Aunt Meg, Friends & Bozo

"Do women really need to get off?"

"Oh Christ," Val wailed. "What do they teach teenagers in New Zealand? Come on pour yourself a beer while I gargle and return to make lunch."

"Come back topless."

"Why?"

"Because I find your tits er becoming."

"Ohmigod, there may be some hope for you."

CHAPTER 2

Meg met her nephew at the door and smiled, saying Val had called and said he was an obedient student. Well she's a lovely lady. Who is next?"

"Tessa is my choice for your pussy tutor. She loves her pussy."

"Okay. I'm hungry."

"Of course you will be darling. Come to the kitchen and tell me all about it. Now you are not to leave out one a single thing."

* * *

Tessa called Val whom she'd known was first on the list of sex tutors.

"How was he?"

"Abominable."

"God I haven't heard that word since holidaying with my Gran."

"I picked it up from my Gran too."

"That suggests he's from the wilds?"

"Yes but don't tell Meg that. She thinks the sun shines from his ass."

"Oh really?"

They laughed wondering what experience Meg had had with him.

"Tessa I think the problem is he began jerking when a teen thinking of sexy bicycles and has advanced to thinking about cars but no one has ever told him he should jerk thinking about a great rack of boobs. Oh, he calls them tits."

"Oh god."

"He doesn't appear to recognize the purpose for the existence of the female body."

"Oh god a Bozo."

"Yeah I'm afraid so, at least that was my initial impression."

"I'm going to cancel."

"No, Tessa. There's an upside. His cock is rather large with a really bulbous head and the truth is he's a willing learning. I almost offered pussy."

"B-but you never offer pussy to anyone apart from we girls and your husband?"

"I know but somehow Bozo turned into a smiling young prince as he was getting his rocks off."

"So what happened for him to turn down pussy?"

"He ejaculated and end of story. He switched off totally and wanted food."

"God what are they breeding in the South Pole?"

"New Zealand is up a bit from there darling and he told me its not part of Australia."

"Well at least you got a good geography lesson out of it."

"And one of the best titty fucks I've ever had darling."

"Oooh. Bring on Bozo."

* * *

Tessa fingered her pussy watching the guy wearing jeans and a dirty T-shirt and read the wording, 'I'm a 2-minute Guy'. She grinned thinking Meg had taken him shopping. Meg could be such a bitch.

Dressed in a top, tight bra and skirt and nothing else, not even scuffs, she opened the door and said, "Oh hello Tab."

"It's Thomas."

"Oh okay. Ah Tab was my first husband."

Thomas gave her a wry stare. "Aunt Meg said you were intelligent."

Appalled, Tessa attempted to recover. "I was just teasing."

"Oh."

"Come in Thomas. Are you aware why you are here?"

He said accusingly, "Aunt Meg said you were intelligent?"

"Oh god Thomas, sorry. I'm er nervous. You must forgive me."

God where was the Bozo? Tessa brushed a hand across her left breast and Gotcha! Bozo's eyes had followed the route of that hand and stayed where it had scraped over her. "Your tits aren't very big."

Oh god! "Please come in Bo... I mean Thomas and allow me to shut the door."

"I smell food."

Dumbo had said food and not pussy. Tessa ran her fingers used to play with herself as he'd walked to the front door and struck a home rum...

"I smell pussy."

"God you are a fast learner Thomas. The impression I got from Meg was you thought a pussy was for peeing."

"Is it? I thought its main use was for women to jam fingers into."

Tessa felt dangerously light-headed so staggered to the sofa and sat down. "Come over here Mr 2-Minute Man and begin you lesson and then we'll have lunch."

"In that case I'll be a thirty second man and we can have lunch."

A brilliant thought seized Tessa. "Lunch will be served in forty-five minutes."

"Oh in that case perhaps you could teach me how to hold back. I trained to masturbate and ejaculate quickly before I was caught and found I had a safe-from-detection period of two minutes so adapted to that period. Now you women are attempting to unshackle me from that habit and I have fucking Aunt Meg to thank for that."

"Young man I'm sure Meg requires a decent fuck and not just an in and out bang."

Thomas eyed the over-weight redhead. "Do you get fucked much carrying a few extra pounds and coloring you hair that lackluster red?"

"What?"

"Tone up and dye your hair a dynamic red and you'd get more fucks than feeds."

"What?" asked Tessa, appalled. "What on earth are feeds?"

"Meals."

"But I enjoy eating, in fact more than I enjoy fucking."

