All Comments on 'Average Joe Ch. 02'

longwinded

Great 2nd part. Well done POV of her side.

Nice to read the story from the point of view of the woman. Thanks DG

hope you keep the story going, enjoyed the female view

Story is just beginning to unfold. Please give it a chance. I wanted you to get to know a little about the characters and what happened in their lives. Next chapter they head up to the apartment but that's just the beginning. Thanks for for taking the time to read and comment.

I decided to go ahead and submit a chapter a day till all seven are posted.

DG

I really enjoy the way you are building this tale DG. It shows what a gifted author you are. Please keep up the good work.

DG, thanks for all of your excellent stories. I am not 100% sure of how they are properly used, but you might want to research the proper usage of "lie, lay, lain, and laid."

For example, when you wrote "I laid there with the warm sun...." I think it should actually be "I lay there with the warm sun...."

http://web.ku.edu/~edit/lie.html

The first chapter was really good. I'll admit that with the opening of this chapter, and the shift in story-teller perspective, I was not optimistic about how the chapter would turn out. But actually, it turns out to be a very entertaining work. Definitley, I'm looking forward to Ch.03.

Good down home sex. Best watch ol' Mary if she has a hot pot of spaghetti handy, though. Good change of narrator and perfect continuity. DG is a trustworthy source for good dirty fun. But of course I cannot let him go without some quibbles, via "Send Feedback.".

I enjoyed the change in narration. We now have good character development for Mary and Joe.

One suggestion though. Please have your editor/editors check for the proper use of compliment versus complement. The words are quite different and often misused here on Lit.

Thanks again for a good effort which I'm enjoying.

Well, it's obvious why you didn't make this "First Time", since there Still isn't any sex.

And that's Not a Complaint!

The first two chapters have been background for the MC and... other MC?

*goes back to author page and views full chapter summary*

No, Mary isn't listed at the end, we have Ariel, instead.

Ok, with all the info in the chapter blurbs, it becomes clear that Mary's extensive background (an entire chapter, despite the fact that she's not the MC) is just to give you a way to teach Joe to be much better than average in pleasing Ariel, who he obviously is going to be with, given you end the story with her.

So, almost half of the 7 chapter story to get to a point where you can justify 'Average Joe' not being 'Average'?

Dude, this is a novella, not a disparate series of episodes, told in self-contained chapters, that can be tagged as appropriate.

The key here is the tagging, which you do not seem to understand.

CH 1 is most definitely not a First Time, CH 2 is entirely background material containing one cheating sex scene and is in no way a Mature Sex story.

It is, as CH 1, Non Erotic.

I get why you didn't tag them appropriately; Non Erotic chapters don't draw a lot of attention. But you'd have been so much better off with Novels and Novellas for a tag. Better even than putting a disclaimer that the first two thirds of the chapter are for background.

Either that, or dump CH's 1-3 into a single chapter, tag it First Time (I do hope they figure out tab A and slot B in CH 3 or I'm gonna go do my hair) and... well, we'll see what happens in 4-7.

One positive: I've invested a lot of time here, and that's because you DID do a good job at one thing: Character Building.

Now, the question is will you do plot, story, character development, setting and/or... just for grins as it is a sex story, some erotica of some form or another?

The negative: These two chapters, while containing necessary background for the story as a whole, are not viable 'chapters' to qualify by your tags. Why rehash this info? Because this dropped the 4 you got for CH 1 to a 3 for the total lack of viable story content in CH 2.

Character Background is Not complete content for a chapter of an erotic story that is tagged as such.