where do you live?"

"I have an apartment over by the Snappy Convenience in one of those old walk-ups." Not too far from campus, but the other side of campus from the diner, and a good 10 minute drive from his room. Not great for driving in this weather, especially since she wasn't confident on the slippery roads.

"Roommate?" he asked.

"No, it's a single."

"Where does your family live?" Cassie was unsure where the questions were going, but Luke wasn't one for frivolous words, so she answered.

"A small farming town about two and a half hours from here."

"Oh." Luke was worried, but said evenly, "You need to call me then, when you get home. To make sure you're okay."

"It's not necessary. I'm sure I'll be fine," Cassie said, not too convincingly, as she skidded up to the curb outside Luke's place of residence.

"Call anyway. But don't rush." Luke grabbed a pen from the console and wrote the number for the payphone in the hall outside his room on a piece of paper he tore from the tips envelope. Handing her the paper, their fingers brushed for a second and Luke started from the contact. He quickly climbed out of her car and slammed the door behind him, careful not to slip on the slick walkway to the front door. He watched Cassie cautiously drive away.

Twenty-five minutes later, Luke was pacing the hall outside his room. He was chiding himself for not getting her number to call in case she'd forgotten, berating himself for worrying, angry with himself for caring. This was not in his plan, she was not an option for him, and he was definitely not getting attached, involved, or in any sort of complication, no matter how nice she was. He was not a nice boy and did not have a nice life. Finally the phone rang and Luke was flooded with anger, relief, and embarrassment. How could he be so worked up over someone he barely knew? After this call, he would avoid her, he didn't need this kind of trouble.

"Hello?" he barked into the phone.

"Luke?" Cassie said tentatively, softly, unsure of the angry voice at the other end.

"Yes." His voice was calmer, but still tight.

"I made it home okay," she offered.

"Good."

"Good night Luke, and thanks."

"Good night Cassie, thank you."

Cassie listened as Luke hung up the phone and sighed. She was sure he was angry with her, but not sure why. Either way, his kindnesses earlier had been touching—the food and talking in the car. He had to know she would never breathe a word of his confidences to anyone, besides who would she tell? The people in her program were mostly students with enough money and a secure enough upbringing that Cassie couldn't relate. That's not to say there was anything wrong with her parents, they loved her very much, but they didn't really understand her need for higher education. They both lived simply in the town they'd been born in, and had never really gone anywhere. Mr. Martin worked at the same job he'd had since high school until the dairy closed last year, and Mrs. Martin worked in the local high school in the cafeteria. Cassie's success in school had been a pleasant surprise for them and they supported her as best they could, but they didn't really get it. After Cassie's father got laid off in her second year of school, Cassie's grandmother moved in with them, effectively taking Cassie's room, further highlighting her separation from her family. She loved them, but home wasn't home anymore, and the small town a few hours away was stifling.

The next few weeks were strange. Cassie could feel Luke pull away, even though there hadn't really been a closeness per se. He still acknowledged her presence in the library at what she'd come to think of as their table, but what little conversation they had ended. When they worked together, he still made her a meal, but didn't eat with her, nor did he accept her offers for a drive home. She didn't say anything, just treated him the same as normal, but it did bother her some.

Luke on the other hand was bothered all the time. He wanted to be rude to Cassie, he wanted to push her away, he really wanted not to care, but he did and it irked him. He longed to touch her again, even for a second, to feel that spark, that vibrancy, that current of life well through him. Although he was driven in his classes and worked hard at his job, Luke was going through the motions of having a life without really having one. He was experienced, far too experienced for his 22 years, but he craved a different kind of experience, even if he tried to keep that want hidden. Far too many times he'd worn his heart on his sleeve when he was young and it only resulted in heartache. Cassie had cracked his carefully cultivated shell and it pestered him. She pestered him simply by her presence, but he couldn't say anything, couldn't be purposely mean—it would be too cruel and she didn't deserve it.

Cassie couldn't afford to go home over Christmas. The car repairs depleted her funds for a bus ticket, the bald tires made the drive too treacherous, and besides, she could pick up extra shifts, even if the diner wasn't too busy. To save money, Cassie had taken to walking everywhere except when she had the late shift, and one day on her way to school, she passed a craft sale where elderly ladies were hocking all manner of knitted goods. The weather had turned and more often than not, the frost was staying, so Cassie purchased a woollen hat and scarf. On a whim, she also got a hat for Luke. The lady who sold it to her reminded Cassie of her grandmother and when she told her so, the lady gave her a good deal. "I'm sure you know someone who could use this," she'd said. "Please take it." Her paper thin hands pressed the cap into Cassie's hands. Cassie wasn't sure Luke would accept it, but she knew it was needed, especially when he walked home after work.

