Attack of the Heart and Conscience

Forget all the fancy names the specialists called it: there was no hard boner for me. No erections. No more taking charge and either making love or down right dirty fucking that both Vanessa and I had so adored.

As if to circumvent my last remaining hope, we were also told that even the sniff of a little blue pill, or one of its close cousins that now roamed the medical world... and it would be the last thing I would ever experience.

Naturally we were together when we got the news, Vanessa and I. She knew exactly what it all meant. No hard cock for her!

I went into a blue funk for a few weeks, feeling very sorry for myself. I told her I didn't deserve her; that I was sure she would need proper, hard cock and would take lovers. We would have a future that would include her cheating on me to get the relief she constantly needed. I told her I wasn't sure I could accept that.

But Vanessa helped pull me out of it, reminding me we had two wonderful children to live for and I had an adoring wife to look after so... "GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER", she told me. Wow. She never swore like that before.

It worked. It shook me out of my lethargy and helped me refocus on what was important in our lives.

We discovered that I still liked thinking about sex. I also like looking at certain types of porn on the internet; types that I could share with Vanessa in a loving way. Plus... and this was important... Vanessa still was the highly sexed individual she had always been. I think I earned a PhD in pussy licking. I'm sure I could do push-ups just on my tongue... and my fingers developed the dexterity of a concert pianist. Ok, perhaps that's all an exaggeration... but you get my point.

With all the spare time I now had while at home, I was able to research all things sexual and our sessions developed into voyages of discovery. LOL. Our "toy box" certainly was full to overflowing as I willingly explored everything I could to give Vanessa pleasure.

It wasn't all one way. Oh no. Vanessa also became an expert at massage of various types but particularly the erotic kind. See, I still enjoyed the physical touch of my lover. She would also suck my cock a lot, something she had enjoyed doing back in my rampant days. I still enjoyed the sensations now, even without getting hard. In many ways we were closer than we had ever been.

After I had finally accepted how it would be for me from now on, I began to fully realise what Vanessa had also been sentenced to. NO MORE COCK. In effect, she had to share my life sentence.

I felt I had let her down. My guilt began causing a rift between us until my wonderful, beautiful Vanessa, simply sat me down and, while hugging tightly, opened up completely for the first time in our lives. She didn't just tell me... she explained fully how and why she loved me. That she would never leave me. That our family, both her and the children... needed me in their lives.

I had dissolved into a crying mess. She truly loved me... and we could get through this. I was full to bursting with my love for my wonderful wife.

Now, after 5 years, we had come to this.

Could I accept her cheating on me... if it was just this once? How long had it been going on? Was it going to continue, either with him... or others?

I had to admit to myself... I wasn't exactly a saint when it came to cheating. In the first 5 years of marriage, mainly while Vanessa was pregnant with our two kids, I had cheated with one night stands while away at conferences. That was in my initial "work hard, play harder" days and I had blamed the alcohol and light drugs all the broking traders took. I only participated while away but most of the others lived on the damn stuff. Only way to keep an edge, they told me.

When I had my first heart attack I cleaned up my act, gave up alcohol and all social drugs and never looked at another woman again. Well, looked but certainly didn't touch, not even at those strip clubs I was dragged to when we were out of town. I was always the dedicated driver from then on.

So I certainly couldn't play the sanctimonious card.

Back to my main problem. Do I tell her I know... and we then have to deal with the consequences? What they would be was anyone's guess.

Did I want her to tell me in detail all about her liaisons? No, definitely not. It did nothing for me. I never wanted to share my wife and couldn't see myself being involved in any way.

Or, do I keep quiet... and accept the fact that she will need or want... a throbbing cock repeatedly thrust into her hot, wet, tight, tunnel of love. Phew. When it's put that way... I really miss it, damn it. So I could understand her missing it also.

Our strong relationship had everything... except for what I had just mentioned. Did I want to disturb the status quo? This situation could have been going on for months... or even years, without me being aware of it.

Of course, I have been rather selfish. I've only been thinking about what I want... and what I would be prepared to put up with. What about Vanessa?

Did she want to leave me? Go the whole hog and get a divorce.

Did she just want to continue with a discrete affair? Or branch out and have "fresh meat" on a semi-regular basis to take up the slack from our love making?

What should I do? I kept asking myself. I had no answers; none at all.

My mental reflections and deep thinking was disturbed as I heard my wonderful wife coming down the stairs. I looked at her warily. She was wearing a cute short dressing gown that she often wore after a shower. She was truly beautiful.

She walked over to me and sat down on my lap in the lounge chair. Her hand came up and gently brushed away the tears that I hadn't even known were trickling down my face. Part of me noted that the bright red nail polish was now gone.

"Thank you sweetheart," she quietly whispered, kissing my lips and gazing deeply into my eyes.

"I love you very much," she continued. "Thank you for letting me have a fantastic time at that very expensive Spa. It was fantastic but..." she was unblinking as she directed her special message directly into my mind, heart and soul, "now that I've been there, I don't think I need to go there again. I definitely prefer your massages and close attention, my love."

I put my arms around her and hugged her to me. My eyes were filled with moisture and I suddenly could no longer see clearly. No further words were necessary. Oh how I love my wonderful, loving wife.

FIN

...

The life stories from my friends also included ones of the wife losing all interest in sex after going through menopause, as well as many tales of ED by the husband, often as side effects following a downturn in health. Particularly after having to take high blood pressure and heart medications that, while saving their physical life, killed their sex lives.

This story is dedicated to those loving couples who put their problems aside and continued to love and respect each other.

LS