All Comments on 'Ashley and Jonah'

Where is the rest of that paragraph from page 1? Stopped reading there, never read your stories before, but going by that it didn't look promising.

So they flow as well as being influential?

Do you edit? Surely if you did you'd notice the glaring errors. I realize this is a free site, but having to correct it through the story takes away from it. Didn't finish, didn't score it.

the plot was good but the typing was not your usual standard.hopefully you will fix it then stretch it and finally repost it.

I liked the plot. Its just your errors and poor story flow hurt a good piece.

I'm not going to gang up on you like the other comments concerning the errors. You did gave a warning before the story.

Like the plot but it was kind of predictable.

I will read whatever you submit so keep them coming.

Loved it. Dismiss all negative comments!

Would love to see a final draft of this story, edited and fleshed out a little bit... seemed kind of rushed... but other than that I loved it! Hope to see more from you soon!!

A few errors but all-in-all damned good. expand upon it, PLEASE!!!!

I'm sorry, yes there were mistakes, but no one is perfect. I enjoyed the story. Thanks for sharing.

i loved the story even with the misspelled words. A good story like that makes the mistakes seem very small. it is a great story and made me wish i had something like that.

That's your opinion only asshole. What others don't have a right to voice their opinion, good or bad? Dismiss yourself and get lost dickhead. Get the message. No comment on story, didn't read it.

I love it but the story does seem rushed, even if it's short. A lot of editing mistakes that kinda ruined some of the feel but nonetheless the story's AWESOME

I really loved this story..there has got to be more..i want more...please please please consider stretching it into something more..

Loved it

the spilt chocolate milk was a cute touch. Why do boys think annoying girls says"I like you"? Lol

This story didn't flow well at all. The structure was messy and the spelling and grammatical errors were rampant. All of these things added together made a story with promise pretty much unreadable.

I thought it was lovely. Thank you explaining the chocolate milk to the female character. I love to read good, romantic, good sex scene; conflict and resolution to an interracial love story.

Write more....camping trip.

I love your stories. Thank you for sharing with us for FREE.

The premise was good but predictable. Despite the warnings you gave at the beginning of the story, it was still choppy and almost unreadable. I am a fan of yours and if this wasn't under your pen name, I would have never guessed that you wrote it. Anyway, as always I'll be looking forward to reading your next post but please don't rush through it like you did this one.

So we as readers shouldn't expect a well written story because it's free? That's silly. I post stories on another website and I'd never post without at least one proof and edit. Sometimes little spelling errors may slip through the cracks, but I'm not going to put anything out there that's not as close to perfect as I can make it. I don't think that's too much to ask of ANY writer.

I agree with you to a point, but my point is the stories are free. So many people don't realize how much work goes into writing. I has age not written, but from talking to the people that do, it's not so easy. So what is the author past a story that is not perfect. It's just that, a story. I've followed this particular author for a while now and I enjoy her work. I will always offer words is encouragement.

A corrected version of the story has been submitted to the site. It's pending and hopefully will post soon. Thank you again for reading and your feedback.

Yes, as you said, this piece needs a little work as far as editing. It was a bit predictable. Not a bad attempt, but sometimes grammar can cause a person to stay or leave a story. I would not read it over again if I had the choice even if the errors were corrected. I prefer more back story, or how did Jonah romance his way back into her good graces and was there ever any other competition for her attention.

I liked this story - it was short and sweet. I do prefer stories with more of a backstory, but this one is fine as is :). There are still typos & grammatical errors present, but not so much as to cause a migraine.

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Yes it was predictable but so what, it was also very enjoyable.

Thank you for sharing it with us

D.S.

A little rough around the edges but cute.