On Christmas Eve, Cassie handed the hat to Luke wordlessly, his tip envelope inside. She was already wearing her coat and hat and was out the door before Luke could refuse. Staring down at the present in his hands, Luke could feel his chest tighten and he closed his eyes. This wouldn't do, wouldn't do at all. But he still put the hat on and wore it home, after closing up, warmer than his usual trek.

Christmas Day was depressing for Cassie. She opened the presents her family had sent, then called them to wish them well. She attended a church service just to pass some time, then returned back to her mostly vacant student building to read a novel and watch something online.

Luke had somewhere to go at Christmas—not family, but the most stable person in his life for the past 18 years, his caseworker, Bryan's house. Bryan and his partner, Steve, lived in a better part of town, and had no children of their own but the ones Bryan had through work. On Christmas day Bryan and Steve did an open house inviting any or all of the kids Bryan worked with over the years. Luke had gone every year since he turned 18 and aged out of the system. Until then holidays had been somber affairs at the various group homes and foster families' houses where he resided. Luke hadn't seen his own mother, except in passing once or twice, since he was 15 and she'd been sentenced to her last stint in prison. Petty theft, prostitution and drugs peppered her arrest reports, finally ending her attempts to regain custody. Sadly, it was those attempts at custody that made for such a tumultuous upbringing for Luke. The first foster home had been heaven—a family who wanted him, loving, caring, stable, and willing to adopt after Luke had been with them for six months. As a six year old, their house seemed like a miracle; clean clothes, a bed of his own, food to eat, hugs. Luke loved them. There were no drunken boyfriends, so bugs, no screaming, no painful punishments, no drugged out adults forgetting he was home alone. But when his foster family tried to adopt, his mom refused to give up parental rights, still hoping to regain custody, so Luke was moved so that he wouldn't become too attached to the best home he'd ever known, the family he couldn't have. Bryan was just as heartbroken as Luke and had cried when he had to remove him from the home and take him to another foster home. Bryan was the one Luke called when the second home withheld food, when the third home hit with a closed fist, and so on.

Luke took the bus across the city, passing neighbourhoods he'd lived in and ones he hadn't, until his stop in a fairly middle class area near the edge of the city. He knew his appearance in this suburb would attract attention, so he took long quick strides across the lawn and up to the door. The neighbours wouldn't mind seeing him at Steve's place because Steve was a cop.

"Luke!" Bryan embraced him at the door and led him into the house, arm still over his shoulder. "Look who the cat dragged in, Steve!"

"Hey Luke! How's everything?" Steve shook his hand firmly.

"Okay." Luke gave a shrug.

"No date?" Bryan asked.

"No," Luke answered a bit too harshly.

"Ahh, but there's someone in the running," Steve raised his eyebrows. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"No one." Luke's face flamed, "She's no one."

"Everyone is someone," Bryan scolded warmly, "including you. Now let's sit down and have a visit."

They talked for hours, Bryan and Steve's being one of the only places Luke felt comfortable. There was no need for pretense here, they knew his life and accepted him as he was. Luke was forever grateful for Bryan's presence in his life and he was one of the reasons Luke even considered going into social work. Other former foster kids came and went throughout the day, a few with families of their own, but Luke stayed the longest and helped clean up afterwards. While they were doing dishes, Bryan broached the subject of Luke's mystery girl again.

"You can't cut people from your life because you're afraid of caring, Luke. And you can't always control who you care about, either."

"I just don't know," Luke passed Bryan a plate.

"Well, if I didn't care, I'd be a terrible social worker. It's one of my biggest strengths, but also one of my biggest weaknesses. I have to care—who'd take care of my kids if I didn't? I just have to be prepared to be hurt sometimes, too. The same with Steve. He sees a lot of bad stuff on the job, but he has to care to be effective."

"There's a big difference, I'll care about those kids."

"No, there really isn't, there's no question you'll care about the kids, but" Bryan said with a sigh, trying to make him understand, "you have great gifts within you and you need to share them with someone besides the kids you'll be working with. You can be their support, but you need someone for you, too. I love my job, but without the love and support of Steve, I would have burned out a long time ago."

"Maybe," Luke remembered the sadness in Bryan before Steve came along.

"Look, I'm not saying this girl is your one true love or anything like that, but for you to even let her in enough to consider her she has to be pretty special. Don't cut her out before you even give her a chance."

Luke hung his head guiltily, "You know me too well."

"No, I was you, remember? It took me a long time to let Steve in and I could have saved myself a world of trouble if I opened myself up a little earlier on," Bryan insisted gently.

"I'm not promising anything, but I'll consider what you're saying," Luke gave Bryan a guarded smile.

"That's all I can ask for," Bryan threw his arm over Luke's shoulder for a bit of a hug, something he felt Luke was strongly lacking. "Does this mystery girl have a name?"

