All Comments on 'Awake in a Dreamland Ch. 02'

this is what we call a double wammy ...if you didnt read the first you can read it again.....

I have read hundreds of these stories and this one ranks in the bottom 20 . No proofreading done and moved too fast . Absolute trash .

Hotenough story, but the literal repeat was very disorienting at first. That kind of screw-up can kill your reputation as a writer

Good start and then it went to hell. You wrote like you had six short paragraphs left to get in screwing mom, screwing sis, dad screwing mom, dad screwing sis, sis blowing, mom blowing, everybody blowing.

There were three or four diffent CHAPTERS here and you glommed them altogether into cold mush.

Try again, only this time develop the relationships. Most of us really would like something more than mom got up, blew me and I fucked her.

you better read what your going to turn in, then when sex cums along you just blow thur it, no depth to it at all

it just sucked period!

what the fuck are you 10 years old or what this needs a good editor bad so many miss spelled words you "tee" off in golf not "tea" and why the repeat once was bad enough stop writing until you go back to school and learn how to spell i flunked english but atleast i can use a dictionary

Write it, set it aside for a week and reread it, then ask someone else to check it for you. Might have been a good story but inattention made it worthless.