Thomas beamed at her. "Then let's skip this crap and go into the kitchen and eat."

"No, Meg will feel let down."

"Aw come on Tessa. I won't spill the beans."

"When you try to put it up her ass next time because you still don't know the difference between ass and pussy she'll know you skipped class."

"Oh. You women are so fucking clever. Right, where's pussy?"

"You find it."

"Okay, roll over."

"It's on this side you fool."

"Oh yeah, pussy is on the same side as the tits but your tits are so small I was without twin beacons."

Although by now the young shit was playing dumb, teasing her, Tessa lost it and jamming his head down between her thighs yelled, "Find my cunt you Bozo."

Thomas' body was convulsing and for a moment Tessa thought it was premature ejaculation but then realized he was laughing. She opened her mouth to berate him but instead opened her thighs because he was tonguing them and pressing down to reach the inner thigh as if he knew what he was doing. Obviously his aunt had taught him something.

Seconds later Tessa almost panicked as he pulled her forward and hooked her knees over his shoulders. God, unless that was accidental the fucker was a master seducer.

"Let's take a good look at pussy. My impression from Aunt Meg is you idolize your pussy."

Tessa felt her lips swell in pride.

"Apparently you don't read, garden or watch TV like other women when left alone... you masturbate."

She wriggled to break free but the skinny kid was strong and held her easily. "Get away from my cunt your fucking foul-mouthed abusive wretched kid."

"Kid? I'm going on twenty-two. Your trouble is you're guilty about me seeing these fat rolls around your hips and over your stomach and your fat thighs. Well listen to me. You are not a fat bitch. You're just a little overweight and perhaps if you fucked more, ate less and walked for exercise your excessive poundage will probably go and a more accommodating and appealing body will appear."

That concept amused Tessa. She laughed and that relaxed her.

"Are you going to teach me about cunt?"

"Oh Thomas darling, please. No woman likes to hear the word cunt used. For some even the term pussy is marginal."

"Okay, I'll remember that. What now?"

"Tell me what you see."

"Well as I said earlier that thighs are a big chubby but they are clean, hairless and smell good. I think any guy would love licking them."

"Oh god," Tessa gurgled, feeling all warm and fuzzy, her desire to strangle the mutt being over-ridden by her vanity.

And then another compliment: "You hair removal system appears very efficient and level of hygiene appears excellent because I don't see any evidence of infected hair follicles."

Tessa's renewed temptation to throttle quickly passed and she began teaching him about pussy. The guy seemed genuine about not knowing a woman peed through her pussy and he had no idea about any alternative. His only explanation was he'd known from an early age that women sat down to pee by no one had tutored him pussy was a two-in-one device.

The only highlight came when Tessa invited her student to tongue around her clit. She'd carefully explained it was a highly sensitive area and he was to tongue-tip around it with great delicacy. But Mr Stupid slashed straight across the nub peeping from the clitoral hood. Caught unawares Tessa bucked and almost plastered him over the ceiling... er well he did move a little when caught by her body slam.

"Sorry, did I do something wrong?"

Tessa counted to five and patiently explained where he'd erred and traced a finger over the area where he was to follow with his tongue.

Cunnilingus was a breeze. Tessa was astonished to find his tongue was very long with a tip more pointed that usual so when she finally got his fingers working as well as his tongue she experienced orgasm after orgasm and finally called it a day.

"But aren't we going to fuck?" he pouted.

"No I'm a married woman. That would be adultery.

Tessa thought he was about to cry so with great inspiration grabbed his erection and said, "Come on, I'll fill you with food."

He grinned and followed her to the kitchen like a puppy, even pulling down her skirt that was hitched over her right cheek.

Bozo shoveled down food and talked to her very lively about all sorts of interesting things including his take on America and Americans, what he thought about his aunt and uncle, Val and her.

"Val is okay but I'd prefer to fuck you."

Tessa was awash with that warm and fuzzy feeling.

"Show me your tits."

"No, you don't like them saying they're too small."

"Don't be a selfish bitch, show them to me."

Tessa obediently pulled down her top. Bras were redundant for her.

"Oh just look at them," he cried. "Size is irrelevant. They are puffy with normal size nipples. Come over and sit on my knee. I want a good look at them."

Tessa had become too steamed up to reject that request. So she raced around the table and sat facing him, her top still pulled down. She loved it as Thomas played with her tits and sucked them. She had pulled up her skirt to sit on his knees and now the fingers of his free hand were at her front door, waiting. She pushed forward her hips and his fingertips went into her dripping pussy.

