All Comments on 'Ashley Ch. 01'

Great story. Hope you keep adding on to this story.

I hope we'll be seeing a lot more from you in the future, particularly further chapters of this story. You've certainly gotten off to a slam-bang start.

great story! a bit long but great!

I don't think it was too long at all. I really enjoy long stories anyway. You really did a great job writing this out. Very well planned, not giving to much and yet giving just enough. I hope there is more to come.

Baribrother

The depiction of the sister is exquisite; the realism and uncertainty and eroticism of the unfolding relationship between them is exquisite. It was a joy to read every word of it, to savour it all, to feel it build up carefully and slowly and edgily. You have a superb talent for writing these feelings.

Now I want to enter a small complaint: not enough to reduce my vote from 5 to 4, but enough. The surroundings, the house and family, are plastic and Hollywood and perfect. It was painful to read through all this perfection, all the heaped-up waffles and cutesy grins and shining jawfuls of teeth, and I was tempted to skip forward to the sexy bits (which I hate doing; it's disrespectful to a well-written story). You can write so well, but I wish you had made the background more believable. Not a perfect family with gigantic jaws full of ivory teeth and happy sitcom perkiness, but a normal family in a normal house of limited size where not everything works and you aren't blissfuly, blissfully happy all the time. The lack of realism detracts from the eroticism: I can't think that maybe this fantastic story is really happening.

Please, please continue. I think it's just perfect and want to see the relationship continue to evolve. Wish I had a sister like Ashley! (I don't have any siblings...)

Please note that I disagree with the anonymous commenter who said the family was too perfect. Keep doing what you're doing. I can't wait for the next installment!

This story defines the word excellence. I'm usually not one to read long stories due to dryness, I think it has to do with my bad luck at choosing them, but I am very glad I chose to read yours. I was worried during the first massag that the story would be 8 pages of just sex, but you pulled that off extremely well, and your page has been bookmarked so I can come back and keep looking for more stories by you.

And in response to the "Anonymous" post about the family being too "plastic and Hollywood", I'd like to say that I do understand where he's comming from, but on the same token the way this family was written was fantastical enough to be a dream, but realistic enough to believe. (S)He said that they had a hard time believing it. With those words they admitted that they did, but it was hard... Fantasy people believe in. Excellent job.

I hope that people continue to read your works, and you continue to come up with them. A small request if you don't mind. Don't go for the quick and easy stories. Keep up with these.... it'll hurt, but we'll wait.

Untill next time.

Adieu.

One of the best stories I've ever come across.

This story was wonderful.

I loved all the tension and eroticism. I also like the tenderness that you put into it aswell. Its nice when a writer can have the balance and still make it work.

I hope there is a chapter 2 very soon

Great story line. Really enjoyed the soft sensitive exchange of feelings. The story was about the relationship not the sex. Very erotic!

The BEST story I've read to date on Literotica...

Please continue....

This story was great. I hope there is another chapter very soon. I can't wait. This was a great story keep up the great writing.

That was un-fucking-beleivable, to quote the story. That was the best, most erotic story I have read in a long time. I was amazed to find out that you don't have a sister because you captured the brother-sister relationship perfectly. Extremely well done! I can't wait for the next chapter.

Loved every moment of this. Seriously erotic stuff. Please hurry up with the second part! Right, I'm off to ask my sister for a massage...

Only Story I've wanted to comment on!Absolutely fantastic!Mind-blowing infact!keep it up!

Very realistic. That they are both virgins makes it even more so. That their very first taste of passion and desire is so painfully slow, adds immeasurably to the stories enate sweetness. I ache for them. You should be very proud of your first story effort. Well done...

that was redonkulous.

best story of life

Amazing.

simply amazing

Hey great story it was WONDERFUL/EXELLENT/FANTASTIC one of the BeSt!

