by mollyj
Learn, the, proper, use, of, commas. They intend a pause.
The other comment was right on.
Your use of commas is atrocious. I didn't read past the 5th paragraph because of it. It might have been a good story. Get an editor on here and you might have something.
Just constructive criticism.
Stick to what you seem to have pendent for. You are clueless about incest. If an Aunt and Uncle did this in the real world they would be in jail.
but way too many fucking commas, supremely hard to read with that many commas.
not an incest story..strictly BDSM..i agree stick to those kind of stories..this story had no hint of incest
wonderful story ... now if I could just find a girl like ellen
I mean, commas are intended to indicate a brief pause in a story, so why pause in the middle of a sentence for no good goddam reason? For example:
"He put his, new found wealth, away."
Or, "He voted, 1 star, because the author, sucks dawg's balls, at writing, erotica."
I very much enjoyed it. I have a bit of a spanking fetish, which is how I found your story.