"Uhh, Cassie, she's just...just someone I work with," Luke mumbled.

Luke considered Bryan's advice for awhile. He wasn't one to act rashly, it was one of his strengths. He considered the advice when he watched Cassie serve coffee. He considered the advice when she came to the window to pick up her orders. He considered the advice when she came into the kitchen to eat her meal.

"What's with Luke?" Pippa asked the night before New Year's Eve. She was back in town for a shift, then parties tomorrow.

"I don't know what you mean. He seems the same as always." Cassie responded with a level voice. She'd actually noticed a change, too, but didn't want to mention it in case she was wrong. She thought she could feel his eyes on her more than normal—not that it was unwanted.

"No, he's not. I can't place my finger on it, but I think he's staring over here. I'm going to find out." Before Cassie could argue, Pippa was off on a mission.

Pippa marched over to the pick up window swaying her hips in a seductive manner. "Hi Lukey," she purred, "how were your holidays?"

"Fine, yours?"

"Oh, you know, always a party in the Brookmeyer household. Mom got drunk, Dad screwed his mistress—you know how it is," Pippa said flippantly with a wave of her hand. "How about you? Parents treat you well? Santa brought the requisite piercing? Get laid?"

Cassie could hear Pippa's side of the conversation and was appalled. She knew Pippa was just joking around, but didn't she realize that not everyone's life was so cut and dried? Parents? Presents? A home? All things Pippa took for granted and threw in Luke's face.

"I said it was fine," Luke scowled and placed an order of fries with gravy at the window.

"Hmm, so you didn't get laid?" Pippa continued.

"No." Luke said flatly.

"Want to?" Pippa batted her eyelashes.

Cassie came to the window to get the order for her table and to save Luke from Pippa's harassment. "Seriously Pippa, leave him alone. Maybe you're not his type."

"Honey, I'm everybody's type," Pippa said with a laugh, "Unless of course you're gay, Luke." Pippa walked her fingers across the shelf of the window towards Luke.

"Not gay, Pippa, just not interested." Luke turned away, disgusted by Pippa's callousness.

Sure enough when Pippa left at the end of her shift, she insisted on stuffing his share of her tips into his pocket again, and again, shorting him by at least five dollars. Five dollars was nothing to her, but to him it was a meal or part of his rent, and he hated that she made him feel dirty to get it. He wished he could tell her to fuck off or go away, but because he needed the money, he let her put her hand in his pocket. It was revolting, really. It revolted him, cheapened him, made him feel like a piece of trash.

He was still thinking about Pippa when Cassie was ready to leave for the night. Cassie had finished clearing and cleaning, had prepared Luke's envelope and wound her scarf around herself to ward off the late December chill when he came out front. He thought she looked really cute in her red peacoat with her grey woollen scarf and hat, and was almost thinking he could act on Bryan's advice. Almost. But Pippa had reminded him of who he really was.

"All set, Cassie?"

"Yes Luke. Here's your envelope."

"Thanks Cassie," Luke said, wishing she'd offer him a drive, but too proud to ask.

"Good night Luke." Cassie was happy that he was wearing the hat she got him. It was a start.

The next day worried Cassie. Working New Years Eve was difficult. The diner closed at one am, earlier than last call at the bars, but after some revellers had already left the parties they were attending. She was working a ridiculously long shift, too, having picked up hours earlier in the day. As a result she was working from one until one. Cassie expected to be exhausted and was happy that she had the three days following off to recover before her next shift and the start of classes the next week. The only good things were the tips should be fantastic and that she was working closing with Luke.

Sal was finished in the kitchen at eight, so Cassie went through her tips and prepared his envelope. Luke tied on his apron, taking over the grill watching the exchange.

"Hey, have a Happy New Year, Cassie," Sal said, giving her a hug.

"Thanks, you too, Sal, see you next year." Cassie gave him a kiss on the cheek, and the older man blushed.

"You save those for your young man, Hon, no use wasting them on me," Sal walked out the back door, counting his envelope.

Luke coloured, wishing it was him that was receiving Cassie's attentions. Maybe tonight he'd get the nerve to say something, do something? After all, there was the countdown at midnight. He could see she was tired, so he decided to prepare her something special to eat. There was usually a lull at around nine o'clock, the time Brenda, the other server tonight, was off.

Brenda nodded bye to Luke, leaving him a few scant dollars on the table, then pulled on her coat and left. She had three kids at home and a babysitter to pay, so he was fine with it. About five minutes later Cassie finished refilling cups, served the last current order, and checked out and bussed four tables before coming into the kitchen to sit at the table. Luke placed a plate with a salmon steak and house salad before her, as well as a strawberry-banana smoothie.