I've only read the first few pages, and I'm already in love! Can't wait to read the rest over a long/extended period of time!

sigh... i just loved ur story... its masterfully written... and i... i am having a bit of a dry spell at the moment and just really got into the story... i wish i had a similar life... sigh... the story really got to me i guess... thank u for writing this... :)

You write very well. Descriptions, pace, eroticism, and their love for eachother really come through. There are subtle hints of things to come, and I await them with great anticipation. I have been deeply sucked into this story. I hope that nothing bad happens, like one or both of them getting killed, or some tragic betrayal of trust. A few other stories I was engrossed in did that to me. If you do that to me, I will hunt you down and kill you. [Just kidding ;) ]. Seriously, keep up the good work. This is one of the best and most realistic portrayals of a teen male that I have ever read, especially on this site. Fantastic job.

Your writing is awesome :)

I'm only in the first pages, but I can say it anyway.

I especially like the good characters build up and the way you express their feelings.

To be honest I'd have preferred a "more dominant" male, but maybe he will be like that further away, or in some circumstances, i don't know :)

I'm not into incest, but that was surprisingly one of the BEST stories I've read on here, and I have a feeling the rest of the series will be great too. Very well written and all, great job.

beautifully drawn out and so many more chapters to go!! I'll have to pace myself on this one.. but heck.. gotta read chapt 2 now....

WoW just hot, loved it into your 2nd ch see how it goes

as a first read it was good but as a second read there is a lot of things that go against human nature like after they make out in the kitchen the first morning and she says she doesn't want him to change then says she is going to her room to read and listen to music human nature would have him get very hurt that she just blows him off that way and he would ignore and avoid her possibly leaving the house to think please try to keep your stories within the boundries of human nature it was good but she was just too big a tease and seemed very uncaring about his feelings which would have hurt him very much

frikin amazing story ashley sounds so hottt wish she was my sister

This is brilliant. I think the characters are wonderful, and I love that you're not rushing anything between them. Wonderful writing. Can't wait to get to chapter two.

This is brilliant. I think the characters are wonderful, and I love that you're not rushing anything between them. Wonderful writing. Can't wait to get to chapter two.

This is erotic, hot and sweet at the same time. Brian has to be the sweetest brother ever created and Ashley the sweetest temptress ever.

I am digging this so far. I hope it keeps getting better and better.

Man, that is an amazing story. The erotica part is so well written I was hard all though my reading of the 1st part. Except the last 2 pages where the description of her savouring the cum is a bit heavy. My suggestion is not to go too deep into detailing of the taste etc. but at the same time keep up the amazing flow of the story. Am now movinng on to the next chapter, hope it is as exciting as the 1st one.

INCREDIBLE but the only bad thing is how words cannot be used to tell how great this story is.

Yoshi is tough to play though due to his lack of second jump.

They didn't go all the way ;_;

I was really looking forward to that

Simply one of the more believable, relatable stories I've read on here, and I look forward to the rest of the story. This is one of the few long stories I've had the patience to read, and I'm still smiling. Brilliant.

I haven't read a story this good in a while. i was wet right until the end

Thanks for not jumping the gun and having them have full blown intercourse in the first chapter. The slow tease & the akwardness of first sex is far more arousing.

What an incredibly well written story! I found myself lost in it to the point of wanting to be Brian. Can't wait for the rest of the story!!

A bit too perfect, but exceptional story all the same! Keep up the good work!

Sis and I progressed almost the exact same way. We went from masturbating in front of each other to mutual then oral sex and finally screwing. And all the while we couldn't get enough of each other.

One time our Mom left us alone for a week when she went on a vacation. We started screwing like rabbits almost as soon as she closed the door. We did it 7 times the first day. It was right after her period so I could cum in her safely and I must have pumped about a quart into my lovely sister.

BTW we still do it occasionally now almost 30 years later

Gave this a rare 4 out of 5. So far it mainly needs a fuller description of Ashley's POV and her (awesome) feminine charms. The tender romantic stuff is great and the pacing is fine too - just don't forget to describe HER too during the physical encounters. Her feel, her taste, her body and so on.

