All Comments on 'Ashley's Homecoming Ch. 01'

by papa319

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  • 12 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Awesome story. But i need the rest of the chapters!

Please please please more! Just more! This chapter was perfect

prop69prop69over 7 years ago
Best Homecumming EVER

Good story..Can't wait for chapter 2

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Timelines

I see a huge problem with your timelines. The guy is 10 years younger than his wife and was dating the step daughter mother for 8 years prior and when he had that flashback to when he first starting dating her mother means she was 12 years old when he was sniffing the daughters panties....Can you see the problem I had with this story

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
time lines

i agreed with the time lines comment and that made it hard for me to read but over all it was good just stop and think about the timelines and never bring it up again

teddybearclubteddybearclubover 7 years ago
Totally agree

It was a tough read, but worked though it. Hoping for you to continue. If you're going jump back and forth separate it.

TBC

horny2doithorny2doitover 7 years ago

Interesting story and its a little difficult to follow the story sometimes, But its a very hot story. Maybe, since Lori has had sex with Ashley; she may want Drew to do them both ?? I find it difficult for Lori to not realize Drew can smell both women's scent and then come in a bang Lori hard. This could be interesting. Great story. Please keep going.

papa319papa319over 7 years agoAuthor
timeline

Yeah, sorry it was supposed to be they had been dating 2 years, not 8. I realize the first chapter is hard to follow because I tried to fit as much of the back story in so I wouldn't need to revisit it later.

If I can figure out how to edit it I will.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Great Start

1. Gave you 5 stars for premise and story

2. It's mastUrbating not mastErbating

3. Did they leave her son at the fast food place?

4. Timeline issue makes it confusing but I agree with others that just drop it and deal with it as a done deal.

You write well... keep going

Lee2012Lee2012over 7 years ago
Lot of nit from all,

but when you're involved in the story, it reads great. I used "involved" becaused you get the reader involved in a descriptive manner. Example: Ashley sat in a chair with her right leg on the ottoman and the other stretched onto the left arm. In that position I notice the smell that had me and knew it eas sex..." You get the

picture.

I'm pn a tangent, so short shit...hot ass fucking piece. Sorry for thisspells, dam iphone sucks

Sick job, papa. And sick is good

Lee2012

BobossweetnessfreakBobossweetnessfreakover 7 years ago
I got lost...

The first page was TMI and I skipped it after about halfway through it. But once I went on to the second page, I really got into it. Good story. Hope there will be a chapter 2. Something that won't jeopardize Drew and Lori's marriage. Good job! ;-)

irishmike73irishmike73over 7 years ago
It's not just an empire

Automan: Cheesey sci-fi TV show

Ottoman: A low upholstered seat, or footstool, without a back or arms that typically serves also as a box, with the seat hinged to form a lid.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 3 years ago
I totally agree

Just close the fucking lid, it's not the end of the world

Anonymous
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