"God you're wet," he said.

"Fuck me Thomas darling."

She straightened to allow him to drag his jeans and briefs to his ankles and then steered in his erection, closing her eyes, mouth open and tongue over her top lip when his hot tongue came up against her tongue and she sucked him into her mouth.

It was sheer ecstasy for Tessa but determined to get the best from the connection she directed how Thomas should act, teaching the three techniques she knew that men could use to delay coming.

They plugged away, Tessa doing most of the work by bouncing, and she kept him on a string. Eventually she tired and said "Now darling' and he shot his load deep into her vagina. Tessa collapsed into his arms and felt him reach over her to grab more to eat.

When he was done the good boy carried her to the bathroom and ran warm water before lowering her into it.

"That's the first real fuck I've had in my life," he smiled and she reached to pull him down and stroke his face tenderly before kissing him.

"You're a darling," she said. "That was the most satisfying fuck I've had for a very long time. You're no Bozo."

"What's a Bozo?"

"A skinny guy who doesn't know how to use his cock."

"Are you sure?"

"Um it's how I'd use the term. Off you go. My husband will be home within the hour."

"Well goodbye dear lady. I'll open the kitchen windows and the door to air the room."

"Bye bye darling boy."

CHAPTER 3

Tessa called Meg.

"Hi, I'm in the bath washing away residue of a really great fuck."

"Ohmigod, how did you manage?"

"Well darling as you know I was a school teacher before marriage. Thomas arrived as a Bozo and left here a man."

"Oh that's wonderful. But I thought you said you'd teach him about pussy but wouldn't fuck him?"

"Well he was abusive about my small breasts."

"Well we all know they are small but the areolas are puffy and..."

"I was determined for him to find that out for himself so I fed him and then allowed him to insert but made sure he fucked like a top seducer."

"Well darling you've have enough of those in your time to know how to make your boobs and pussy irresistible. I'm so grateful. I'll give you your best suck from a female ever when we next get together. I know you had an uphill job with him but it's like nothing Tiffany faces the day after tomorrow. Being faced with ass, probably for the first time, is inviting him to vomit over her."

That evening Meg and Rex took Thomas bowling with their friends Jess and Larry Hoyt who brought along their eighteen-year old daughter who would go to college later that year. Meg and Rex were disappointed that nothing happened between the two kids.

"What did you think of Rebecca?"

"She was lovely Rex, but my mind was on doing you guys playing 10-pin but only Jess put up any real resistance."

"You are very good Thomas."

"Yeah Meg. God Jess has a great ass."

The car swerved and regaining control Rex said hoarsely, "You mean Rebecca."

"Nah Rex, like you my interest is in the thirty-something sect. So do you fuck much away from home?"

The car swerved quite violently. "No."

"You fucking liar Rex. You often come home dragging your feet and I find lipstick on your T-shirt and briefs."

They argued all the way home. Inside the house Meg told him to shut up and not to lie to her any more. So he had two big whiskies and stomped off to bed.

Aroused, Meg pulled off her panties and snarled, "Give it to me Thomas."

"I-I really don't think..."

"Are you taking sides with that unfaithful bastard?"

"Er no," Thomas said, unzipping."

"God, I think it's gotten bigger since I last saw it," Meg said, smacking her lips around it.

An hour later she douched in the bathroom scarcely believing that had been Bozo who'd left her almost legless.

* * *

Tiffany's husband had spent the day three hundred miles away and wouldn't be home till after midnight. She pinned a note on the front door for Bozo, directing him around the house to the pool.

Thomas arrived at the security gate and called out. She used the remote to let him in.

"Oh hi, I'm Thomas. You have an amazing body."

"I'm told you are skin and bones with a delicious cock."

Then Bozo floored her. "Just believe what you are told and in all probability it will prove true."

"Er Meg said you were, er, a rather simple guy."

"Well it appears fraternizing with your thirty-something pals has dragged me out of the Ignorant Ages. Is that the ass I'm going to fuck?"

"Er Thomas. Please slow down. Surely Meg said it was anal education with nothing more than explanations and touching extremities."

"Yes but the challenges for me are to learn and then react so positively that you'll invited me to nail you."

"Ohmigod."

"What?"

"I'm palpitating."

"That augers well for me doesn't it?"

"I-I shouldn't be palpitating at my age. I'm only thirty."

"Liar."

"Thirty-three."