Can't wait to see how they deal with contraception, privacy, jealousy, etc.

MPP

i scour this site for stories like this, with a slow build up and it actually has a growing plotline unlike most of these stories where one seduces the other and all they want is to satisfy their own urges, you can tell these two are really in love and its not some superficial thing. cant wait to read the rest of this series

This is the first story I've ever commented on, THAT is how good this is. It's got a plot, real affection for one another, it makes me feel really lonely that I can't get into a relationship with a girl (which means you've a fucking awesome writer).

Anyways, can't wait to read the rest of this series. You sir, are an excellent writer.

I say five because the story is noy only good but in a way its teasing the readers as well! This is deffently one of the best of this type of stories I've ever read! Keep up the excellent work!

DAMN I THOUGHT THIS WOULD CONTINUE

this is truly amazing writing. I'm so very glad i found this i cant wait to read more!!!!

And I think I'm going to like it. Incest/Romance are the best stories and this looks to be great series. Looking forward to reading more

Both are great Stories.

If i ever had a sister like Ashley,i'd die a happy man

This by far has to be one of the best stories on this site. The quality of writing is exquisite! When I read most stories I usually just read the erotic parts but with this one I actually read the whole thing. I even read the part were they are in the kitchen confessing their love for each other twice it was so captivating. The build up, the suspense and the emotion in the writing is just to good. Also the part with the back massage before it was very good to, I find myself wanting to read more and more.

Thank you ShiggyMoto for the stores and please keep up the great work. If your not already doing so you may want to look into writing erotic novels I think you'd be quite good at it.

-Benjamin

you really should think about a total rewrite for the series ash is a total uncaring tease and brian is a pussy whipped ass. if brian had any guts after the kiss in the kitchen when she blew him off and went to her room he would have got in his car and gone to college to find a job and a room then only return to get his stuff. as a first read it is ok but sucks when reread that is the real test of a good story is it still good a second or third time sorry but you failed on that.

If it were me I woulda shoved my dick in her mouth the moment she pulled it out. It's a fun story and i like it but Jesus he needs to man up lol. I hope Ashley doesn't start dominating him or something cuz that would be kinda lame :/

wow... just wow. you have an excellent style of writing. i hope you write another story series. this was actually the first story on this site that i've read all of the way through. you actually made your characters come to life, and that is hard to do.

Congratulations on a well-written story. I look forward to reading more series from you, as i have read all of the parts of this series.

Nicole is supposed to be 12, but sounds like a 6 year old, Brian is in his second year of college, but acts like a 13 year old. Ashley acts like a 15 year old. The mother seems to know what is going on, so does the dad. Kind of makes me wonder if they are brother and sister and know what is going on from experience?

What you people don't understand is that this isn't a just story made to get you off, it also is a love story and quite well written. That thing that you call pussy whipped I call love.

well written. sounds like its real and not two horny sibling trying to get in pants before story starts.

Excuse the poor sir below, he meant to say VERY well written

You are a great writer, I would put this story in the top ten. I look forward to the remaining chapters.

So far a 4 out of 5, pretty good and I look forward to reading further installments. I don't think the family is too perfect as one commenter posted, there a families out there that get along well and moms that really cook breakfast. (Shocking, no? Heh)

Another poster complained about the characters acting much younger than the ages posted, i.e. 18 and 2nd year college. I agree. However its not, imho, poor writing skills I think, but probably that the story was originally written with them being younger and the writer *editing* their ages and a small bit of text to make it (the story) fall in line with literotica standards requirements. I see this in a lot of stories on here.

My only complaints, if you want to call them that, are technical; he shot 8 ropes of sperm and her mouth was full. Really?? Not.

He came when she touched him. (Ok possible, but if so its lame)

He was spurting precum. Not.

At least he isnt sporting a 10 inch dick, lol. Otherwise the piece is really well written and i am enjoying the storyline! Keep up the great work!

