All Comments on 'Ashlyn's Revenge'

Please work on your dialogue, and please find an editor.

this is not revenge ! yea she fucks the kid but her sister stil fuck her husband & are getting maried soon she wil have all of his money!

not a revenge story dude also learn to write it was confusing

the plot was great the story itself how it was written that was bad also the ending sucks !! 1 star

Your story has potential, but is very stilted, choppy and "cold" in dialog which made it hard to get into / enjoy.

The dialog is entirely too stiff and without passion.

Good grief. What a whirlwind of disjointed thoughts.

I'll give anything a chance and a good one at that ! - You have created a first for me ! - After 3 years of reading here I couldn't get past the first 3/4 of a page ! - you will need to try and read it yourself after a weeks absence from it, and perhaps you will see what the other comments mean, other than what I have just written I'm just speechless !

Rangie1

I just couldn't get into it with the style of writing used. It was disjointed and clinical i guess would be a way to describe it. It simply doesn't flow for me, and to me that is very important.

Reread your story, slowly, and notice how you jump from situation to situation with no semblance of ending an action before beginning another unrelated action. This is not constant but far too often to allow the story to flow.