"Liar."

"Well how old did Meg say."

"Thirty-eight."

"Oh god."

"She said a girl needs a bit of age to gain good ass development."

"Oh, what a darling she is. Well pull off my bikini bottom and I'll start the lesson. Have you done anal?"

"No, never."

"What about fingering inside ass?"

"Um, just a little. Little finger that is."

"Well the beginning is a good place to start... kiss my ass please darling, starting high up by my tattoo. That's the boy."

Ninety minutes later Thomas climbed from the pool as Tiffany arrived with the chicken and avocado salad. She gulped when seeing the size of the young man's dangle.

"Stay nude darling. I'll remove my top."

"I must say I like your clipped bush. I'm rather used to them being shaven but that brown mass suits you."

"Oh darling."

"Now there's a rack of delectable tits."

"Please call them boobs darling. Cows have tits."

"Oh, is that why women become touchy when I call them tits?"

"I believe so. Please pour the wine."

Thomas scoffed his salad and then looked at most of the remaining pile on Tiffany's plate so she handed it across.

"You appear to like your food?"

"Yeah, food gives you energy and drives what you do."

"Oh. I virtually live on fresh fruit and salads."

"And don't last long at sex or even shopping?"

Tiffany appeared quite startled. "Yes both tend to exhaust me rather too early for my liking."

"Then you want to have a feed of steak and a plate of potatoes two or three hours before you embark on such endeavors."

"Oh Thomas, you appear very knowledgeable."

"Yeah I learned that during my induction at university. Nutrition classes were compulsory."

"Oh you have a degree?"

"Well sort of. I was booted out for having sex with chaplain's wife and daughter. It was so embarrassing."

Tiffany smiled, "What when hearing those women giving evidence of your misdeeds at your disciplinary hearing?"

"Yeah, they both said I could scarcely be charged with sexual impropriety because I was scarcely docked in both instances when I fired and it was goodnight nurse. So I was thrown out on a trumped up charge of promiscuous behavior unbecoming for a gentleman that was likely to bring the university into disrepute. I was given two thousand bucks and told to leave. I objected so they gave me my BA in history after only two and a half years and not being required to sit my finals. I was pissed off because I wanted a MA but they wouldn't go that far saying it would be academic impropriety. I ask you, where are we with morals today?"

"Well you should count yourself lucky. You could have gone to jail."

"No way. It was that fucking mother and daughter. They lodged a complaint initially to my history professor claiming I should be tossed out of university for being sexually incompetent and that complaint led to that more serious charge. I'm telling you, going to university is not like a walk in the park as perhaps it is in this country. The irate Rev. Smith petitioned unsuccessfully to the Senate for me to be hanged. You'd think by his irrational behavior he wasn't getting it from his wife and daughter and became insanely jealous."

Tiffany suggested, "Or perhaps he had higher standards of morality than you do?"

"Oh yes, why didn't I think of that?"

There was a lull in conversation finally broken by Thomas. "You have given me all the theory about anal sex. What now?"

"You get experience."

"How?"

"I don't know. Return to university."

"That's unfair."

Tiffany sighed and said, "Yes I was. I'm such a bitch. Oh very well, come over to the couch."

And that's how for the first time in his life, Thomas got his dick into a woman's ass and Tiffany took him through it slowly until he was into it up to his balls.

Thomas left after a shower and kissed her ever so sweetly, saying he thought Tiffany was the most wonderful woman in the world.

"Er come back inside Thomas and have dinner later," she cooed. "We'll find something to do to pass away the time."

"That's very sweet of you Tiffany. You are such a gorgeous woman. Unfortunately I am due home because we are dining with Jess and Larry Hoyt and their anemic daughter Rebecca.

"I suppose Jess told you her daughter was lesbian?"

"No, why would she do that?"

"Well you've had sex with Jess and she'd be..."

"No I haven't."

"But I thought you were having sex with all of Meg's female friends?"

"No, only with those whom she calls the inner sanctum."

Tiffany flushed with pleasure. "Ohmigod, just we who are the elite."

"Yeah, she said you have the widest rectum so would be good for me as a novice."

Tiffany lost her color and appeared to wobble. When Thomas gave her a final kiss she appeared rather breathless.

"Please don't worry Tiffany. The outside of your ass is smaller than most women and I'm pleased I had you for my inauguration because it had to be a big one to take me up to my balls."

Tiffany grabbed the gatepost for support as Thomas rode off on Meg's bicycle.