M@

nice story keep on writing

I rank this as good as it gets.

Very, very well done. If there were any mistakes in the writing, I don't care, it's the story and how well it was told that I care about. That was terrific, don't ever stop adding to this or writing new stories. You are gifted and a natural for these tales of feelings, emotions and every day life. I give this a 10, 10, and a 10. More please.

I love the build up and tension.

"" Then it dawned on me. "Ah crap, what am I thinking? I'm not ready for this. Twenty long years and not a single minute of it went to preparing for tonight. No condoms, no jazz music, no candles, rose petals, or anything else romantic, and not a damn clue on what to do when our clothes fly off. Should I even have a plan for something like sex? I could've at least read some advice columns on how to please my girl. But how should I know I'll need such vital information so soon? Dad, why didn't you teach me the important stuff like how to please your sister instead of that so-called morality and virtue? Oh god, I can't believe I'm stooping so low as to want my father to give me sex advice." It's a bit overdramatic, as I didn't really think all that at the time, but my stress was very much a real danger. ""

@@. That is fucking hilarious!! Doesnt know if shes on BC, does he know if shes had sex before? (Havent read it in a few days) ...candles, rose petals, jazz music? Lol. First time sex, he'll be lucky to remember where his zipper is, hes going to be so stressed out, lol! ...and a guy that age that hasnt read everything about sex that he can get his grubby little hands on?! Lol. I was a walking 'how to make a girl cum' encyclopedia well before I lost my virginity, problem was being with someone enough times to be comfortable and not stressed and just going with the flow (unless asked to do something, very few ever ASK, sadly!)

...ask dad? Buahaha! Id get more help from mom, truthfully! ;). @@

---

"" Ashley leaned forward, her head hovering inches above the tip. It took all my willpower to refrain from letting loose all over her face. But damn, would I love to see her splattered in my cum. I felt guilty for just thinking about it. I revered my sister endlessly, yet the image of her soiled in my cream was all I could see. ""

@@ kinda sad that he has to worry about shooting off without any contact, hell I couldnt believe he came from his sister humping his back! This dude is gonna be the king of the three minute fuck, if he lasts that long, lol! @@

---

"" "Guess it's time for me to speed things up," she said, enclosing her hand tightly around my burning shaft.

"Ah fuck," I yelped. My entire body jumped off the bed.

"Oooh, I never knew it could get so hot. I wonder what it'll feel like inside of me."

That was the breaking point. I couldn't bear the pressure anymore. It didn't matter how tightly Ashley clasped onto my cock, my rush of thick cum couldn't be contained. ""

@@. Aww man! That was just fucking sad ass pathetic! Lol!! I didnt clock watch, but I know my first time having sex I lasted at least twenty minutes without trying, though its kind of vague now. Second time more in the hour range, started in bed on our sides, being quiet since there was someone else in bed with us too, then moved to the next room and I fucked her on the dresser, then moved to the floor, then she jacked me a while getting me close while I took a breather, then back inside her for the final run! Looking back, sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if Id stayed with her instead of screwing that one up... She was definitely kinky enough for me (none like that since) and actually wanted sex as much as I did, which I never seemed to find again. ....damn, I wonder how shes doing these days.... ;) @@

---

"" After she received my fifth, sixth, and seventh rope of jizz, my sister became almost unrecognizable. ""

@@. I call bullshit!! Dude just came, I doubt he had seven shots the first time! Makes for fun writing though, lol. I kept thinking she was going to lock her lips around it, heh. @@

---

"Brian..." Ashley whispered.

"Yes? What is it?"

"I'm tired."

Ashley collapsed between my legs, her head inches from my softening member.

@@. What the hell is she tired from, lol! Figured he would be falling asleep and she would be tucking him in, lol! @@

---

I enjoyed this first chapter and am looking forward to reading the others. I have some imaginings for how this might unfold. And having read your profile, particularly your writing goals, I know it will come out well, regardless.

She is the one in charge.

He almost seems a bit simple.

Any man says he is the boss in his own house, will lie about other things.

He is not simple, look at all the action he is getting. If you would have said pussy whipped at least to some degree I would have agreed. Should I be so lucky

@auhunter

That really is incorrect. It should be if either one isn't happy, then no one is. If you let your wife or girlfriend run you around, then that's on you. My ex tried that, and it was mind numbingly horrible. My current wife and I haven't played those games, and it makes for a much better environment.

The only thing that irritates me more than a whipped man, is a woman that tries to control him by using sex. They both deserve what they get. I'd rather masturbate than deal with the drama and bullshit. If you enjoy being walked on a leash, then I guess that works for you.

And its not even close

This series are so boring, there is very little drama, no excitements, just long day by day life. Boring love story. Don't waste your time. There are not many good long build story on this site, but those good ones usually have bad ratings. And yet this shit long boring story have high ratings? stupid readers, fucking faggots

I though the story was fantastic! There's a million stories to JO to, but this was an incredible "day of my life" snapshot. I thought the characters were realistic and the storyline was intriguing. Those 2 page "I fucked my sister" stories are good for a quick JO but this was realistic and a damn site better than any of those. Keep it up! You are probably my favorite author!

Yeah this was not boring, you build up the relationship so well. Your vivid descriptions of the characters and setting are not a bad thing. It makes the story more immersive. I don't want a story where I don't feel something for the protagonists (usually sometimes I DO give a fuck piece a good rating).

First she wouldn't have just passed out on top of him so completely just from masturbating, there was no booze or drugs, she at best would be drowsy but still quit awake. Add in the fact of rolling her over. Plus it was so stupid that he wouldn't like her fingers........she just finger fucked his mouth and told him to taste her. I couldn't read past that, too unrealistic for me.

I liked the story, I like stories with a build up like this. Something i didn't like though is that it seemed like the older brother was the younger of the two. I understand he is inexperienced and a virgin but, he has lived with and interacted with his sister for years. Yet he consistently stares at her and gets lost in thought, that gets frustrating.

Loved the story thus far. I couldn't stop until I had read it all!!!!!! Great job on the build-up and with the characters. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your stuff!!!!!! Again great job!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im on to the next chpter, this one was already a absolute prize winner. love the slow build up and the development of the characters.

I almost stopped reading this first chapter about half way through because it seemed to be getting boring. And then the family dinner scene and the conversation just simply became "corny" in my opinion. I'm Not a writer and I don't mean to criticize but the conversation just didn't sound like what mature adults would say especially from a Dad. But then the anticipation/action between Ashley and Brian saved it. Erotic without being sleazy. And yeah, Brian's actions and words do seem to be a bit odd for someone who is 2 years older than Ashley. But as the author pointed out, he is shy and inexperienced. They are both learning from each other. Nothing wrong with that. They are in No hurry. I hope the rest of the series is up to par with this one. 5

Okay, I'm not even halfway through this and I'm loving it. If you don’t fuck it up somewhere in the last half of the story, then you're definitely going to get 5 stars out of me. The playful banter between Ashley and her brother feels very lifelike. Case in point, I totally lost it and went ROFLMAO over the following paragraph:

Ashley could barely contain herself. She kept laughing as she spoke. "No way. The things Nicole can do to me are way worse than this." I imagined Ashley strapped down in a Frankenstein-ish castle with a demented Nikky ready to flip a giant switch behind her.

***Please note***

I absolutely NEVER stop reading in the middle of a story to make a POSITIVE comment. I've stopped many, many times and quit reading to make a negative comment before I walked away. That should be a sign for you. I'm returning back to your tale so that I can continue to enjoy your work. ❤ 🤍 💙 🧡

Post Script- I thoroughly enjoyed it. 5/5

Boring. So boringggg

Really slow. why is the guy so scared to take action.